“She had someone she needed to save.”
“Aye, I suppose that was it.” She did not say that she often wondered why her mother had never felt the need to save any of the rest of them, why it was only Margaret who had awakened her enough to fight for the life of her child. “I had best be on my way,” she said as she stood up.
Callum stood up as well, and as quickly as he could, then took her by the arm. “Ye said Colin was a good lad,” he said as he pulled her into his arms, liking the way her hair just lightly brushed the underside of his chin. “There is nay need to run home and ye ken it.”
“Aye, I ken it, but ’tis hard. I have been toting her around, sleeping with her at night, and playing with her most of the day for o’er two years. Ne’er apart. It will be a while before I can do so with ease.”
“I ken it.” He brushed a thumb over her lips and watched her eyes turn a dark blue. “Just a moment more,” he whispered, and kissed her.
Bethoc held him close as she gave herself over to his kiss. The feel of his mouth made her weak. She could feel the heat of him invade her body. The way he was moving his hands over her, stroking her back with his thumbs brushing against the sides of her breasts only added to that heat. When he slid his hands up and over her breasts, she shook from the intensity of the feeling that ripped through her. Then he shifted position and suddenly it was over.
“Ah, damn, I forgot for a wee while that I am, weel, impaired,” he said as he lifted his head and smiled at her. “Sorry, but I turned in a way my leg disagreed with.”
“Oh, is it hurt again?” Bethoc moved, thinking to look at it, when he tightened his hold on her.
“Nay. T’was but my leg warning me I am nay ready.”
“Nay ready for what?”
“For ye, Bethoc.”
She could not think of a thing to say as a blush heated her face, so she hurried out of the cave, taking the time to very carefully put the shrubs back. Then she found something to brush off the path as she went down it. By the time she started walking through the wood to home, she was able to try to understand what he meant.
It was more than kisses. That much she was sure of. Then she thought of the hard ridge she could feel beneath his kilt when he held her close and wondered on it. What she needed was someone to ask but there was no one. She could not ask the boys although she had the feeling they would not know all that much more than she did.
Ignorance was a hard thing, she decided. Then she thought on the horses she had seen once, years ago, and gasped. Callum could not be thinking of mounting her like a horse. The noise the female had been making did not bring her any warm feelings of anticipation. No woman would ever get married if that was how it was done.
Then she shook her head. It could well be the same but she doubted it was exactly the same. She needed to cease wondering about it and just leave it up to him. One thing she was certain of with Callum was, if she protested, he would stop. He would never knowingly hurt her.
Once home she collected Margaret and walked back to the fire to think about the evening meal. She suddenly thought on how often she did that, how many hundreds of times she had come in and fixed a meal. Sitting at the table, she watched Margaret play with the mats she had left there and actually considered not making anything, just putting bread, cheese, and meat out on the table.
It was a lovely thought, but she quickly shook it away. True, she brought that to Callum but he was captive, trapped until his leg healed. Kerr Matheson was not and would not be pleased. He would expect a hot meal, demanded one no matter what the weather.
She still had a little time, however, and decided to go out and see what the boys were doing. Once outside she looked around and sighed. The boys had done a lot of work over the years. Around the house was a very tidy garden and beyond that were fields, full of plantings that were close to being harvested. Anyone would be proud of such a place yet Kerr spent little to no time here.
Bean walked up to her, wiping his sweaty face on his shirt. “Looks good, aye?”
“Aye. I fear I ne’er just stood here and saw what ye had done. ’Tis quite wondrous.”
“Keeps Da in drink and women. And lets him play the dice.”
“And that is so wrong.” She shook her head but he kept talking.
“Weel, we have beds and food. Suspicion he thinks that is enough.”
“It isnae though. He could allow us to go into town now and then or give ye a wee bit of coin to save or spend. Ye do all the work.”
“Nay, it isnae enough and ne’er has been,” he answered in a hard, angry voice and then he took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “’Tis the way of it though.”
“I think we should make that our words on a shield.” She smiled when he laughed. “One day this will change. It has to.”
Bean nodded and then headed into the house. She did not think he believed her. She had not asked Callum anything, either. It was something she had to consider. This was now two of the boys who had expressed a wish for an end to this, the days of working all day but never gaining any benefit. Bethoc decided she would speak with Callum as soon as she could. She owed the boys that much. If she had to swallow a little of her pride to get them a better life, it was a small price to pay.
Chapter Seven
Laughing at the way Margaret was running through the garden with Cathan at her heels, Bethoc decided it was a beautiful day. The sun shone bright and warm, the sky was blue yet decorated becomingly with white fluffy clouds, and all the boys were in the garden for play, not work. It saddened her briefly that one of the reasons it was so wonderful was because Kerr Matheson was not there. That, she thought, was too sad for words.
So was the fact that she never referred to him as her father any longer, not even in her head. He was either Kerr or, at times, her foster father. She did not even speak with him unless he spoke to her, which he rarely did. If it was not for the boys, she would be like some stranger in her own home.
