“That’s awful,” she said in a soft voice. “I’m so sorry.”
I shrugged. “It was just our reality.” I hesitated, then decided I was already in this. She’d shared her story with me. And the idea of actually having a friend was starting to grow on me. “My mom named me Rue because she claimed she regretted the day she decided to have me.”
Mercy’s face tightened and though she didn’t say anything, I could see the anger in her eyes. “No child deserves that,” she finally said.
I couldn’t agree with her more. Kids deserved to be loved, but it’d made me strong and I didn’t regret the person I’d turned into because of my upbringing. Well, didn’t regret most of myself. And it was hard not to feel as though Ryan had abandoned me as well. He’d chosen this group over me. I sort of understood it. He’d never really had parents. And boys often needed those strong male role models. It was why gangs managed to lure young men away from their families so often.
“It means though, that I don’t let people in,” I told her, not mentioning Ryan for now. It was the first time I’d ever said those words out loud. “The fact that I haven’t pushed OD away yet is nothing short of a miracle,” I said with a scornful laugh.
She leaned a hip against the counter as she studied my expression. “Do you want to make something work with him?”
I swallowed past the automatic denial that tried to force its way out of my mouth.
She nodded at my silence. “Don’t worry, that’s answer enough. I can’t pretend to know how to fix any of that, but communicating is usually the answer.” She gave me a wry smile. “Kilo and I have figured that out anyway, though it’s not always easy.”
“Easier said than done,” I told her and turned back to the shrimp.
“I’ll help in any way I can,” she told me, “but don’t worry,” she added when I opened my mouth. “Your secret is safe with me.” She smiled at me over her shoulder as she got back to work. “We have to stick together against these stubborn bikers.”
Laughing, I went back to my work somehow feeling lighter despite everything that was going on.
CHAPTER 18
Overdrive
“What are you doing?”
Glancing over my shoulder at Flir, I grinned and grabbed one of the camp chairs nearby, pulling it closer as I motioned for him to sit. “Catching the show.”
“Show? What-”
Loud swearing cut him off, drawing his attention. We both watched as Bolo threw a water bottle at his older brother. Isaac laughed as he dodged the bottle and flipped his brother off.
“It’s going to be chaos around here with that whole family on the compound,” Flir said, blinking slowly as he watched the brothers meet in a clash of muscle. “How the hell am I going to keep inventory… They’re all monsters and probably eat a metric ton.” As if Flir wasn’t a big guy in his own right. He was six-two and had a six pack that made most women forget that he was a bit OCD.
Isaac wasn’t as big as Bolo, but he was still a big fucker and, having a family with three boys, wrestling over disputes wasn’t uncommon. Even Chad, their father, joined in most of the time.
“When isn’t it chaos?” I asked, watching the brothers roll around in the dirt with amusement. I didn’t bother to address the inventory thing. He’d figure that out.
As expected Bolo ended up on top, shoving his older brother’s face into the moon dust and rubbing it around. Not many managed to get the upper hand on Bolo. Not since he was about ten anyway, according to his father.
“Their poor mother,” Flir said, ignoring my obvious comment, with a shake of his head.
“She fucking loves it.”
We both looked up when a shadow fell over us. Chad sat down in one of the empty chairs and watched his boys exchange blows.
“You sure?” Flir asked, doubt heavy in his voice.
He chuckled. “Yeah. She resigned herself to being a boy mom pretty early on, and really she’s a pro at it. All it takes is a look, or even worse, the mom tone, and all three of them straighten up real fucking fast.”
“Just them?” I teased.
He snorted and took a swig from a beer bottle. “Like I’ll admit that in front of you two assholes.”
“Do I even want to know?”
I didn’t need to look to recognize Ruck’s exasperated tone. “Just working out some differences,” I told him.
