4
“Is he really our father, Aunt Ailis?” Manus asked as, in the bedchamber he would share with Rath, he donned a clean, linen nightshirt. “I feel he is and I think we look a bit alike, but doyeken it for sure?”
Ailis sat on an ornately carved oak chest near the window and settled Sibeal on her lap. As she began to brush out the little girl’s bright hair, she wished with all her heart that Alexander had not made his announcement. Such startlingly important news should have been delivered gently, slowly. The words could not be called back now, however. Now it was best to stay with the truth and to try to ease any doubts or fears the children had.
“Aye, he is your father,” she replied. “ ‘Tis true that we dinna have anyone’s word on that save for the word of the MacDubhs. However, enemy or nay, the word of a MacDubh is good.” She grimaced. “Even if ye canna abide what they tell you, ‘tis the truth. They are known for their honesty. Though I dinna care for the way Sir Alexander told ye, I canna deny what he said.”
“And ye feel really sure that ‘tis the truth?”
“Aye, Manus. Ye share a look with Sir Barra, especially ye and Rath. There was the way Sir Barra looked at me and called your mama’s name. ‘Twas the face of a man who had seen a ghost. Then there was the way he looked at ye lads and wee Sibeal, as if he couldna see enough of ye. A man can ply many a trick, but he canna put such raw love in his eyes unless the feeling rests in his heart. Nay, nor can he look so at a child who isna his.”
“If he loves us, then why didna he come for us when Mama died?” asked Rath as he crawled into the bed he would share with Manus.
“Ah, sweeting, there are so many reasons.” Ailis sighed when she realized that the children expected her to explain. “The MacDubhs and the MacFarlanes have been enemies for years. Leargan was once a MacDubh keep until our uncle took it through treachery and murder. Your father met your mother after that hatred had begun. He couldna speak of ye or of her, just as your mama couldna speak of him. And he already had a wife. The laird of the MacDubhs, Sir Alexander, makes his loathing of the MacFarlanes plain. Do you understand what I am trying to say?”
“Aye,” Manus nodded as he snuggled down next to Rath. “If it were kenned that we had MacDubh blood, we wouldna have been safe with MacFarlanes, and our father felt that our MacFarlane blood put us in danger with the MacDubhs.”
“Exactly.” Ailis stood up with Sibeal in her arms and kissed each boy’s forehead. “Now ye are all together as ye should have been years ago.”
“What will happen to ye?”
“I will be ransomed, Manus.” She forced aside her many fears about her fate.
“But then ye will be taken back to Leargan,” Rath said, a slight tremor in his voice. “We will stay with ye.”
“Nay.” Ailis spoke firmly despite her own pain. “Ye belong with your father. He loves you, so much so that he kept away from ye even though ‘twas the very last thing he wished to do. I have had ye since the day ye were born. ‘Tis his turn now.”
Ailis realized that she had never foreseen a time when the children would not be hers to care for. Now she saw that she had been foolishly blind. The chance of Sir Barra claiming his children had always existed. Now it had happened, and despite how deeply it cut her, Ailis knew she had to step aside.
“Canna ye stay here with us?” asked Sibeal as she tightened her arms about Ailis’s neck.
“Nay, lass. I have no place here. Mayhaps later, when the troubles have eased between the clans, we will see each other again.”
“If our father lets the laird hurt ye, I will hate him,” Rath swore fiercely.
“Nay, ye willna, laddie.” Ailis spoke as firmly as she could. “Barra MacDubh is your father. He is the man your mama loved and the man whose seed made ye. He also isna the laird here—Sir Alexander is. A man must do as his laird says. He may argue and disapprove, but he canna stop his laird. Ye arena to hold your father to blame for Sir Alexander’s actions.” She ruffled each boy’s hair. “I will be fine.”
“He hit ye, Aunt.” Sibeal touched the slight bruise marring Ailis’s cheek.
“That is something I have experienced before. Uncle Colin and Donald MacCordy have both knocked me about some from time to time. I have a wretched sharp tongue that can sorely try a man’s temper. And did ye see Sir Alexander’s face when he did it? ‘Twas a great surprise to him, so ‘tis clear that he doesna do it much, if at all.” Ailis sat down on the edge of the bed. “Dinna fash yourselves over me, children. There is naught that Sir Alexander can do that I canna overcome. He isna going to kill me. I am much more valuable alive. Now I must be putting this lassie to bed.” She stood up, turned toward the door, and came face to face with Barra. Instinct made her certain that the man had been standing there for a while.
Barra stared at Ailis for a moment. He was confused about her after all he had just heard. It was clear that Ailis had Mairi’s capacity for love and understanding, but that softness was clearly tempered with finely honed steel. Mairi had often chosen to ignore reality, whereas Ailis evidently never lost sight of it, faced it bravely, and did her utmost to make the best of things. Ailis was a survivor, whereas Mairi had been a dreamer. Barra suddenly knew, deep in his heart, that his Mairi never would have lasted long. Mairi had simply not possessed the inner strength needed to survive.
“Will ye come to me, Sibeal?” Barra asked in a soft voice as he tentatively extended his arms toward the child.
After a brief hesitation Sibeal allowed Barra to take her into his arms. Ailis watched as the man bid a rather shy good sleep to his sons, then followed him as he walked to Sibeal’s room just across the hall. As she watched him tuck Sibeal into bed, Ailis knew she was right to believe that the children should stay with their father. The man truly loved them, and the children were already responding to his kindness. Ailis kissed Sibeal good night and left the room. She briefly wondered if she should warn Barra about Sibeal’s special gift, but decided that revelation should wait until they had all come to know each other better. She turned to seek out the bedchamber allotted to her, and Barra caught her by the arm, halting her. As she turned to face him, she fought to hide the sadness she felt over the impending loss of the children.
“I wish to thank ye, Mistress Ailis,” Barra said, his voice soft and husky with emotion. “Ye could have turned my bairns from me with but a single word.”
“Ye are their father. My sister loved ye.” Ailis sighed. “Without ye I wouldna have had the children at all. There is naught ye have to thank me for.”
“Allow me to believe that there is.” He grimaced and ran a hand through his thick hair, which so closely matched Sibeal’s. “I wish I could repay ye by keeping ye safe, but I fear that I canna. When my brother wants something, there is naught a body can do to stop him.”
“It matters little. When ‘tis learned who holds me, there is no one who shall expect me to escape here still a maid. Donald MacCordy will add the loss of my chastity to his lengthening list of grievances against me.” A slow, wry smile curved her mouth. “Dinna tell your wretched brother that I said this, but the jest he so savors has something of a pleasant taste for me as well.”
“Dinna try to soothe me. ‘Tis dishonor he means for ye, and we both ken it. I canna understand it, for ‘tisna his way, yet ‘tis clear that he means to excuse his actions by claiming his need and right for vengeance.”
Ailis lightly placed her hand on his arm. “Do ye really think Donald MacCordy would take me gently?” At his expression of sudden understanding, she nodded. “Aye, ere now my fine betrothed has seen the taking of my chastity as a means to avenge all the wrongs and slights I have heaped upon him. I dinna wish to be ‘taken,’ dinna mistake me. However, thinking on how it will thwart Donald will make it easier to bear. If I am fated to be used as a tool of revenge, let it beagainstDonald and not by him against myself. And, too, I canna help but believe that your brother willna be as cruel as Donald.”
