It was getting harder to convince himself of it.
During dinner, there had been so many moments he’d wished he could share with Claire.Inside jokes, funny family stories and the like.It would warm his heart to be able to create those sorts of memories with her.
“Are you okay, Nick?”
He’d almost forgotten his father was standing next to him.“Yeah.”
“You don’t seem yourself, son.You haven’t for a while, to be honest.”His dad cleared his throat.“I hope that business with Kristy isn’t still causing trouble for you.”
Nick’s face burned.He’d told his parents about the fiasco, or at least, had given them the high-level version of the story.Neither of them used much social media, but he’d wanted to keep them in the loop in case someone they knew shot them a link.“No, it’s not that.It’s Claire.”
“The new woman in your life?”
“I’m not even sure I can call her that, Dad.The whole casual thing…it’s really her idea.”
“But it’s not working for you?”
“I want it to work.It’s worked for me before.But this time, something’s missing.Right from the beginning, I liked Claire, really liked her.We have this connection, and I want to explore it, but I don’t want to scare her away.She’s a widow, and I’m not sure we want the same things.”
“It sounds as if you’ve been considerate of her feelings.”
“I’m trying.”
“But you want more.”
“Dad, do you ever feel like you’re searching for something, but you don’t know what it is?”
“I think you know what it is, Nick.You’ve always known exactly what you’ve wanted out of life.You’re a straight shooter.Even as a kid, you knew.I remember when your mother and I introduced you boys to music lessons.We started you all on the piano, to give you the basics.You lasted precisely three weeks and then walked out of your lesson saying, ‘It’s not loud enough.I want to play drums.’”
“I remember that.”Nick chuckled.“But this is different.I feel like I’m floundering, like I’m on my own in every part of my life.For so long, I’ve just been one of the Zorn boys.People saw us as a unit.When we succeeded, we succeeded together.When we got in trouble, we got in trouble together.Even in school, I had a couple of teachers who never called me Nick.They called me things like, ‘Young Zorn’ or ‘Little Zorn.’There was this kid in my class who latched on to it.He started calling me ‘Zorn the Lesser’.”
His father grunted.“Who said that?”
“It doesn’t matter anymore.”Nick sighed.“Dad, what if I really am Zorn the Lesser?I’ve wanted a chance to make a name for myself, and now I’m getting it, but what if it all backfires?”
“Nicholas Henry Zorn, you stop that right now.You are an outstanding person and your mother and I are incredibly proud of you, not because you’re part of a unit, but because of who you are.Can’t you see how accomplished you are?”
“Then why do I feel so lost?Why does it feel like I’m drifting, like I have no anchor?”
“You might have to be your own anchor, Nick.”
He’d always been so fortunate to have good role models.Nick sometimes forgot to look at himself in the same light.
“Son, I could rattle off your achievements, but you know them as well I do.You are going to be fine.You’ve a very good man.”
“Thanks, Dad.”
“Would you mind if I made a suggestion, though?”
“Please.”
“Let Claire know how you feel.”
“It’s no use.I don’t see how it can work.How can a relationship survive if one of the parties is always on the road?It’s not fair.”
“Hmm.”David Zorn tapped the railing a few times, musing.“Did I ever tell you about the time I took that carpentry job in the Yukon?”
“The Yukon?When was that?”
