These types of opportunities will come around again… maybe. Either way, I’ll always choose Eden’s happiness, and my family’s synergy over my own wants and needs.
Eden jumps up from the bed and wraps her arms around my neck in a squeeze.
“I love you, sis. Now please explain to me why you’re dressed like this?”
“Ah, I have a dinner for a potential modeling gig for a new clothing line.”Not anymore.
She raises a brow. “With the solar power salesman?”
I laugh out loud, my mind instantly drifting to Cain and his disappointment when I mentioned meeting up with Rebeltonight. I bet he’ll be relieved to know that I’m no longer going to that dinner.
“No. Get this, it’s with Rebel XOXO.”
I doubt rock stars like him are okay with women like me rescheduling favors. There are a thousand other models that he could use with more experience anyway. I sigh softly and slump down at my desk my fingers falling to the appointment reminder that I should probably prep for.
Eden’s eyes widen. “You don’t mean,theRebel XOXO, do you?”
“One and the same.”
She jumps up and heads to the doorway with a wide smile across her pretty face. “I’m so proud of you.”
My brows raise. “Uh, why would you be proud of me?”
She smiles. “Because number one that’s fucking cool, and number two he’s taking you on a date!” She squeals as I shake my head.
“It’s not a date.”
“You might not be thinking that, but how often do you get to have dinner with a rockstar? I know you’re swamped, with the hotel, the therapy appointments, the thrift store, but you’re taking the time to do something fun for yourself tonight and have a break. You haven’t done that in a long time. When was the last time you justletloosein New York City? You should totally get drunk with him and do something crazy.”
Her words land square in my chest like a barb. And when she leaves, the door to my bedroom left slightly ajar, guilt rushes in to take her place. First, because this wasn’t something I was doing forme forfun.It was about money. About our family. Another work opportunity and a chance to generate more revenue.
And second, because she’s right. I never take time for myself. The last time I took a break from the grind was Halloween night, and that’s only because Leo dragged me out with him and Chris.
And the last time I hit the city without any thoughts of duty, responsibility and regret was almost a year ago. Bryant Park. The night that I first met Cain.
I sit on the edge of my bed, staring down at the floor, at the straps of my high heels cutting across my feet, and all I can think about is how easy it is for me to pretend that I’m fine when slowly, I’m drowning in the weight of responsibility, shame, and most of all, guilt. How easy it is to play a version of myself I barely recognize anymore.
Despite being a therapist who hands out advice all day like ‘give yourself some grace,’I’m no poster child for self-care. And deep down, I know why I’m not hesitating to cancel with Rebel and enjoy myself, instead focusing on the sure thing, the therapy appointment in the city tonight. It’s because I know it’s what Mom and Dad would have done if they were still alive.
They always put us first, even when it meant sacrificing their own wants and needs to make us happy or spend time with us.Even if it meant losing their selves at times.
If I can carry even a sliver of that unselfishness forward, then I hope I’m making them proud. I owe it to them. I owe them so much more.
I get up and head to my closet, rifling through the clothes until I find something more decent—a simple maroon sweater dress with a modest dip in the neckline and a silk bow that ties around the waist.
I pull it on, tugging the tie tightly as if to anchor myself to my purpose: supporting my family and being the stand-in motherthat Eden needs, then grab a pair of knee-high black boots and slip them on.
Without even glancing at the appointment’s address, I shove my laptop into my bag and head out. A quick walk to the train station and then straight into the city for work.
I don’t care who this couple is or why they so urgently need me. Someone needs my support with their marriage, and all I can think about as the train bumps along the tracks is how badly I need someone to support me too. And that no matter what I do, I’m failing somebody in this situation—Eden or myself.
Damned if I meet up with Rebel and let her believe I’m prioritizing my own needs while causing her to miss out on her school trip to Arizona because we can’t afford the cost.
Damned if I don’t meet up with Rebel and spend another night working so she can afford her trip.
I pull out my phone and fire off a text to Rebel asking if he’d be willing to reschedule for later this week. He doesn’t reply which isn’t surprising. Instead, a message from my sister comes in.
Eden: I love you. Thank you for always making my dreams come true. I’m proud of you for doing something for yourself tonight. Have fun with the hot, rock star. Take a picture for me.
