“Then Alexander can care for our son,” Ailis replied. “Malcolm, give it up. Ye canna change my mind.”
“I begin to question if ye even have a mind,” he grumbled as he sat down at the head of the table. “Just abide here for a few days longer.”
“Nay. That would be to sorely tempt fate. The bairn cries very little, but hedoescry.” She smiled faintly. “I would be sorely worried if he didna. Yet his crying may have already reached ears better left deaf to the sound. Donald or Duncan may come back at any moment. Can ye promise me that no one here will betray me?” She could see by the expression on his face that he could not. “Ye ken how close our escape was. Then, too, one must consider the season of the year. If I stay here much longer, I shall be caught in yet another tempest. Or, worse, I could be caught out when many a man is abroad. That is certainly a danger I wish to avoid.”
The truth of her reasoning could not be argued with, either, but Malcolm sorely wished it could be. He saw her venture as nothing short of suicide, yet the danger in staying or in continuing to wait was also real. Even if he could find the words to deny that, Ailis had the sense to know that he was lying. In truth the girl was completely encircled, feeling a threat whichever way she turned. He inwardly grimaced, for he knew he was one of those threats, even if a more obtuse one. An innate sense of honor told him to void the promise he had extracted from her, but his body would not allow it.
Ailis watched Malcolm scowl in thought and contemplated the promise she had given him. It was a vow extracted under duress, so she could ignore it without any real loss of honor. She inwardly sighed, for she knew she would not take that route. A price had been asked in exchange for the lives of her and, most important, her child. Malcolm had fulfilled his part of the bargain. She and her son were alive and at no small risk to himself. Ailis knew she would honor the promise she had made. It was just very sad that the promise made to save her life was one that made it only a brief reprieve. Alexander was her life, and her promise to Malcolm was certain to drive Alexander away.
“Go to bed, then, Ailis,” Malcolm said, his voice heavy with resignation. “Ye will need your rest for the ordeal ye face come the dawning.”
“I thank ye, Malcolm, for all ye have done.”
“Aye, ye will, will ye not?”
“Aye.” There was an odd note to Malcolm’s voice, but Ailis found it impossible to read. “Good sleep.”
Malcolm watched her leave, then closed his eyes. “Ye are a bastard, Malcolm MacCordy, a right bastard.” He gave a short harsh laugh weighted with self-disgust when even that admission did not spur him to call her back into the great hall and tell her that the promise was forgotten.
Giorsal was waiting in her bedchamber when Ailis finally reached it. The girl stopped rocking the baby’s cradle and stood up. With the promise to Malcolm weighing so heavily on her mind, Ailis was loath to meet the girl’s eyes. From the start it had been easy to see that Giorsal thought Malcolm was the beginning and end of her world. Ailis knew all too well how that felt. She also knew that the promise and its fulfillment would deeply hurt Giorsal. She sorely regretted that, for the girl had been kind.
“ ‘Twas a vow made under duress, under threat,” Giorsal suddenly said. “Ye need not honor it. None would expect it of ye.”
It did not really surprise Ailis that the infamous promise weighed so heavily on Giorsal’s mind, too. “Nay, mayhaps not, although I am not so certain one can say ‘none.’ “ She sighed as she lay down on her bed after a brief peek at her sleeping son. “I had hoped that ye had forgotten what was said that night.”
“ ‘Twas but two days ago. How could I forget such a thing no matter when it was said?”
“Aye—indeed—how could ye?” She looked at the girl with an unrestrained curiosity. “And why does this trouble ye so? ‘Tis certain that Malcolm hasna played the monk since ye came here!”
“Nay—far from it. ‘Tis different with ye, though. The others were naught but whores, no more important to him than his chamber pot.”
“And I am? I canna see that.” Ailis felt that the girl put too much importance on a matter of simple, fierce lust.
“Oh, aye, I ken that ye dinna notice. Ye dinna see what a man does. S’truth, even another woman can see it, for if her heart is involved, as mine is, she can see the dangers and temptations that confound the man she wants. The smallest threat to her heart’s desire can usually be seen clearly by a woman in love. Trust me in this, Ailis, ye are no small threat.”
“Ye exaggerate.”
“Nay. This isna simply a lusting Malcolm suffers from. If it was, I wouldna care. Well, not much!” She sat down on the edge of the bed. “I just dinna ken exactly what he is feeling or thinking, for Malcolm keeps to himself a lot.”
“Aye, I ken that sort very well,” Ailis drawled, and her thoughts winged straight to Alexander. “However, I still think ye judge this matter wrongly.”
“Nay, Ailis, I dinna. Malcolm has never before cared what his cousins did. He ignored them, for to try and stop them could be to threaten his own holdings, meager as they are. Malcolm has never had very much in life, so he clings tightly to what little he does have now. He would never risk it all for a simple lusting. But by asking ye to share his bed for the night he has done just that for he kens well that his cousin will see it as a gross betrayal if it is discovered. Ye offer a man a fire, and my Malcolm craves a taste of it. He has hungered for it ever since he first set eyes upon ye. Ah, me, ye offer a man so much more than that, but I canna find the words to explain it all. I only ken that Malcolm seeks it. He only sought the easement of a man’s aching with all the others. Malcolm dearly wants what ye give Alexander MacDubh.”
“He can never have that,” Ailis said. “Nay, not even if Alexander throws it aside. Which he will do—quickly—when he learns that I have bedded down with Malcolm.”
“Ye and I ken that a man canna grab what can only be freely given, but a man doesna always see it. If Malcolm senses it, he ignores it, calls it foolishness. ‘Tisna what he wants to be the truth. Now, although I have never bedded down with him, I ken that Malcolm is a good lover. ‘Tis the only reason ladies of a high rank would ever seek out a poor, landless knight, and they do seek him out.” Giorsal grimaced. “ ‘Tisna vanity that makes him think the skill that draws so many who would otherwise scorn him could also draw ye to him and away from Alexander MacDubh.”
“The skill Malcolm possesses may rouse lust, but ‘twill never touch more than that. Canna ye convince Malcolm of this? He has asked a price for my life that, when paid, will certainly kill me. I will lose Alexander and, no doubt, my child as well, for Alexander will surely hold on to his son even as he sets the adulterous mother aside. Because of this thrice-cursed promise, I havena really been spared, only given a wee reprieve.”
“I will try, Ailis, but I canna promise anything. Such things are very hard for a man to understand, especially if he has never been in love. Malcolm scoffs at what the poets and ballad singers say as loudly as many another man. He may well scorn what I try to tell him about your feelings.”
“Then ‘tis as good as done. I am sorry, Giorsal. Very sorry.”
“Nay, there is no need for ye to be asking my pardon. Ye were asked a price for your bairn’s life, and ye must pay it. Ye dinna seek this, not as so many others did, nor do ye seek what Malcolm does. ‘Tis up to Malcolm to put a stop to this, but I truly fear he willna. Nay, not even though a part of him sincerely wants to. He kens well that he asks ye to play the whore and that isna his way.” Giorsal rose and moved to the door. “Still, I will try my utmost best to sway Malcolm—for both our sakes. Good sleep, Ailis, and good journey on the morrow.”
“Good-bye, Giorsal,” Ailis murmured, feeling a strong urge to weep for the girl. “Malcolm,” she muttered when Giorsal was gone, “ye are the greatest of fools. If ye truly seek what Giorsal thinks ye do, then ye only need to look around. ‘Tis right before your eyes.”
Sleep was what Ailis needed, but she soon realized it was going to be elusive. Her mind was cluttered with thoughts of what the morrow could bring. Although she had stubbornly resisted all of Malcolm’s urgings to stay, to wait, a large part of her had been strongly tempted to give in. She had to fight her own fears each time she thought of the journey ahead. To leave was to face several dangers, but to stay also held dangers. Ailis wondered when and how her life had managed to get so very complicated.
