He smiles. “See, I’d never put you at risk.”
“But did you really get the allergy pens?”
He nods. “I did. Just in case. But I wouldn’t have done it if I didn’t know you were going to be fine. I wanted you to be comfortable.”
I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him. “Wow… you did all that just because you didn’t want me to miss out on peanut butter?”
He chuckles. “And I’d do a lot more. Just wait and see. Now let me hold you.”
He gently spins me until my back is to his front and then wraps his arms tightly around me. And for the first time in a long time, I feel completely content. I’m not worried about what comes next or when I need to slip out and disappear. I’m lost in this moment with him where only the present exists.
“What’s this scar from?” he asks, tracing the outline of the small bit of raised skin on my left hip.
The lie I usually tell when someone notices it at the pool, in a bikini or during a video shoot sits on the tip of my tongue before I swallow it down. Because if I’m serious about knowing Cain, I can’t keep hiding behind that same wall.
It’s time to start being vulnerable. To let someone see the pain that I’ve been carrying instead of pretending it doesn’t exist. To let someone else help me hold the weight for once.
“I was in a car accident when I was twenty years old.”
His hands still on my hip. I wonder if he already knows the significance of this story.
“Was it serious?”
I nod.
He pauses, waiting for me to continue.
“I’d gone out with my boyfriend at the time to celebrate my twentieth birthday, and we’d had a few drinks. A few hours into celebrating, he abruptly broke up with me. It was completely unexpected for me but apparently, he’d been thinking about doing it for a while. I guess he’d started developing feelings for one of his friends who was in grad school with him.” I draw in an unsteady breath remembering how sad I’d been.
“He left me stranded in NYC at a bar. I was way too drunk and heartbroken to get a cab back to my dorm room at NYU, so I called my parents and begged them to take me back to Brookhaven with them. I knew they were having a rare date night in the city, so it worked out and they were happy to come get me.”
I shake my head, grateful that he can’t see the tears that have filled my eyes.
“I thought a weekend with my parents in Brookhaven would heal everything. God, I had no idea how wrong I was because that weekend took everything that I loved the most from me so cruelly.”
I prepare myself for the worst part of the story.
“I was pretty much black out drunk, slumped in the back seat of their car when the accident happened. I don’t remember any of it, but the driver had been drunk, going sixty miles over the speed limit when they hit us head-on. My parents died instantly. I walked away without a single scratch. And I’ve blamed myself for their deaths and the hole that they’ve left in our family ever since.”
“Rhiannon.” His fingers dig into my hips until he’s spinning me around under the covers to face him.
I meet his gaze, tears dripping down my cheeks now. His hand cups my face and he wipes away each droplet tenderly.
“I’m so sorry for your loss, but that wasn’t your fault, and I refuse to let you take the blame for an accident that you didn’t cause.”
“If I hadn’t called them and they hadn’t ended their date early, they wouldn’t have been on the road at that exact moment. The only reason I wasn’t killed too was because I was so drunk.”
“That doesn’t mean any of it was your fault.”
I sigh softly. “I know I didn’t cause the accident, but I still felt responsible and it’s a burden that I’ve carried for years now. Everything that I do, my jobs, how I spend any spare time, all of it I’ve dedicated to making sure Eden doesn’t feel like she’s missing out on anything without having our parents here. I feel guilty that she only got them for ten years.”
He listens to me carefully, nodding as his eyes study mine.
“I feel so much loyalty to my siblings and everything I’ve done is to be sure that they have a good life. It’s what my parents would have wanted. It’s what they would have done for Eden if they were still here because they were the best, most unselfish people I’ve ever known.”
He nods his head, tucking me in closer to his chest as I hear his heartbeat soothing me to sleep. It doesn’t feel as bad as I thought it would, opening to someone about something I feel so much shame around. My biggest secret and the reason I feel like my twenties have been a struggle to just stay afloat. The guilt that follows me like a dark cloud.
“I understand how much family means to you. Thank you for sharing this with me,” he says softly. “Thank you for being vulnerable with me.”
