And the idea that it’s theonlyway to live—while pushing guilt onto those who can’t afford asix-thousand-dollar,glue-free, all-organic couchto sit my bare ass on while I’m eating chocolate ice cream straight out of the carton and binge-watching episodes ofHow I Met Your Mother—isn’t just unrealistic. It’s impossible for many.
And it’s not that this company is right or wrong, it’s that they’re missing half the picture. Life isn’t clean and perfect all the time. It’s messy and complicated, and sometimes the right choice for you is just the one that keeps you going.
Perhaps it’s because I’ve been a therapist for years now, but with everything in life, I’ve always thought that the truth lies somewhere in the grey. That the best decision is variable and that most things are subjective.
Food choices? There’s no single plan that works for everyone. Figure out what feels right for you and don’t stress over the latest fad.
Toilet paper? Over or under, either works, as long as you’re wiping till the job’s done.
The pronunciation of the word GIF?(You can’t tell me that it isn’t said like Jiffy peanut butter and not Gi-ff.)
Coke or Pepsi? Who cares. Drink what makes you happy.
Pizza, though, especially here in the Northeast, that’s sacred. Fold it like a taco, don’t eventhinkabout crust-first. Some lines we just don’t cross.
What’s that old saying? ‘Opinions are like butt holes. Everyone has one.′And opinions on almost everything in life are subjective.
After another thirty minutes of scrolling through the company’s social media, absorbing all their recommendations, my eyes are burning, and my ears are ringing from their bright, bubbly voices telling followers how “ABC is GOOD!” and anything else is “BAD!”
I stare at the glowing screen, at Madison and Matt’s bright smiles and soft voices. And I think of Eden. I think of theoverwhelm and pressure to be perfect all the time. How she’s been quieter lately, stricter with herself and routine.
Maybe this is where she’s been finding comfort: in rules that promise safety and give her some control. In the black and white. I get that. I also get that this company receives commission for the products that they sell, and therefore their marketing approach is going to support their mission statement. They’re simply repeating what they believe to be true.
And at Eden’s age I wanted someone to tell me exactly how to live, too. She’s on the cusp of so much change, clinging to something that feels safe. I just wish she’d felt like she could talk to me about it all.
While showering, I try to think through what to do with this new information. Gabriel and I have kept Eden sheltered from the harsh realities of life since our parents passed. We’ve always wanted to protect her innocence, support her dreams, and shield her from the struggles we’ve experienced while trying to rebuild our lives and raise her without anything seeming different.
But maybe we’ve sheltered her too much because thingsaredifferent for our family. Are we setting her up for failure when she learns that adulthood isn’t about meeting a measure of perfection defined by someone else, but compromise?
Is there a way that we can find space in our budget for the higher cost of purchasing some of the brands she believes are healthier while still being able to pay our water bill each month?
By the time I finish showering, it’s almost five in the evening, and there’s no time for me to pull together much for dinner or come up with a solution. I remember Eden’s complaints from earlier in the day and throw together a simple pasta salad with some chopped veggies that are on the verge of expiring,mozzarella balls, and drizzle olive oil over them before leaving it out on the table for when she gets home.
I then light my favorite pumpkin candle, giving the whole home a cozy, autumn smell and feel that takes me back to simpler days when mom was still alive and I could just be a kid instead of worrying about screwing up my little sister.
I sigh and head upstairs for my final therapy session of the day.
Later that night, lying awake in bed, I can’t stop thinking about the company that is marketing to their followers on how to live like an influencer.
I reach for my laptop, unable to resist looking their page up again. I find a new video where Matt spends five minutes breaking down why he believes a popular sneaker brand is terrible for your foot health and ends with a recommendation for a shoe brand he partners with. It’s the kind of sponsorship every influencer seems to have these days.
And the cost of those shoes? A whopping five-hundred dollars.
I can’t help but laugh, an idea suddenly sparking in my mind. And that’s the moment that I decide to offer another perspective. Not to mock anyone, but to remind people that someone else’s definition of perfection doesn’t have to be yours.
My fingers hover over the screen as I create a brand-new social media account, one hidden behind the anonymity of the internet.
‘Living in a world of fifty shades of grey.’
I chuckle to myself as I set up the info. For my bio, I choose a tagline that sums up how I feel:‘There’s no one right path. The correct answer for you, may be different for someone else. Don’t feel guilted into your choices. And with most matters, the best choice lies somewhere in the grey.’
After publishing the page, I record my first ever video, never showing my face, just my voice, where I take on the topic of Matt’s latest post by suggesting alternatives like bare feet, a much cheaper brand that does the same job as the shoes he’s recommending, or you know, just wearing the shoes you already have in your closet.
I never mention their company, blog, or the shoe brand directly. That’s not the point of this. The goal is just to start a conversation about how not everything in life has to be all or nothing. Your options aren’t either to spend $500 or suffer.
"While suggestions on shoe brands that do more than cover your feet are well meaning, I’d urge you not to feel pressured to burn your wardrobe to look like an influencer. Go barefoot if you’d like. Purchase new, high-tech shoes, thrift, or wear your high heels. Do whatever makes you feel the most confident and happy physically and mentally.”
My pulse quickens as I hit submit, close my laptop, and fall asleep with a smile on my face.
