How would it feel to have Elaine’s lips on his?
No. Remember your vow to Lloyd. It’s wrong of you to think of Elaine in that way. It’s not just wrong. It’s pathetic.
He’d let his sense of loyalty take over. Lloyd would be disappointed in him.
Goddammit. If Lloyd were watching, he’d be egging him on to take Marcelle. This was nuts.
Angered, Connor didn’t push Marcelle away when she kissed him. He kissed her back, but as much as he told himself to enjoy the kiss, he couldn’t. He kept his lips shut, and his tongue didn’t even want to engage.
He tried but felt nothing.
His cock remained limp, his mountain lion hid, and his heart hurt more than ever.
He moved her gently aside. “I’m sorry. I can’t do this.”
“I see.” Rather than get upset, her lips twitched into a half-grin. “It’s all right, Connor. You can’t force it if it’s not there.”
“I don’t want to hurt you.”
“Who, me? I think I’ll survive. I know I was never the great love of your life. Thankfully, you’re not my grand passion either. I’m sad we can’t help each other out, but I’ll get over it. We had a good run.”
“We did, and I’m sure one day soon I’ll wake up and regret this moment.”
She landed a soft punch on his arm. “No, you won’t. It’s not the same anymore. We’ve moved on. You haven’t hurt me.”
“Are you sure?”
“I promise. I hope you find what you’re looking for.”
“I wish I knew what that was.”
“Connor. Dear, sweet man.” She quirked an eyebrow. “Don’t be stupid. Go home.”
Whose home? His? Elaine’s? He didn’t imagine Elaine would appreciate him sauntering in after what was supposed to be a night of debauchery. “I suppose I should go home. Big party tomorrow and all. I’ll see you there?”
“You bet.” She went to the door and opened it, holding it open. “Catch you later.”
“Yeah. Have a good night, Marcelle. And thanks.”
He threw on his bomber jacket and marched through yet another layer of fresh snow toward his cabin, swearing under his breath. Would the goddamn spring never come? He kicked a chunk of ice but felt no satisfaction in the pathetic show of violence.
Whatever the hell was wrong with him, he needed to fix it and forget it.
On the way home, he passed Elaine’s cabin. The lights were on, and he heard the voices of the women. Good. She deserved a nice night with her other friends. Herrealfriends, the ones who didn’t spend hours wondering what her panties looked like.
He stood still for a moment, his gaze trained on the front window. Although the blinds were drawn, soft light shone through the slats, beckoning him. With the evening chill at his ear and a light snow falling all around, Elaine’s cabin had never seemed so inviting.
He could simply walk in. He had a key. No one would question him. The kids, if they were still awake, would careen out of their rooms and jump into his arms as they always did. Elaine would beckon to him, a shy smile on her face. The rest of the women would drag him in and force a beer into his hands. They would welcome him. He could sit back and relax as if it was his own home and share the evening with them.
His mountain lion awoke and started to sniff the air. It let out an aggressiveyowland nipped Connor’s insides, prodding him toward the cabin.
“Go back to bed, you freak of nature.”
He moved toward her front step and climbed it. He retrieved her spare key card, Lloyd’s old key card, from his pocket. Almost immediately, he shoved it back in his pocket. Feeling like an interloper, he raised his hand to knock on her door instead.
He didn’t knock. Instead, Connor turned and stormed down the path.
There would be no Elaine tonight. He was stronger than this bizarre need to take care of her. He would go to bed and fall asleep.
