“What I did.” He rolled his eyes at the turn of phrase. “The producers ofHandymenhave invited the families of those children to come on the show and rehash the ordeal.”
“But it’s not a true crime show. It’s about renovations.”
“I know. Some of the parents reached out to the producers because I won’t talk to them. I can’t talk to them. And it seems the producers are only too happy to hear them declare me aheroon camera.”
“But Michael, you are. I agree, the show could be tacky if not handled well, but it doesn’t change the fact you saved those children.”
“Em, I don’t want to look back. I don’t want to remember. A woman died that day because I didn’t get to her quickly enough.”
“No. A woman died that day because her ex-husband shot her. Surely you don’t think it’s your fault that man pulled a gun on his wife?”
“I get it. He went nuts, but if I hadn’t been so absorbed in fixing a leak in her basement, I might have heard him enter the house. I thought I heard arguing but from where I was, I figured the kids were just making noise. I should have realized it was something else. I should have gone upstairs sooner.”
“If you had, you might have been the one going to the morgue that day. Even if you had gone upstairs sooner, it doesn’t mean he wouldn’t have found a way to shoot his wife.”
“But it might have made a difference.”
“I’m not a doctor, but it sounds as if you’re dealing with a hefty dose of survivor’s guilt. You can’t blame yourself. You did nothing wrong.”
“My shrink called it PTSD.”
PTSD. She’d only ever heard the term used in conjunction with war veterans, but knew the government was now advocating programs for first responders. Positive changes, but did that include someone like Michael, someone who’d tumbled into a nightmare scenario? “You’ve been seeing a doctor?”
“I was. Not anymore. I’m not sick, just…stuck. I just need to man up and move on. These flashbacks are just like bad dreams. You have to shake them off and then they’ll fade away.”
“But Michael, from what I’ve heard, PTSD is a serious condition.”
“I agree, but I don’t have it. I haven’t been through a war.”
“With all due respect, you looked like a prisoner of war when you almost hit the decks at the Bamboo Gigolo. When I walked in just now, you looked like you were fighting a battle. You’re suffering, Michael. Anyone can see it. I think your doctor might have had a point.”
Sighing, he moved the blanket aside and dragged her onto his lap so she straddled him. Emily wound her arms around his neck and his hands rested on her bottom. He pulled her close. “I’m fine. Please don’t worry about me. I just don’t like the fact the producers and Lacey went behind my back to the parents. Why can’t anyone understand I don’t want accolades? I just want this to be over.”
“Okay, so maybe having the parents on the show is a bad idea, but clearly these people are desperate to talk to you. They just want to thank you for being a hero.”
“Please don’t say that word.” The fatigue in his face made him look older than his years.
“Hero? Is it such a bad word?”
“I don’t want it applied to me.”
“That doesn’t make you any less of one. That man might have killed those kids. You stopped him, giving no thought to your own safety, from what I heard.”
“Anyone would have done the same.”
“Do you honestly believe it? I don’t. I think most people would have been looking for the nearest escape route.”
“Look, Em, I appreciate your concern. I really do. And I’m thankful for…your company last night, but I think I should head back to my place.”
“The sun’s not even up.”
“I realize that and I don’t want you to drive me home. I’ll take a cab.”
Something snapped inside her. Seeing him there in her condo in the wee hours, wearing only his boxer briefs and a sad face made her want to take care of him. He looked so appealing and yet so vulnerable. She wanted to bring him to her breast and stroke his hair, whispering words of encouragement, in the hopes she’d get through to him.
His physical symptoms made her feel sick. On some deep level, even if he knew better, Michael hated himself for not being there for Jane, even though there was likely nothing he could have done. It saddened her more than seeing Trent cheat. It made her feel worse than anything had in a long time.
“No. Don’t leave. I don’t want you to go.”
