“You didn’t do this.”
“Didn’t I? I don’t know. And even if I didn’t cause it, I’m drowning under the weight of it. It’s always there, Alex, at the back of my mind. It’s like a monster, clawing at me. Every time I find a distraction, I feel the scratch of its nails on my back. Reminding me. Torturing me.”
Her description tortured him.
“Some days, I think it might kill me.”
“No.” He pulled her into his arms. “You’re too strong for that. Besides, I won’t let anything happen to you.”
“I’m not sure I deserve your friendship.”
“I’m not offering friendship, Dana. You know that.”
She gazed at him. Once again, her face was so close, so touchable. And yet she was vulnerable in the worst way. He shouldn’t want her, but he did. He wanted to take her into his bedroom and fuck the sadness out of her. He wanted to fuck her into a state of unending bliss.
“Look.” With trouble, he put some space between them. He couldn’t think when she was so close. “I’m not trying to pressure you, and I know you believe you’re making some sort of noble sacrifice by staying away from me, but let’s not kid ourselves. We care about each other. We want each other. I’d like to be at your side for this, but not just for this. For everything. And I think if you give us a chance, we can work through these feelings together.”
She stood and paced. “What if I’m not enough for you? What if you change your mind?”
“Listen to me.” Alex reached for her. “Anyone who thinks you’re not enough on your own is a damn fool. And as for either of us changing our minds, we’ll never know if you’re not willing to take that risk.”
“I can’t.”
“Nothing in life is guaranteed. Children, marriage, jobs, health, sanity. None of it. But whatever we’re given, I’d like to share it with you.”
“How can you know? It’s too soon.”
“I get that. I’ve just never felt this way before.”
Wonder made her dark eyes appear twice as large. “I’m not sure I’m ready to make promises.”
“I don’t expect any. Let’s start out simple. We agree not to label this and we take it one day at a time. We can even keep things platonic. Just don’t shut me out.”
“Platonic, huh?”
He grinned. “Sure. Why not? I can do platonic. I’m an easy-going guy.”
When she smiled back, the horrible millstone rolled away. “Yeah, sure. Something tells me you can do platonic and easy-going as well as you can do messy.”
“Yeah, well, I’ve been doing messy pretty well lately.”
“Really?”
“There are three shirts sitting on my closet floor right now. I’m almost filthy.” He chuckled. “I’m just asking for a chance to be there for you.”
“I’d…like that.”
Not only did the millstone disappear, it took the vise with it. Alex’s heart expanded like a balloon, filling his veins with heat again. “Good. So, it’s too early to go out. Do you want to watch TV?”
“No, thanks. I’m already worrying about how I’m going to make it through the work day. I’ll be a zombie.”
“It’s Sunday. Do you always work the weekends?”
“No, but I just got a new convention. I wanted to get a head start on a few things.”
“Oh, yeah? Which convention?”
“The mystery writers.”
