They were soon on their way and Bethoc felt Margaret relax in sleep against her. Checking closely to be certain she was asleep and doubting it, she said to Callum, “I am pleased beyond words that there is such spirit in the child, that she was not with Kerr long enough to be cowed, but I believe the good manners lessons must begin, beyond the ‘please’ and ‘thank you.’”
Callum laughed. “Dinnae be too strict. Connor and Payton are likely still laughing, especially over Connor being bellowed at. And at Payton having such a tiny, fierce protector.”
“Pay—ton,” said Margaret sleepily, not bothering to open her eyes even though she smiled in Callum’s direction. “Pretty mon.”
“Aye, lass. Verra pretty. The lassies have always liked Payton.”
“Is that why Connor goads him?”
“Nay.” He laughed. “Connor just finds amusement in irritating Payton. Does it whene’er he can. ’Tis an old game with them.”
Bethoc rolled her eyes. “Men’s games.”
“Aye, and verra enjoyable they can be.” He chuckled then asked quietly, “Was Gillyanne any help to ye?”
“Oh, aye, she was, though she also had a good laugh. Seems she cannae think of another who has my gift. She did warn me of the need to be careful who I let ken about it, even explained why ’tis fear that makes it all so dangerous. That I understood. That was what I saw in Kerr’s face. It is frightening when ye ken it is something about ye that put that look of fear there.” She sighed and then frowned as she tried to think of how to explain her unease. “’Tis nay pleasant to be something that causes people to feel fear.”
“Ye dinnae cause them fear, love. Their own blind stupidity does. ’Tis naught but a different skill ye have and I believe such things are God-given.”
“I ken it. ’Tis just verra bothersome but I shall sort it out. How long a ride is it from here to my home?”
“Be there on the morrow. Probably by late afternoon.”
Bethoc nodded and tried not to think on how much riding she would have to do. She glanced down at Margaret and bit back a sigh. It would not be a romantic night under the stars for her. She suspected there would not even be a chance for them to slip away and steal some time for themselves. Although she loved Margaret dearly, loved all the boys as well, she found she was increasingly wanting them to somehow miraculously disappear for a while. It was a selfish thought yet she could not really feel ashamed for having it.
Then she thought of Colin and Bean. It had been weeks since she had seen them and she was looking forward to that. She was curious to see if they had made any changes to the old house. They had often talked of things that could be changed, surprisingly clever ideas that would have made the house more like Laurel’s, a bit more elegant and comfortable. Considering it was harvest time though, she doubted they would have accomplished much at all yet.
Perhaps she should just stay there and let Callum return to Whytemont on his own, she suddenly thought, and resisted the urge to rub at the ache in her heart such a thought caused. She desperately wanted to stay at his side. She was not sure, however, if that was the right thing to do. There had been no change in their relationship in all the time they had been together, no deepening of his feelings as far as she could tell, and no talk of what future he may have thought of for them.
It was not her good name she was worried about. She was not a part of the society that would condemn her, had no need of them. It was her heart that she feared for. Bethoc knew she had already given it to him but she increasingly needed him to give back. Each day that passed that lack ate at her. She feared all they did share would soon end simply because she was too hurt and bitter to keep waiting for something he was not giving her. It would be much better to end it all before that could happen and taint all of her memories of their time together.
Then she thought of the boys and realized she could not just stay at home and let him go. She had to go back and gather up her boys. By the time they were ready to leave her home she had to make up her mind, if for no other reason than to let Colin and Bean know she would be coming back. A part of her was ridiculously eager to stay with Callum but, too often, she could see the devastation she would suffer when he decided to leave her. She was not so naïve she did not know how easily a lover could be discarded. Kerr’s love of gossip had given her enough tales to see that hard truth. She knew, deep in her heart, it would be a good thing to leave him while everything was still good rather than linger until he lost all interest and cast her aside. At least with the former she would be able to cling to her pride, although it was not something that would keep her warm at night.
Bethoc then forced all such thoughts from her head and turned her attention to where they were going. For someone who had rarely left her home except to escape to her cave, the journey was exciting even if the riding grew tedious. At least when she left him, she thought, she would know a lot more about the world than she had when she had dragged him out of the river. One day she might actually see that as a fair trade for the heartache she knew would come.
* * *
Glancing up at the sky, Bethoc realized it was very late in the day. She quickly covered a yawn. The inn they had spent the night in had been noisy and full. That and all she had been thinking on concerning her and Callum had kept her awake for most of the night. She had almost suggested they sleep outside somewhere for, at least then, she could have stared up at the stars while she thought. Then, just as she had been preparing to make the suggestion, the rain had started. So they had been stuck in a tiny room at the top of the narrow inn stairs, and the only one she suspected had slept well was Margaret, where she had been cozily tucked up between them.
She was growing eager to see Colin and Bean. They had been the closest to her in age and they had always been the ones she had to talk with. They were her friends, not just her family.
Her hope was that she would also see Laurel, Magnus, and Robbie. Knowing what Laurel had suffered in the jail, she wanted to see the woman happy, even settled, and knew Robbie would be a very good choice. She had passed the forty days of mourning so the gossips would be satisfied. It was time Laurel had a chance at a good life.
“Almost there,” said Callum.
“I ken it. I just saw the crooked tree.” She glanced toward the wind-contorted tree. “I hope there are no ill feelings because I left them for so long.”
“Nay, not them. Verra practical boys they are.”
“Aye. I just hate to think I may have hurt them.”
Callum reached over and touched her arm. “Never. Ye will see.”
Suddenly, as he drew near to touch her arm, Bethoc knew exactly what he smelled like, even wondered how she could have not known before as it was something she was so familiar with. Callum smelled like an oak tree, a big old oak tree with roots that ran deep and had wide branches that could shelter or shade a lot of people. It suited him well, she decided, and smiled back at him.
“Ye suddenly look verra pleased,” he said.
“I just realized what ye smell like.”
