He took a deep sigh, "Lauren. You did nothing wrong that night. I was not..."
...in my right mind?Thomas thought,Insanely jealous and a stupid bastard?
"I was not being fair to you. I believe it is important for you to be there, at least for the start of this new chapter for the project. You deserve to see your hard work put into play." His sweet wife was staring at him as if he'd stripped naked and started rolling in the syrup while quoting the entire Coldplay music catalog. Thomas gave a rueful chuckle. "You think I've gone mad, darling?" Her pretty mouth open, Lauren tried to shake her head. "You do," he nodded. "But I am quite aware the music is your passion, notSaintMiles." Lauren still looked mildly puzzled, something he had not let himself see that night- her genuine confusion that he thought she'd be attracted to someone else. How had he not let himself see that?
Lauren felt brave enough to laugh a little. "Saint? The man never stops talking. But it's such an amazing project." Her wistful tone twisted the fist around his guts a little harder. When had she started making him feel...thingsagain? He'd shot men with nary a twinge. And now her sad little face made him shift uncomfortably.
"Then it's settled," Thomas said calmly. "Chuck will be picking you up at noon, so you should get ready." His bride was still watching him cautiously as if waiting for him to revert to the furious lunatic he'd been that night. "Darling?"
She shook herself a little, "Hmmm?"
His beautiful face was set in its usual lines of urbane amusement, but Thomas's eyes were cobalt, almost twinkling. "Go get ready." The girl was gone before he could blink, before suddenly rushing back into the room and taking her plate and silverware to the sink, smiling awkwardly and racing back out again, like an excited teenager.
It was bad enough that Thomas had conducted business in Costa Rica over the last eighteen days while drowning in self-disgust. His relief at getting away from his wife was palpable, shocked at his complete lack of self-control. What had made him act that way? Like a jealous, lovesick fool? And her humiliation... Lauren's face was pale for the rest of the night of the fundraiser after he'd sent her out from their tryst like a whore. Even in his anger, he'd admired her composure, calmly applauding and interacting and shaking hands with the wealthy who there to assuage their conscience with a fat donation. What he couldn't remember were the moments between her escaping for a shower at home and when he was hauling her over his lap to spank some sense into her. Lauren's desperate efforts to make him hear her. He was so shocked at his lack of control; he couldn't even bear to be in the same room with her.
He'd tried to throw himself into his work in Costa Rica, it was a sensitive deal and required a great deal of cunning. But his wife's alternate expressions of heartbreak and fury kept rising in his thoughts at the most irritating and inopportune of times. And her confusion when he'd accused her of wanting that lovesick idiot. Thomas knew Lauren would be appalled if she knew just how expressive and open she was- at least to him. Everything she felt fluttered across that lovely face of hers. It was clear she'd had no interest in the man. But he'd been soangry.
"You need to let off some steam, my boy."
it was eight days into negotiations and Thomas had nearly come across the table at the smirking CEO of the finance company they were buying. The company ostensibly focused on land development loans for most of the African companies, but their real expertise was laundering money for illegal diamond trading, used for funding military conflict in the Sudan, Congo, Sierra Leone, Liberia, and Angola. After eight days of dealing with the man's endless bragging, drug, and alcohol use, Number Two was ready to simply pull out his gun and shoot the arrogant idiot in the head.
Kingston was watching him carefully as everyone else filed out of the boardroom. "You are far too tense. There's a delightful club just full of obliging young ladies close to here. I've dropped by three times this week."
Thomas forced the mildly nauseating image of a naked Number One out of his head. With a filthy smile, he said, "Ah, I've found my own favorite dungeon. You know I prefer to work alone, Ben."
The older man burst into laughter, clapping him warmly on the shoulder, "It's good to have you back."
The first thought that went through Thomas's mind was,I'm nothing like you, old man.Nothing.But sitting alone in the dim boardroom, he frowned. But he was, that's what he'd always wanted, wasn't it?
Jaguar Holdings Second in Command did not go to a dungeon or sex club. He in fact went back to his hotel, as he had done every night. Sitting in a chair on his balcony, one hand swirling a glass of Jameson, he found himself thinking for the dozenth time about what Lauren was doing at that moment. He pictured her glowing skin after he'd given her a string of orgasms, or her laugh when he'd chase her up the stairs. How her long legs looked while running. Sighing and rubbing his forehead, Thomas got up to head back to the hotel suite's desk and go through more company files for the closing.
It had all come together the night he finally returned home, standing over his wife who was pretending to be asleep in their bed, when Thomas realized she would be just like Arabella in a few years if he didn't change. Dead-eyed, alcoholic because actually killing herself would hurt too many other people. He was never going to let her go. He knew that. Even if it was possible, he just... couldn't. But he couldn't let her become like Arabella.
So, rolling up the sleeves of his dress shirt, Thomas cleaned up the breakfast debris as his wife excitedly called from the door, "I'm leaving, see you tonight! Thank you!"
Lauren was still glowing when he returned home that night, a huge smile she couldn't seem to wipe off her face as she talked- at his urging- about the 8-year-old who'd picked up a violin and started playing an old French tune without a hitch, or her classmate from the Caribbean who immediately began teaching some of the other students how to play the drums. How she'd plopped a little 5-year-old on her lap and began showing her the fingering for a simple song on the keyboard.
"You should have seen them, Thomas! They're so smart, cheeky monkeys! Two nearly started painting on the wall before I managed to get the roll of paper put up..." she talked quickly, hands waving and laughing nearly every other sentence. His Lauren at her most lovely. Finally slowing down as she realized she'd been talking through the entire dinner; the girl flushed a bit. "Sorry, I didn't mean to talk so long."
"I enjoyed it," Thomas interrupted, "I'm intrigued by their response. I'd thought they'd be more hesitant at first."
"Oh, no," said Lauren, putting a chocolate eclair on a plate for him. "Children are naturally drawn to music, to art. If you give them the tools and stand back, they'll show you what they need. And you can learn so much about them by what they create. It's beautiful."
"As are you," he said without thinking.
She paused, looking up with an embarrassed smile. "Thomas..." But he wasn't teasing her. Thomas was leaning back in his chair, manspreading as usual and looking so handsome in his dress shirt and tie, one finger running over his upper lip, hiding a slight smile. Gathering the bit of self-confidence beginning to grow again that day, Lauren walked over to his side of the table and sat carefully on his lap, putting her arms around his neck. He smelled so good, her husband, his warmth familiar and comforting. After that horrible night, she'd never thought she would ever touch him willingly again. "Thank you," she whispered into his neck. As his arms went around her, Lauren drew in a shaky sigh.
Thomas gently kissed her neck, her cheek, his wife's mouth, and under her ear where she loved it so much. He finally allowed himself to say something he thought would never pass his lips. “I have missed you, wife.”
"I've missed you too," Lauren managed to whisper, "how good you feel. How I feel safe."
Thomas paused at that for a moment. Safe? She felt safe with him? He kissed Lauren's chest tenderly, right over her rapidly beating heart. It was in that quiet, perfect moment when he found the backbone to turn his face slightly, lips brushing her cheek and said, "I am sorry, Lauren. I'm sorry." And then she squeezed him even tighter.
Chapter 27 – I Wish We Could be Different People
In which Lauren is forced to see another ugly facet of the reality of life at Jaguar Holdings. And Thomas spins a fairy tale. Just for a little while.
Trigger warning: aftermath of domestic abuse.
