Gisele sprawled on the bed and stared up at the ceiling, her hands clenched tightly at her side. She had bathed, eaten the food brought to her even though it tasted like sour ashes in her mouth, and donned the crisp, clean, linen nightdress set out on the bed by Margaret. There was nothing left for her to do, nothing left for her to try to distract herself with. She was completely alone with her thoughts, and she desperately wished she was not.
Deciding there was no point in fighting the strong urge to weep, she gave in to it. She turned onto her stomach and sobbed into the soft pillows until there were no more tears left, her eyes empty and stinging. To her dismay, it left her exhausted but not enough so that she fell right to sleep. Nor did it completely dim the pain.
She still found it hard to believe that Nigel had betrayed her. Despite the proof she had seen with her own eyes, there was still one foolish part of her that wanted to believe she was wrong, that there was some good explanation for it. He was the first person, aside from kinsmen, that she had trusted in a very long while. It was very hard to accept that she had been utterly wrong to do so.
He had used her, and she would be an even greater fool if she did not accept that harsh fact. She looked almost exactly like the woman he loved and could not have. Even if she could swallow her pride and accept that, it would be hard to do so when that woman was such a part of his life. One could not live a lie if the truth were right there to see every day. He would never be able to remove himself completely from the object of his yearning, either, not unless he cut himself completely off from his family. That she knew he would never do.
A soft rap at the door drew her attention, and she quickly sat up and wiped her eyes as the door slowly opened. She was both relieved and disappointed that it was Maldie and not Nigel who cautiously entered. Part of her wanted to never set eyes on Nigel again, but another part of her ached for him to come crawling to her, begging forgiveness and clearly explaining everything. She prayed he had not sent someone else to do the job for him.
“Dinnae look so suspicious, Lady Gisele,” Maldie said as she sat down on the edge of the bed. “My husband’s idiot of a brother doesnae even ken that I am here.”
“I will leave in the morning,” Gisele said, a little surprised at her words but realizing that the decision had been made the moment she had seen what a fool she had been.
“Nay, ye cannae leave. Ye have nowhere to go, and ye are in danger. Donncoill may be the last place ye wish to be right now, but ’tis the safest.”
“I could return to France,” she said, and cursed the reluctance she could hear in her voice.
“And hang. That is no answer to all of this mess, although I think ye may be hurting enough to believe hanging couldnae be any worse. I ken the feeling. I endured it ere Balfour and I had the wit to realize we needed to be together. Well, I realized it first, but women are often much smarter than men in such matters.”
“Nigel and I cannot be together.”
Maldie reached out and gently clasped Gisele’s hand in hers. “I am no threat to ye. I have ne’er loved anyone but Balfour, and ne’er will.” She smoothed her other hand over her swollen belly. “We breed our third child and, praise God, we will breed more.”
“I do not fear you, m’lady, nor do I place the blame for this on your shoulders. That does not change the fact that you are the woman Nigel loves. That I look like you is the only reason I am even here, the only reason he felt even the basest of emotion for me.” Gisele took a deep breath to steady herself, for just saying the words was like twisting a knife in an open wound.
“Aye, Nigel left here because he wanted me and kenned that I would ne’er return his feelings. He feared he would cause trouble for me and Balfour, or that in some way the situation would slowly push him and his brother apart. That is true no longer. I have ne’er been sure it was true, even back then. I am not the woman Nigel loves, not now, and mayhap not for a verra long time.”
“Are you certain he did not send you here?” Gisele asked, yanking her hand free. Maldie’s words stirred a flicker of hope in her heart, and she wanted nothing to do with that.
“Aye, verra sure. I am the woman ye think he wants. I just felt I should come and speak about this. I may not be the whole problem, and I am certainly not to blame for the pain that fool has caused you, but I am a small part of this mess.”
“I am sorry,” Gisele muttered, dragging her fingers through her hair. “It was rude to imply that you were lying. Very rude.”
“I ken that ye are nay of a mind to listen to this, but heed me for a moment. Take my words into your mind and heart and let them rest there, think on them now and again. What Nigel has done seems cruel beyond words, but I swear to you that the mon isnae a cruel mon. This was done out of ignorance, his own confusion, and cowardice.”
“Nigel is no coward.” She was astonished at how quickly she leapt to his defense, and was not sure she liked the soft, fleeting smile that crossed Maldie’s face.
“When it comes to matters of the heart, every mon can find the hint of cowardice in his soul. Ye easily guessed who I was and what it all meant, that ye may have been no more than the living embodiment of a ghost he tried to cling to. Do ye not think he saw that, too, that mayhap he wondered on it himself? That perhaps he questioned every feeling he had? That it was the last thing he wished to confess to?”
“He should have told me, warned me in some way. He should have at least given me the truth ere he bedded me.”
“Ye will get no argument about that. He deserves a good flogging. All I ask is that ye listen and watch for a while. Ye love him, and I willnae believe ye if ye try to deny it. At least see if there is any way ye can forgive this hurt he has inflicted. If ye cannae, weel, that is the end of it. Howbeit, although ye may think ye have been the greatest of fools I think ye will be an even greater one if ye dinnae stay a wee while and see what he does next.”
Maldie stood up and, smiling faintly, reached out to lightly ruffle Gisele’s curls. “’Tis much like my son’s hair. Rest, Gisele. Get your strength back, weep, curse the mon for the pretty fool that he is, and get all of that anger out of your heart. Ye will need a clear head in the next few days. And think on this,” she added as she paused in the doorway, “sometimes a fool holds onto a belief for so long he cannae see that it is no longer the truth. ’Tis nay longer a belief or a dream, just a habit.”
Maldie smiled to herself as she slipped out into the hall and quietly shut the door behind her. Then she squeaked in surprise when a deep, familiar voice said, “Ye have been interfering, havenae ye, sweeting?”
“Well, aye, a wee bit,” she said, as Balfour pulled her away from the door.
“This is Nigel’s problem.”
“I ken it, and I also ken that he is the only one who can truly mend it. Howbeit, I am a small part of this. I am also the only woman she can speak to aside from the maids. I just felt I needed to say something. She loves him.”
“Are ye sure?”
“Oh, aye, verra sure. Nigel has deeply wounded her, but he hasnae killed her feelings for him. If he is wise and she is able to forgive, I think they will be all right.”
Gisele cursed and flopped back down onto the bed. Forgive, Maldie had said. That was not going to be easy. Nigel had lied to her, perhaps not in words, but in his heart. He knew her better than anyone. She had told him some of her darkest secrets, ones she had not even had the courage to tell her family. He had to have guessed how seeing Maldie would affect her, yet he had done nothing to soften the blow. That was not going to be easy to forgive.
