I could see her trying to be brave and hold it all in. Now it was escaping with every tear. Wrapping my arms around her, I kissed the top of her head and murmured encouraging words. Ididn’t have any idea what I said, I just knew I needed to make her feel better. To ease the hurt. For both our sakes.
CHAPTER 14
Rue
Iwoke up the next morning and buried my face in the pillow. It smelled like OD. The shower was running in the hall bath and I was grateful to have some time alone to think.
Embarrassment washed over me. Not because I’d basically jumped OD the minute he’d walked in the house. Not because we’d had sex…a couple of times throughout the day yesterday. I was embarrassed that I lost control of my emotions in front of him like that. He’d held me while I sobbed against his chest. More than once.
It was like once I got started, I couldn’t make it stop. Somehow knowing the reason for Ryan taking off ripped another hole inside of my heart. Seeing Teddy ready to take his own life because he thought he was responsible had torn another. I wasn’t sure what I would’ve done if I’d gotten there too late. Iknew, deep down, that I was hurting so badly because everyone I’d ever loved had left me. My father. My mother.
What was it about me that made no one want to stick around?
Logically, I knew it wasn’t a fair question. It was a problem with them, not me. But Ryan hurt more than the others. All I could do was think back to all the good times with him. Christmas mornings opening presents. The first days of school. What hadn’t I given him? What had he been missing that he was getting from Carrick and his crew?
Tears pooled in my eyes as I rolled over onto my back and stared at the ceiling. Teddy was a good kid. It hadn’t been his fault that Rhino had basically forced him to work for Carrick. He’d done what he could to protect Ryan. And I couldn’t be mad at Ryan for following Teddy until he figured out what was going on, and inadvertently getting roped into Carrick’s service as well. Things had just spiraled for both of them. I wouldn’t hold that against either of them. I loved them too much.
Plus, that was just the kind of kid Ryan had been. He would do anything to help his friends. I just wished he’d come to me. Let me help him. He’d probably been worried about dragging me into the middle of it, too. I didn’t know what was keeping him there, but there had to be a reason. I was determined to figure it out so he could come home.
Sighing, I scrubbed my hands over my face. Honestly, none of us would’ve been equipped to take on Carrick or his goons. Clearly, since my run ins with Rhino had ended with me asking OD for help.
“You okay?”
Dropping my hands, I lifted my head and stared at OD. He was standing in the doorway, a towel low on his hips, watching me. Of course it was low. Deliciously low.
“Yeah,” I managed to croak out. Clearing my throat, I sat up. At some point in the middle of the night, I’d dragged on my panties and one of his t-shirts so I wasn’t sitting there naked at least. “I think I owe you an apology.”
His lips twitched. “What the hell for?”
“For jumping you like that. I was-”
“That’s something you never have to apologize for,” he scoffed. He moved toward his dresser. I didn’t avert my eyes when he dropped his towel and started dragging on a pair of boxer briefs. The man had a phenomenal ass.
“For getting you involved in all this,” I added. “I had no idea it was so…messed up.” Okay. I’d had an idea. People were showing up dead after all. But there’d still been a part of me that figured it was all going to resolve on its own. That Ryan would come home and the bodies would stop showing up. It was wistful thinking, though. All of it.
It was only going to stop when someone put an end to it. This was all just so damn overwhelming. “I should get out of your hair.”
He turned, pulling a t-shirt over his head. “You don’t want to come stake out Carrick with me today?”
I froze, part way out of the bed. “You know where to find him?”
“Oh yeah,” he said, a slow menacing smile spreading over his face.
“And…you’d let me come?”
“So long as if shit hits the fan you stay out of it,” he said with a shrug. “But I’m not expecting that. Not today. He doesn’t know two of his men are dead yet. He’s not expecting trouble. I just want to do a little recon before we systematically take apart the fucker’s world.”
Why was this making my throat tight with gratitude and some other emotion I couldn’t quite place? It was weird to hearhim say he was going to harm someone else and for me to feel thankful. Except he was doing it for me. That was why I was so damn grateful I could cry.
“Yeah. I want to go.”
“Good. Why don’t we stop by your place? Get some clothes and whatever shit girls need? We’ll drop it back by here, you can shower, then we’ll go find ourselves a fuckhead to watch.”
“You want me to stay here with you?” I asked. I’d called into work yesterday and asked for some time off. I didn’t need to be back at the hospital for at least two weeks. Probably end up being more. I had a lot of leave saved up and this was a great time to use it. I’d thrown myself into work after Ryan’s disappearance instead of taking time off. That would’ve left me home alone in my apartment with nothing to do but obsess.
“Yeah, I do,” he said, stepping closer to me as I fully got out of the bed and stood by its side. “I don’t want you to be alone.”
I nodded, my heart sinking a little in my chest. Of course he didn’t want that. Because I probably looked a lot like Teddy did yesterday, hopeless and lost. He didn’t want to be responsible for the chick he’d slept with doing something crazy. “I’d be fine, you know…”
