“You are right in everything you said. I just think you had better go home. After all, it would not do for the son of the magistrate to witness a wife murdering her husband.”
He laughed, stood up, leaned over the table, and kissed her cheek. “Do not be too hard on the boy.”
“Of course not. I fully intend to have a reasonable discussion with him—right after I strangle him.”
A few moments after Theodore departed, Ballard entered the kitchen. Clover was sure Theo had said something to Ballard to get him to come after her. He had that dark, solemn look on his face again. She was heartily sick of it.
“Ballard, we have to talk,” she said, and sat down at the kitchen table, motioning for him to join her.
“Aye, we do.” He poured himself a large tankard of ale, as if he needed a bracing sip or two to get through the discussion.
Clover was not sure she liked his ready agreement. What if the trouble between them was completely different from what she suspected? What if he truly no longer wanted to be married to her and did not know how to tell her? Nevertheless, she knew she would not rest easy until she knew the truth.
“You have been acting very strangely the last two weeks,” she said, silently cursing her trembling voice.
“I have?”
Ballard tried not to show his surprise. He had been working hard at hiding his feelings and he thought he had succeeded. Each time Theodore had visited he had done his best to leave Clover and the man alone. He thought he had executed his machinations with great subtlety. It was unsettling to realize that he had somehow given himself away.
“Yes, you have been acting strange. Ballard, what is wrong? I am sure something is troubling you. You are not a moody man, yet you have certainly behaved like one since we were rescued. I realize that I have brought you a lot of trouble. My Lord, I nearly got you killed and I put your kinsmen and friends in great danger. Yet, now that Thomas is dead—”
Ballard stopped her rambling with a finger against her lips. “The trouble wasnae of your making. Dinnae be blaming yourself for my moods, loving.”
“‘Tis easy to do when no other reasonable explanation comes to mind. And I have spent over a fortnight trying to understand your behavior.”
“I was but wrestling with a decision.”
His tone of voice alarmed Clover. He sounded so sad and regretful. Her whole body tensed in readiness for his next words. “A decision?”
“Aye. A decision about ye and it was hard-wrought I can tell ye.” Ballard took a long drink of ale to steady himself. “Lass, I ken that ye were nae intended to live in the wilderness, that it isnae your world. So I have decided that it would be kinder to let ye return to the life I dragged ye away from.”
Clover stared at him for one full moment as his words throbbed in her mind. It was just as she and Theodore had suspected, but she was still shocked to hear Ballard say it. After all they had been through together, she could not believe he was telling her to go away. It did not make sense. It was certainly the last thing she wanted to hear.
“What do you mean?” she asked, her voice hoarse and unsteady.
“Ye are a lady born and bred, loving. This isnae the life for ye. I am giving ye your freedom.”
Stunned, she continued to stare at him. There was no way to ignore or deny what he was saying. He had made it painfully clear.
As pain swept over her, Clover clasped her hand to her mouth to keep from crying out loud. She did not think anything could hurt as badly as his rejection, even though she had thought herself prepared to hear it. Ballard reached toward her and she flinched away. If his words could cut her so deeply, she could not risk his touch.
Then fury began to push through the knots of hurt and sorrow inside her. She would not allow him to hurt her so badly. If Ballard thought that he could discard her so callously, that she would just slink away quietly into the night, he was due for a rude awakening.
“Youhave decided, have you?” she asked in a near hiss of anger as she rose to her feet.
“Now, lass, we both ken that this is for the best.”
Ballard watched her warily. For a brief moment he thought he had seen hurt in her eyes, a deep hurt that broke his heart, but he had even less idea how to deal with the intense anger Clover was now displaying.
“The best for whom? The best for you, Mr. MacGregor? And why would being rid of me be good for you? Is there some other woman you prefer to have? Elizabeth perhaps? Am I to be set aside so that you can join up with that whore? Is that why you have been playing the matchmaker? You need not feel so guilty if you can just hand me over to another man, is that it?”
“How can ye think I would be so fickle, so heartless?” he demanded, his fists clenched at his sides.
“Me?Me?I am not the one who has just calmly announced he wishes to end our marriage, to cast aside vows spoken before God. I have not been pushing you into another woman’s arms in the hope that you would run off with her. There has to be a good reason for your behavior. Since you have not seen fit to give me one, I have supplied it.”
“I told ye my reasons. This isnae the life for ye, Clover. Since ye came to Kentucky, the circumstances that made ye marry me have changed. Your mother and brothers will soon be living with Colin Doogan. Ye have no dependents to worry about now. Without them clinging to your skirts, ye are free to return to your old life.”
Clover trembled with outrage. Words failed her. Without hesitation she picked up his tankard and poured the ale over his head.
