"So he should. Here, ye have washed enough.” Meg held out a drying cloth. “Do ye try to wash his touch away?"
"Nay,” Islaen said firmly as she stepped out of her bath. “I like his touch and I am nay ashamed to say so. There is something that troubles me and I speak of this expecting it to be kept the greatest of secrets atween us."
"Secret e'en from your fither?"
"Aye, sad to say, e'en from him."
"Aye then. Secret e'en from him."
"Do ye ken that Iain's first wife died in childbirth?” Meg nodded. “T'was a long, painful birth and the bairn died too. Iain has a fear of it now, a deep abiding fear. E'en though his brother's wife keeps having bairns and all is weel, Iain sees childbirth as a death sentence upon a woman. I cannae make him see elsewise. He willnae let me bear a bairn."
"How can he stop ye unless he keeps himself out o’ your bed. ‘Tis God's decision, not his."
"There is a way for him to stay in my bed yet not leave me with bairn—sponges."
"'Tis a sin,” Meg gasped.
"'Tis a sin to keep me from e'er having a bairn, aye, but I think the trick he speaks of could have its uses. ‘Tis not good for a woman to bear a bairn every year. Such a thing could give a woman time to grow strong again. I cannae help but think that my mither used them for we are all nearly or little more than two years apart. Seems too coincidental."
Meg frowned thoughtfully as she began to help Islaen dress. “Aye, I think ye may be right. If that is a sin, ‘tis a little one. Go on, child. I ken ye have more to say. Has he demanded that ye use such things?"
"Aye. In truth, he threatened to ne'er lie with me again an I refused. I couldnae abide that, Meg. Agree with me or nay as ye please but I mean to grasp for as full a marriage as I can. That cannae come an he and I dinnae e'en share a bed."
"Nay. Ye would soon grow to be mair strangers than ye are e'en now. Muckle a marriage is saved or lost in the bedchamber."
"So I thought, so I promised to use those things."
"Then ye mean to be barren, to ne'er hold a bairn o’ your own?” Meg asked, her shock and anger clear to hear in her voice and see in her face. “Ye would wither in sic a marriage."
"I ken it. I want bairns. I love them and dearly wish to hold my own. Truth, I think I would grow to hate Iain for denying me, yet I understand his fear. I lied, Meg. I looked him straight in the eye and lied."
Hearing the pain and guilt in Islaen's voice, Meg awkwardly patted her cheek. “'Tis nay sic a big sin, lass."
"'Tis not the way I mean to go in my marriage but I felt I had to do it. I will tell him the truth eventually. I mean to have my bairn, Meg, and, in doing so, I mean to put an end to Iain's fears. I tell ye all this for I may need your aid in this deception. Aye, especially an I get with bairn. I just pray that I dinnae add to his fears."
"Ye willnae. ‘Tis the way o’ the women in your family to be fruitful and nay suffer too much o'er it. Why maun ye keep the lie to yourself e'er ye get with bairn? Could ye nay tell him the truth once ye are sure?"
"Nay. He fears it, Meg. For a man to deny himself an heir, weel, he must fear it verra much. The longer I can keep my being with bairn a secret the less time he will have to fash himself o'er my fate. Once I am delivered of a healthy bairn and prove to him that not all women need die in childbirth, I will tell him of my lie. An I feel something amiss I will tell him for I willnae add to his guilt and pain."
"Och, lass, I think ye have a rough road ahead o'ye. Ye will have tae tread muckle carefully with nary a misstep."
"Aye, I ken it. I aim to cure yet I could make matters worse. Yet, I cannae feel that death upon a childbed is to be my fate. I cannae claim to have the sight, yet the feeling is strong that I will do as weel as me mither and me kin afore her. Do ye think ‘tis a false hope that I cling to? I really cannae risk being wrong."
"Ye are nay wrong."
"Good, ‘tis a shame that Iain hasnae any of his kin here,” she continued, “I should like to have met them ere I am made their kin. In truth, I dinnae e'en ken when I am to finally meet them. I ken little about the MacLagans. They are a small clan like ours, I think."
"I ken little mair than that. There is little bad that I have heard, which be good. I wouldnae fash yourself, lass."
Easier said than done, Islaen mused as Meg vigorously brushed her hair. Unless she somehow broke through the wall Iain had built around his heart she would be facing a lot of strangers more or less upon her own when they went to his home. She had rarely left her father's strong keep and certainly never without some of her seemingly vast family at her side. Only Meg would be with her at Caraidland. She decided she had best try to get Iain to tell her something about his family and Caraidland. Perhaps then she would not feel so lost when she arrived there. It might also give her enough knowledge to stop her from stepping wrong. Her bid to win Iain's affections could never be successful if she offended any of his kin, even through ignorance. Instinct told her that he was very close to his family.
When Meg was finished, Islaen reluctantly let the woman pull her towards a mirror, an item she felt there were far too many of at court. Warily she looked at herself. She strongly wished to look beautiful upon her wedding day and, with surprise widening her eyes, decided that Meg had come very close to fulfilling that wish. In fact, Islaen was not sure that anyone would recognize her but then she smiled. Her hair would give her away.
Glancing briefly at the bodice of her deep gold gown she wondered how she would look if her breasts were not bound, then grimaced. Iain may claim that her fullness did not truly bother him but she was far from ready to reveal her true figure to all. She was certain there would be far more stares than she would ever be able to tolerate. Islaen was glad that Iain felt it best if she waited until they went to Caraidland before she ceased to wear her binding. Looking closely, she suspected that Meg had not done her bindings as tightly as she usually did, however.
"Weel, ‘tis time to join the queen, lass. Do ye wish a bracing sip o’ wine first?” Meg asked gently and Islaen nodded.
After quickly downing the drink, Islaen took a deep, long breath in a further attempt to quell a sudden bout of nerves. “I cannae understand why I am all atremble. I have had my wedding night."
"Aye but soon ye truly leave the hame of your father, soon ye truly belong to Sir Iain MacLagan and no other."
"I just pray that he will let me belong to him."
