“Yes, and do you know, Mama, I have the strongest feeling he does not know just how handsome he is.”
“That can only be for the best. His manner is definitely rough, but he has a lot of gentlemanly qualities.”
Clover donned her robe and moved to help her mother wash her hair. “I know it is hard to say for certain, as I have known him for so short a time, but I have already formed a few opinions of his character. I believe he was being quite himself when he was with me, no airs at all. In truth, I do not think he knows how to be otherwise.”
“Another good thing. So, what is your judgment of his character?”
“Well, he can fight, yet is willing to avoid it. He has a sense of honor and likes to tease. I know he was furious when he left Sarah’s house, but he was able to set his anger aside quickly. He says what he thinks, and for all it makes me blush, I believe I like that. I often had the feeling with Thomas that he was not being fully honest with me. Ballard also made it very clear what he seeks in a wife.”
“And what is that?”
“Someone to keep his house, work beside him if need be, not whine if he cannot afford certain fineries, have his babies, and keep his bed warm.”
“Blunt, indeed,” Agnes murmured as she stepped out of the tub and began to dry off. “No wonder youblush.” She sighed. “Well, I suppose he will give you some time to know him before you are truly man and wife.”
“No, Mama, he will not.” Clover shrugged. “He admits that he ought to, but he is not of a mind to do so.”
“Oh dear, oh dear. All those things I told you when you became betrothed to Thomas—well—I mean, I thought you were to be married for love.” Agnes continued to frown and shake her head as she took her robe from a hook on the door and put it on. “I simply have no idea what to tell you now.”
“I should not worry about it, Mama.”
“But, dear, without love—” Agnes faltered, at a loss for words.
“Mama,” Clover began, blushing as she confessed, “he has already kissed me.”
“Such a bold man.”
“Well, he said a man ought to be able to kiss the woman who has proposed to him.” Clover could not repress a smile as she recalled his teasing remark.
“Oh, my saints, do you think he means to remember that?”
“I suspect it is not a thing a man easily forgets.”
Agnes smiled faintly, then grew serious again. “I do not speak of mere kisses, Clover.”
“I know, Mama. I will be honest, for I wish to ease your mind.” Clover started to fuss about, tidying up the room, so that she did not have to look her mother in the eye and embarrass them both. “I like his kisses, Mama. Very much. Truth to tell, I find it hard to think when he puts his arms around me and smiles at me. I want to keep on kissing him. I know it is not love. How can it be after so short an acquaintance? Yet Ifeel no fear of becoming his wife in all ways. In fact, I have the strongest feeling that I shall enjoy it.” She shook her head. “I am explaining myself badly.” She gave a start of surprise when she felt her mother’s hand on her arm.
“I know exactly what you mean, Clover. Of course, I felt it for your father.” A brief spasm of grief darkened Agnes’s face. “That was love. But I am speaking of another man.” Agnes blushed and gave a nervous giggle. “When your papa was courting me, I met this other man—Colin—and, oh, such a man he was. His voice, his smile, each and every aspect of his character and form sent me into a veritable swoon.”
“What happened?”
“Well, your mother is not as flighty as she often appears to be. I knew it was his beauty and the often careless desires of youth that had my feckless heart pounding. Fortunately, Colin was a good man and not one to force a girl to change her mind.” Agnes blushed again. “I knew then, and still do, that it would have been a glorious experience to have him as my lover, but I truly loved your father. I could not risk the future I knew I could have with him for something that might not last, that might be a fleeting if heady thing.”
“Do you think that is all I suffer from now? A fleeting infatuation? Simply youth and hot blood?”
“At this moment—quite probably. But, unlike myself and Colin, you and Mr. MacGregor are planning a future. You will soon be married and are prepared to make a home and a family. This feeling he stirs inside you can only be good.”
“I am glad you think so.”
“You do not?”
“It is just that I begin to wonder if I am not merely selling myself, if I am little better than a whore.”
“No, child. You are marrying the man for the same reasons that many a woman takes a husband. Your needs are simply more pressing. I am sorry that I cannot be of more help to you. I was one of a very fortunate few because there was love between your father and me, but I would have been married sooner or later in any case, with or without love. No, marrying Ballard MacGregor does not make you a whore.”
“I should have liked to have found what you and Papa shared. I thought I had it with Thomas.”
“You may yet find love, dear.”
