She quickly looked away again, setting her attention firmly on the trail they followed as it passed by beneath her horse’s hooves. Just looking at Sir Brian was enough to make her blush. Her lingering embarrassment was born partly from how she had felt as they had kissed, all hot and aching with a need she was not sure she understood. Most of it, however, came from how she had reacted to the flood of feeling that had swept over her from the moment his lips had touched hers. She had leapt away from him as if he were some leper. Young maidens did that sort of thing, not mature widows of three and twenty. In truth, she suspected she had acted worse than even the shyest of maidens. She should have found a way to end the embrace with some dignity.
At least I did not swoon, she thought with a twinge of self-disgust. Although it had been a close thing, she admitted reluctantly. Claud had kissed her and made love to her, but she now considered there was the very good chance that Claud had simply been dutifully mating with her. Claud had never once caused her to experience such tumultuous feelings. Most of the time she had just wished Claud would hurry and get it over with, or stop. That had certainly not been what she had been wishing while she had been kissing Sir Brian.
And that was really what had terrified her, she thought, and finally accepted that harsh truth. She was a coward. It was quite possible that Sir Brian’s kiss had stirred that passion her married kinswomen all sighed over and she had always thought she wanted. And what had she done when finally given a taste of what she had craved? Run from it. Arianna was not sure what she could do about that or if she should do anything at all.
“I think this will be a good place to rest for a wee while.”
Brian’s deep voice shattered her thoughts and Arianna looked around. They were in a beautiful spot near a swiftly running burn. Wild violets covered the banks of the burn and she could see bluebells winding through the trees.
“Despite all the troubles I still face, it gladdens my heart beyond words to be back here,” she said as she dismounted.
“I have heard that France is beautiful,” Brian said as he also dismounted and moved to stand beside her. “I suspicion your husband’s lands were beautiful and probably verra fertile.”
“Aye, they were, but they were nay like Scotland.” She knelt down on the bank and inhaled the gentle scent of the violets. “I think I missed the land as much as I missed my family.”
He grabbed some oatcakes and cheese from his pack, handing her some as he sat down next to her. He looked over the land as he ate, thinking it a particularly pretty spot, and knew he would miss Scotland if he had to leave it. Harsh in as many places as it was soft and peaceful, the weather temperamental, and the living often hard, it was still home. It was in his blood. He suspected it was in Arianna’s as well.
“They didnae let ye come home at least once during the time ye were there?” he asked.
“Claud occasionally promised he would take me home to visit, but I soon saw that it was said mostly to quiet me,” she replied. “I dinnae think he e’er wanted to come here. He e’en called this land barbaric when he thought I couldnae hear him. So did his family. And thus I was the wee barbarian they were forced to endure for the sake of the family’s fortunes.”
There was the hint of bitterness behind her words but he was surprised there was not more. Everything she told him about Claud and his family revealed that she had never been accepted, and she had endured that for years. She was due a hearty bout of bitterness. She had not only lost her family when she had been sent to France, but had been given nothing to take the place of them.
“I also think,” she continued, “that, once I had learned of his mistress, they all feared that, if I went home, I wouldnae return.” She shrugged. “I probably wouldnae have and they would have been humiliated by that.”
Brian cursed under his breath. “They ne’er gave a thought to what that fool did to ye, did they? Ne’er once cared how ye suffered.”
Arianna looked at him with surprise, his anger clear to hear in his voice. “Nay, I was but the wife and wives must endure, must they not?”
“The wives my kinsmen have taken would do the fools a sore injury if they did to them as Claud did to ye. Aye, and the family would have been sent running to the hills if they tried to make either of those lasses take all the blame for their son’s betrayal of them.”
She grinned. “Aye, that is how most of my kinswomen would behave.” She suddenly frowned. “’Tis verra odd that none of my family came for me as I did write to them of what I was suffering. What Claud did should have enraged my kin.” It was hard to understand that, to find a reason that would ease the pain she felt at their apparent desertion of her.
“Oh? And tell me, did ye hand that missive to one of your husband’s people to have it sent on to your family?” He nodded when her eyes grew wide and she paled. “I suspicion those letters ye wrote were read ere they were sent on and any that spoke of the wrongs done to you were probably tossed straight into the fire.” Brian clenched his hands into fists as he fought the urge to take her into his arms to soothe the grief and pain he could read on her face. “Ye had a large dowry, did ye?”
“’Twas rich enough and they were in sore need of it for they lived too weel.”
It should not have been such a painful shock, she thought, as tears stung her eyes. She had certainly not been welcomed into the family. The man she had married had obviously never cared for her. Arianna now knew that, if she had had a child, that child would not have been completely accepted, either. She could not believe she had been so naive as to trust any of them. People who treated a person as they had treated her were not ones that should be trusted. Worse, she had accepted the possibility that no one in her family cared how she was treated, and for stirring that mistrust of her own kin in her heart, she would never forgive Claud’s family.
“Weel, this shall anger my family,” she murmured. “Ach, what am I saying? They will all be furious o’er how I was deceived, over how they were deceived as weel. Kenning that I was treated poorly by that whole cursed family and robbed of my dower, too, will send them into a killing rage.”
“Do ye think they will want to fight the Lucettes?”
“They will wish to, but I think in the end they will only fight with words and demands for restitution. There is a connection through blood and marriage with the family, ye see. An old one. I was to be a renewal of that connection. There are some verra good people within the Lucette family. I wrote to them, as weel.” She sighed. “I suspicion those letters also went into the fire and that is why I ne’er saw the ones I have met before, ones more closely tied to my clan.”
Brian was just about to give her his opinion on the way the Lucettes had treated her when he heard the sound of approaching horses. “We must leave now,” he said even as he grabbed her by the arm and tugged her to her feet.
“Do ye think it is them?” she asked, hurrying to mount her horse.
“Aye, I suspect it is. Move into the trees where the shadows will hide us. I wish to see to be certain. E’en if it isnae them, I think it best if we keep out of sight. We dinnae want them to be able to gain any information on where we have been.”
“But if they pass so close to us, will they nay see us?”
“They are on the other side of the burn.”
Once within the shadows, her gaze fixed upon the other side of the burn, Arianna leaned forward to lightly stroke her mount’s neck. She closed her eyes to listen carefully and finally heard what Brian had. There were definitely horsemen approaching on the other side of the burn. She was astonished at the keenness of his hearing. She would have sat there in full view, probably not hearing the approach of anyone until they were right there staring at her.
Opening her eyes, she stared at the opposite bank and tensed as the riders came into view. She easily recognized Amiel. The man sat a horse with all the stiff arrogance he showed in his every dealing with people. Arianna would feel badly for the people who served the Lucettes if they had not, almost to a man, scorned her and the boys as completely as Claud’s family had. They were certainly not blessed in the people who ruled them, but that did not fully excuse their unkindnesses. Claud had been neglectful, his parents the same, and Amiel would be cruel. She had seen that in him from the beginning.
