The doctor’s brow had creased.Shannon was pregnant. Again, you have my deepest condolences.
“Alex?” Dana whispered. “Tell me.”
Although it hung like a weight, he lifted his head to look at her. “I didn’t know. Shannon never told me. They figured she was four months pregnant with my child, but she never said a word. The fucking doctor was the one who told me I could have been a father.”
Moving with trepidation, Dana sat on the couch across from him. Not next to him.
He was losing her. She wouldn’t forgive him this lie of omission, not after everything she’d been through.
“Only three people knew, outside the hospital staff. Me and Shannon’s parents. I don’t even think they told Gordon. At least, he’s never mentioned it. When Shannon died, the baby died. The Deans always threatened me with exposing the truth about the baby. It’s been hanging over my head all this time. Patterson must have finally gotten to them. I knew he would.”
“Why didn’t you tell me earlier?”
“Because I can’t take the shame.” He threw up his hands. “Don’t you get it? I should have been there, but I was passed out in our room. While Shannon bled to death, while my baby slowly died, I was pissed out of my gourd!”
Tears poured over Dana’s cheeks.
“It’s haunted me ever since. Do you have any idea how many nights I lay awake, wondering if the baby was a boy or a girl? Do you know how many nights I drank myself into a stupor, needing to forget? But I can’t forget. I see the baby everywhere. It’s little face, its tiny fingers. I’ve even created a whole fantasy world around it. I swear some days I can see its hair color, eye color. I can hear that baby laughing and crying. Only none of it’s real. Because of me, Shannon is dead. Because of me,” he said, his chest heaving, “my child is dead.”
After his outburst, neither of them spoke. Too ashamed to face her, Alex surrendered to his grief and let his aching head fall to his knees. He covered his head with his good arm and wept.
A few minutes passed but he didn’t look up. When he heard some shuffling, he finally forced himself to blink away his tears and wipe his snot and look at her.
Surely, she was getting up to walk away.
From him.
Only she hadn’t.
Dana crouched in front of him and rested a gentle hand on his arm.
“I understand if you want to call things off. I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you when I had a chance, Dana. I just couldn’t bear to think about how it might make you feel.”
“No.” She wiped her tears away. “I’mthe one who’s sorry, Alex. I’m sorry for all the pain you’ve endured. And I’m so sorry that I showed you anything other than compassion just now. That headline, it came out of nowhere, and we’ve been so happy. I just wasn’t expecting to read that.”
“I know. It’s been killing me inside because I always knew this day would come. I was the only one the doctor told about the baby, but I told Shannon’s parents out of respect. It just made them angrier. I begged them not to say anything to anyone. Her death was already a circus. But they lost their grandchild that day, and they’ve never forgiven me. I’ve never forgiven myself.”
“Now you listen to me. I don’t care how Patterson twisted the truth. I know you, and I know you would never hurt another soul.”
He dared to caress her cheek, so relieved she didn’t push him away. “Now that it’s out, I can handle the world hating me, but I could never handle you hating me.”
“I don’t hate you, Alex.” She smiled through her tears. “I love you.”
“You do?”
“Yes, you silly man. I know it’s far too soon for me to even be thinking it, never mind admitting it to you. It’ll probably give my sister a heart attack, but I’m willing to deal with her because you mean the world to me. You told me I was enough for you, Alex, so here I am. Offering myself to you, if you’ll have me.”
“I’ll have you.” He stood, pulling her up with him. They embraced and he ran his hands under the t-shirt she’d commandeered, resting his forehead on hers. Her skin was so soft, so soothing. The greatest comfort he’d ever known. “And I love you too.”
She cupped his face with both her hands and kissed him with butterfly softness. But when she opened her eyes, there was a fierce determination in their depths. “We will handle this,together. Do you hear me? I’m not going anywhere.”
“I hear you.”
“And when I get my hands on that slime Bill Patterson, I’m going to scratch his fucking eyes out. I hope that man has cashed in all his Lotto tickets because he’s about to meet his maker.”
Alex laughed. God, he loved this woman, and couldn’t wait to plan a future with her. He slid a hand up to her bare breast and cradled her softness.
If Dana could forgive him, maybe it was time he learned to forgive himself.
