Despite Margaret’s subtle but persistent efforts, it was days before Gytha began to really think about what she needed to do concerning her marriage. She was stuck with it, but—she reluctantly admitted to herself—she wanted to be. She did not want to give up Thayer. Already she watched for his return or for some word from him. No matter how deeply he had hurt her, she remained his, heart and soul. Time was needed to ease the hurt enough for her to love him as freely, as openly, as she had before. He had taught her wariness. She wanted him home so that she could let him know she was far from grateful.
On the eve of his forty-first day at court, Thayer told the king he would be leaving for Riverfall come dawn. The king was reluctant to let him go, but Thayer reminded his liege that his debt was paid. He also referred to troubles at home that had been left untended for too long. Since Gytha’s abrupt absence from court had been much gossiped about, King Edward did not press. Thayer hurried to leave before the king reconsidered his generosity.
As he settled into bed for the last night at court, he thanked God for it. The nights spent alone in the bed he had shared with Gytha had been the hardest to bear. To force sleep, he had often drunk too much. There had been far too many nights when Roger had struggled to get him undressed and into bed.
Often he had ached for Gytha, yet at times he had cursed her. She had become all important to him. Everything seemed to stir thoughts of her. Sometimes he savored those. Other times he wanted to scream at her to leave him in peace. He began to fear for his sanity.
Lady Elizabeth had continued to plague him, to try to restir the bewitchment he had felt for her years ago. He was eager to get away from her. She had been tedious at times, yet tempting at others. He was a virile man left too long alone, his body aching for a woman who had put herself out of his reach. Yet, when he had found himself but a breath away from accepting Lady Elizabeth’s freely offered favors, he had balked, casting aside all semblance of courtesy to send her away. It mattered little to him that, after so many years of savoring the vision, he had fully repaid his youthful humiliation at her hands. What he promised himself he would try to recall was that, in doing so, he had probably made an enemy who would bear watching.
While awaiting the dawn, he tried to build his courage. He was not skilled with words nor with women. Waiting at Riverfall was a woman he had deeply hurt. To mend things would require just the right words, exactly the right approach. He had absolutely no confidence that he could accomplish either.
Chapter Ten
Shouts of welcome echoed through Riverfall. There was a sudden surge of frantic activity. Gytha needed none of that to tell her Thayer had returned. Standing at the tower window she had wasted too many hours at, she had seen his approach. Slowly, she made her way down to the hall to greet him. With every step she struggled for the strength to greet him with a cool, remote dignity.
She had missed him far more than she had wanted to. Each night had seemed unending. Her days had needed to be filled with work or they dragged by. She did not want Thayer to know any of that. At least—not yet. Such knowledge would give him an advantage she was sure he would swiftly recognize and utilize.
He had hurt her. She intended to make him offer some amends for that. Gytha could not allow him to think he could treat her so, then act as if nothing had changed. If she let that happen, she faced a future of hurts inflicted then ignored with impunity. She doubted Thayer wanted a wife who would tolerate that, a wife so weak and lacking in all pride.
In truth, time had eased the depth of the hurt. She had even gained some understanding. Lady Elizabeth had left the man with a deep scar. Gytha suspected other women had picked at that scar over the years. She was deeply insulted that he would think her anything like Lady Elizabeth, but she was willing to understand. However, even if she granted forgiveness for that slur, she had to find a way to change his thinking.
Having relived the incident in her mind so often, she could now see more clearly. She could see how Thayer had looked when he had found her sprawled beneath Dennis. He had been deep in shock. She was certain he had briefly mixed past with present, seeing Elizabeth and ridicule, not her and rape. However, that had been neither the time nor the place for such confusion.
There was also their time apart to be accounted for. How had he spent it? Had he succumbed to Elizabeth yet again? In leaving, had she handed him over to that viper? She wanted to believe he was too wise to fall victim again, but she was haunted by the knowledge that he had never said he had ceased to love Elizabeth. His cure for the obsession had been absence. Alone at court, that cure could not be practiced. Gytha sincerely doubted it was any sort of cure at all.
“Thayer has returned, Gytha.”
Smiling crookedly at Margaret, who stood at the bottom of the stairs with an equally worried Edna at her back, Gytha drawled, “I did suspect something of the sort.”
“So? What do you plan to do?”
“Go and greet my husband as any dutiful wife would.”
“Oh, Gytha.”
“Margaret, I know you preach forgiveness. S’truth, you have done so day in, day out. Well, I am willing. Howbeit, I will not meekly lay it at his feet. ’Tis no simple matter, no small quarrel. He stood there while I was nearly raped. Oh, I can see the reasons for it all now, but that soothes the insult and feeling of betrayal only a little.
“Think. If I act as if naught has happened, I make his crime less than it was. Also, if he makes no attempt at amends, that will eat away at me even if it is my meekness that causes it. Nay, Margaret, he must at least apologize or this union is surely doomed.” She finished descending the stairs. “I should also like an explanation, although I will understand if he gives me none. He may not understand it all himself.”
Pausing at a suitable distance from the door, she added, “I will not falter in my duties as his wife. I would never shame myself nor my family so. Howbeit, if Thayer wishes more than duty from this union, he must make amends for that incident.” She fought the temptation to ease her stance, to relieve the worry in her friend’s eyes.
“I was just thinking of something, Margaret.”
“Dare I ask what?”
“Well, mayhap the best cure for this wound to my marriage is a good bloodletting.” She smiled wryly when her words clearly added to Margaret’s worry.
“What do you mean?” Margaret asked with a distinct hint of suspicion.
There was no time to answer, for Thayer and Roger entered. Gytha felt her heart leap with welcome and inwardly groaned as she moved to greet her husband. Her thoughts were already, rapidly, turning carnal. Things could not possibly go as she wished if she was so easily affected by the man. Her desire for him was going to have to be sternly quelled. Thayer would sense it as he always had. That would never do.
Stepping up to Thayer, she presented her cheek as he bent to kiss her. “Greetings, husband. And you, Sir Roger. Your arrival is somewhat of a surprise, but I am sure things are readied for you in your chambers. When you are done, there will be a meal prepared for you.” She inwardly congratulated herself on her dignified, courteous air.
“Thank you, m’lady,” Roger murmured when Thayer simply stood, struck speechless.
“Ah, Bek,” she called when the boy suddenly appeared in the hall, “would you be so kind as to help your father and Sir Roger? Their baths have been prepared in Sir Roger’s chambers. I will see how the meal fares.” She hurried away, although she tried to hide it, before she was pressed too hard and her guise shattered.
“Hello, Bek,” Thayer finally managed to say as he followed his son up the stairs.
