Later that day…
Tearing through the underbrush, the same phrase circles my brain.
I’m an uncle, not an uncle. Not an uncle.
Fucking Gio and his wife Ekaterina had a baby.
This discovery came from the Google search I do on my family every few weeks. There it was, an article from an Italian magazine about the huge donation the ToscanoFamigliamade to the Pausilipon Children’s Hospital in Naples, where apparently, my sister-in-law delivered my nephew(notnephew) a few weeks ago.
I didn’t even know she was pregnant.
There’s a big picture of Giovanni and Ekaterina standing in front of a new wing in the hospital, she’s holding a blue blanket-wrapped bundle, and next to them, Dario and his new wife Cora, and my sister (notsister) Francesca and my nephew (notnephew) Alessio.
What’s left of the Toscanofamiglia.
They all look so fucking happy in the picture, standing close together as some fawning hospital official thanks them for the donation. There’s no space there for me.
I laugh harshly as I bound over a limestone outcropping. “Family is everything,” as my father loved to remind us. “Family will always come first.” Somehow, this bit of news is the last punch to crush my pathetic hope that I am still a Toscano son. It doesn’t matter what I do or don’t do here. They’ve cast me out.
“Lucca?”
Blinking, I look around and realize I’m in front of the gym, and Tatiana is waiting for me with a concerned expression.
“Are you okay?”
“Just… get inside,” I snap, trying to pull myself back together.
It’s not fair, how I’m yelling at her tonight, I know that. I can’t stop mocking her efforts and irritably tapping her feet and hands back into position. Tatiana keeps her mouth shut, working harder to get the moves right and I keep ridiculing her efforts.
After the eighteenth time of knocking her on her back, I stand over her, irrationally furious.“Gesù Cristo,why are you wasting my fucking time?” I shout down at her, enjoying her shock. “Why are you here? Everyone else is years ahead of you in these skills! Why don’t you go home and stop pretending to be anything other than a useless Bratva princess?”
I’ve never been punched in the dick before.
Fuck…
The next thing I’m aware of is lying sideways on the mat, knees up, and breathing through my clenched teeth.When I get up, I’m throwing her off the cliff, I swear to fucking-
“Go to hell! You have been a complete asshole to me since day one! Do you think Iwantedto work withyou?”Tatiana’s screaming at me, fists clenched and looking like a warrior princess. “Why do you think you’re God's gift to this place? What do you get out of trying to make me feel like nothing?”
“You shouldn’t be here,” I hiss between gritted teeth, “you’re not tough enough for this place. You’re fragile as fuck.”
“I am not fragile!” she shouts back. “Do you really think you’re the worst problem I’ve had this year? You’re not even in the top three,ty pridurok, you dick! I’m not going anywhere!”
The crippling agony has receded just enough to let me get to my feet again, looming over her. “Face it, you’re not going to make it through the next month, much less the year. Go home.”
“Shut up!” She pushes me away from her but I keep following her.
“Go home, Bratva princess,” I snarl, so fucking furious and knowing I’m not angry at her, but she’s here, right in front of me, and flinching as I yell at her.
“No! I’m not going anywhere!” She goes up on tiptoe, shouting in my face.
“You don’t belong here!” I’m bellowing back at her and she’s holding her ground, then her furious little face crumples and she hits my shoulder as hard as she can.
“I don’t have anywhere else to go!” Tatiana screams.
Stumbling backward, she sits down abruptly, drawing her knees up, tears pouring down her face. “There’s nowhere else for me to go.” Her head drops to her knees and she’s sobbing like her heart’s been torn out and I am such a bastard.
Running my hands down my face, I take a deep breath. Sitting down next to her, I almost smile as she scoots away from me, still crying.
