“You never gave me any indication that you wanted my love.” She hastily thought over everything he had said about marriage and she knew she was right. He had discussed only the practical aspects of their union.
“I didnae want to force ye into something ye were nae ready for or didnae truly feel. ‘Tis always easier and safer to deal with the day-to-day aspects of a marriage like ours. Ye needed a provider and I needed a bedmate. True, we didnae look at it that coldly, but I dinnae think we looked too much further either. And, to be honest, I wasnae sure what I truly felt until I came to this decision.”
“I see. You decide that you care for me and then decide to send me away. It still makes no sense, Ballard.”
He grimaced. “Nay, it doesnae. When ye say it that way, it makes me sound nearly as mad as Dillingsworth. Hellfire, mayhap I am. Since the day I met ye, I have certainly felt a wee bit mad from time to time.” He pressed his forehead against hers, further easing his grip on her. “I dinnae ken what to do now, loving. It took every scrap of will I have to let ye go, but ye have cast that all asunder in about ten minutes. I do love ye, Clover, and I can never tell ye what it means to have ye love me.”
The words Clover had so longed to hear dropped so easily from his lips that it took her a moment to realize he had said them. Then she curled her arms around his neck and gave him a light kiss. Concentrating on how they felt about each other might well be the way to convince him that his grand plan was in error. “You could try to show me.”
“I would like to, but we still have nae sorted this out. I dinnae think I will ever be as rich as Potsdam.” He grunted when she hit him lightly.
“Stop that this instant,” she ordered. “I was just feeling very pleasant and you ruined the mood with more idiocy. I amnotsuch a spoiled, selfish child that I cannot be happy without a pile of things scattered around me. I love you, Ballard MacGregor. Try to use the wit I know you have and think on the answer to these questions. Would I love a man I did not have complete faith in? Would I love a man I thought was a failure? Would I love a man who did not make me happy?”
Ballard stared at her. He could see the truth of her emotions in her eyes, which had turned a rich, enticing blue. It both elated and stunned him. Clover did love him, rough manners and all. And she would not love him if she was not completely satisfied with him and what he could offer her.
Since he did not know what to say next, he kissed her hoping to relay through touch all the things he could find no words to express. Her response was immediate and passionate. His own desire, already stirred by the knowledge that she loved him, flared to full life. Ballard did not think he could get her clothes off fast enough, and the way Clover tuggedat his shirt and breeches told him that she felt the same.
Once they were both naked, he eased his body over hers, savoring the sensation of their flesh pressing together. He wanted to make love slowly, to show her how much he cherished her, but then she moved her hands down his sides and he knew that it would be impossible to go slowly. His emotions were too fierce, his passion too intensely urgent.
Clover reveled in his frantic lovemaking. It soothed many of her hurt feelings. She had wanted to hold him in that intimate embrace since he had confessed to loving her. It was the best way she knew of showing him how much his love meant to her.
She left no part of his lean frame untouched or untasted, and he did the same to her. Knowing that he returned her love made Clover’s desire so intense, she grew as fierce in her passion as Ballard was in his, fighting him to return kiss for kiss, stroke for stroke. One moment she was on top, the next he was, until they were a blissfully heated tangle of flesh and linen.
Their releases shook them both simultaneously. Ballard collapsed in her arms. She held him close and hoped he would never again talk of her leaving him. After the passion they had just shared, he must know that there was no place else she wanted to be. Such intense lovemaking must have burned away his doubts and fears, just as it had hers.
“Ah, loving,” he murmured when he finally eased the intimacy of their embrace and rubbed his wounded side. “I think we had best keep a tighter rein on that fire until we are completely healed.” He kissed her wrist, then pulled her back into his arms.
“So you have decided I can stay?” she murmured, and grinned when he cursed against her neck.
“How do ye make my good intentions sound so idiotic?” he muttered.
“Perhaps because they are.” She smiled at him when he lifted his head to give her a cross look. “Ah, Ballard, you are such a good man.” She kissed him briefly. “With a little work I will yet cure you of these bouts of stupidity.” She giggled when he tickled her in retribution.
“I didnae ken that ye loved me, Clover,” he said quietly when they relaxed again.
“Would that have made a difference?”
“All the difference in the world. When did ye ken that ye loved me?” He idly drew designs on her taut stomach as he waited for her answer.
“When I came back that day after Big Jim had grabbed me and I wanted you to hold me so badly, to show how pleased you were that I was safe.” She almost laughed at the look of dismay on her husband’s face.
“And I stood there like a dumb oaf. I am sorry. That must have added to the turmoil ye suffered that day.”
“To put it mildly. You were clearly feeling in some turmoil as well, so ‘tis easily forgotten.”
“Why didnae ye tell me? Ye forgave me for that, believed in me when I told ye what had happened, and we were close again. Why didnae ye tell me then that ye love me?”
“Because we had never discussed love as part of this marriage.” She smiled at his startled look. “We talked of sharing work, of building a life together, and even of children, but we had never mentioned love.”
“And I never did get around to courting ye,” he said, mildly disgusted with himself.
“I should not worry about that. I did not miss it.” Clover lightly traced his face with her fingertips and knew she would never tire of looking at it. “We had a great deal to resolve and Thomas’s attacks gave us little time for such frivolity.”
“Weel, maybe now that the danger has passed we can go away somewhere together—alone—as newlywed folk are supposed to do. We can steal a few moments of privacy, something we dinnae get enough of. Then I can practice a wee bit of courting.”
“I would like that.” She murmured her appreciation when he gave her a slow, deep kiss. “Perhaps we should invite Theodore.” She laughed, then grew serious. “When did you decide that you loved me?” she asked softly.
“When we were coming home from Potsdam’s and I thought of how I had to let you go.”
