Lacey clapped a hand over her mouth. “I swear you Zorns live under a pile of two-by-fours.”
Michael glared at Nick. “Could you troll for groupies on your own time?” He returned his attention to Lacey, somehow even more annoyed than he had been ten seconds ago. “Definesexy.”
“Well, for starters,” she replied, reaching into a bag at the side of her chair, “they’d like the three of you to ditch the blue jeans and modest shirts and wear these under some coveralls.” She pulled out white sleeveless tees emblazoned with the show’s logo and held them up.
Michael’s jaw dropped. Someone, in his wisdom, had also included little cartoon avatars of the brothers next to the logo. The tiny handymen each wielded a tool of the trade and had exaggerated muscles. Popeye on a spinach bender could not have looked more ridiculous.
Judging from the masculine gasps next to him, Eli and Nick had also entered states of abject horror. The guffaws echoing around the room must have come from their burly crew members.
Michael crossed his arms. “I amnotwearing a tank top. Especially that one.”
“You tell her, bro.” Eli looked at the shirt the way he might look at a fresh wad of mucus on the sidewalk.
“I think they’re cute,” said Lacey. “Come on, guys. The women want close ups of your guns. You have muscles. Most men would be happy to show them off.”
“No offense, Lacey.” Nick shook his head. “I’m all for sex appeal, but those shirts look like what fake contractors would wear in porn movies. Not that I’ve seen any.”
“Out of the question.” Michael sat up straighter. “Are we done here?”
“Not quite.” Lacey rolled her eyes. “Look, I’ll go back to Inspiration and let them know you’re uncomfortable with the suggested wardrobe. As a compromise, however, I need more energy, moreoomph. I’d like you to play a bit more on camera. The three of you come off stiff sometimes. Flirt a little.”
“Flirt?” Michael rotated his shoulders, stretching out the tense muscles. “But most of the guests on the show are couples. I doubt the men want us flirting with their girlfriends. I sure as hell wouldn’t.”
She had the sense to blush. The only people who knew about his affair with Lacey were his brothers, but she’d still likely feel the sting of chastisement.
“No one wants you to flirt with the women,” she explained. “Flirt with the camera. You know. Little asides. Winks to the audience, that sort of thing. Act as if you’re speaking directly to the female consumer. Engage her. Make that viewer feel as if she’s the only woman in your life.”
Eli put up his hand, like a kid in class. “You want us tomake loveto the camera?”
Louie made kissy noises at the back of the room, until Nick silenced him with a crumpled up paper missile.
“This is insane,” said Michael. “When we agreed to host this show, we did so because it would be a reflection of our contracting business. Professional, helpful, and efficient. We didn’t sign up for some weird TV version of Tinder.”
Granted, perhaps he’d already made a mockery of his professionalism by sleeping with the director, but he was only human and he’d learned from his mistakes. Besides, he realized now sleeping with Lacey had been a welcome distraction at a time when he’d needed one. Would he do it all again differently if given the chance? Of course.
With Lacey, he’d found a means to an end. He’d been able to lose himself in mindless sex in order to forget one horrible moment in his past. He hated to admit it, but if it hadn’t been her, it would have been some other woman. He knew that now and he doubted anyone would blame him.
“Look, Michael.” Lacey lowered her voice, an attempt to placate him. “Just keep an open mind for now and trust I will do everything in my power to make you all look good. But in case you’ve forgotten, guys, our competition is not above a bit of gratuitous sex. We’re dealing in fantasy here, and if we can’t deliver it, someone else will. We can’t forget about ratings. If you can help me achieve those ratings in some other way, I’d love to hear it.” She paused, letting her words sink in. “Trust me. Have I steered you wrong yet?”
“No.” Michael knew Lacey had protected their interests for the past year, despite their personal problems. The brothers had agreed to doHandymenbecause they thought it would promote Zorn Contracting. Truth be told, business had boomed, so much so they’d had to take on extra help. Still, none of the brothers had embarked on this venture to become Hollywood stars, or even Canadian TV stars. They simply wanted to promote good workmanship and help home owners recognize the pitfalls of renovation. However, since the show launched a couple of seasons ago, it had become popular. Apparently, just not popular enough.
“I don’t want to let any cats out of the bag,” said Lacey. “But I need everyone here to up their games. Important people are starting to watch this show. In fact, someone at HGTV has even expressed interest.”
This time, jaws dropped all around.
“TheHGTV?” asked Michael.
“Yes.”
For a moment, no one spoke. Even Michael had to admit he was impressed. If HGTV picked them up, the show would be broadcast almost everywhere. This was the sort of development for which the team had been hoping. A broader audience, greater resources, and access to better supplies. It was a contractor’s dream come true.
Was it really his dream come true, as Lacey suggested? He supposed he’d be an idiot to say no. As long as the show didn’t become tacky. Michael refused to lower his standards to appeal to the common denominator.
Nick was the first to pipe up. “Will HGTV make us wear tank tops?”
“They’re not tank tops. Look, forget the shirts for now.” Lacey’s eye twitched. “I want everyone here to think about how you can bring more excitement to the show, more emotion. I promise I won’t ask anyone to do a strip tease. Now is everyone set as far as the next taping? Our guests are Emily Daniels and Trent Andrews, the couple who want to renovate an old house in Little Italy so they can sell organic soup.” Her lip twisted. “Apparently the world is in dire need of more watered-down food. Michael, is your team set for supplies?”
“Yeah. I’ve been in touch with Ms. Daniels by email several times. She’s confirmed all her preferences. There have been no issues with sponsors. We’ve got all our appliances and hardware ready to go at the warehouse.”
