“Truthfully? Both.”
“I see. How long has this been going on?”
“Lloyd said it’s always been going on and I just didn’t know it.”
“Wait. Back up. When did Lloyd say this?”
“Last night.”
Ryland raked his fingers through his hair. “Is this a prank? If so, it’s in poor taste.”
“It’s not a fucking prank, Ry. He came to me in a dream. A couple of times now. He told me he wants me to be with Elaine, tomake loveto her.” Connor hoped his clawed air quotes looked bitter because he felt bitter.
“He used those words?”
“Pretty much.”
“I’m going to be honest, Connor. You might actually be a tiny bit insane.”
“I know! That’s what I said. It’s crazy, right? But I can’t stop thinking about her. I worry about her and the kids all the time. When I’m not with her, I want to be with her. And it’s not just because of their health issues. I just like being with her. And she smells like roses, you know? Really nice. My mountain lion sniffs her all the time. It wasn’t the least bit interested in Marcelle, not even when she kissed me.”
“You’re going too quickly now. Marcelle kissed you?”
“Yeah, and it was okay, but just okay. You know what I mean? It didn’t fire me up. It didn’t make me want to tear her clothes off. In fact, I couldn’t wait to get away from her. I just wanted to kiss Elaine instead.” He ended on a huff. “I’m a very bad man.”
“You don’t have a single bad bone in your body. Connor, you and Elaine have been through hell, just like the rest of us. There have been some pretty intense emotions flying around this resort for the past while. Everyone’s been upset. Everyone’s been confused.”
“But that’s the thing. I’m confused and I’m not confused. When I’m with her, I’m happy. And when she’s sad, all I can think about is how to make her feel better. Putting a smile on her face has become an obsession for me. I can’t go five minutes without trying because it makes me feel so good.”
“Jeez, Louise.” Ryland shook his head and sat quietly. “Connor, if she makes you happy, and if she feels the same way, you need to explore this.”
“What if she thinks I’m a dick?”
“First and foremost, you’re her good friend. If you’re honest with her, she’ll understand. Elaine’s not the kind of woman to give a man grief for caring. I just can’t guarantee she’ll be of the same mind. Lloyd was her mate. She’s still grieving. Even if she’s interested, you have to be ready for the fact she might make you wait a long time.”
“I’d wait. I would.”
“So where does that leave you with the Toronto Police Services? The last time we spoke, you were getting ready to ship out.”
“I don’t want to leave her. I can’t imagine leaving her and especially not now.”
“Well, I guess it’s a good thing you always have a job here with me.”
“Thanks, Ry. I’m sorry for this mess.”
“My friend, you’ve cleaned up more messes than you’ve made.”
“Do you think you’d mind holding off on hiring someone new, at least for now?”
“I wasn’t planning on it anyway. I was secretly hoping you’d change your mind.”
“I’m fucked, Ry. I don’t know what to do.”
“Talk to her. No one will fault you for falling in love.”
Love. Mother of God. He didn’t know what the hell that felt like. He wasn’t sure he’d ever been in love before. “What if she hates me?”
“Impossible. She loves you, Connor, at the very least as a friend. She might not want to kick it up a notch yet, but she loves you. Can I make a suggestion?”
