Chapter 17
“Ithink I’m going to explode.” Lia Snow sat back on her couch in her suite at the Ursa Lodge and rubbed her distended belly. “When is this kid coming? I can’t take it anymore. I can’t sleep. I can’t eat. I just want to hold my baby.”
Elaine sat next to her and patted her friend’s hand. “It’s so uncomfortable at the end, isn’t it? Andy was a bit early, but Layla was two weeks late. She had to be induced. By the time those two weeks were through, Lloyd was afraid to look at me.” She laughed. “There is nothing that terrifies a man more than seeing his wife through her pregnancy.”
“I know,” said Lia. “Poor Ry. He keeps asking what he can do to help. There’s nothing he can do, short of yanking his offspring out of my body. I may have told him so yesterday. You should have seen his face. I think he was relieved when you said you would visit this morning. He appreciated a chance to hang with Connor and your kids, you know, with the added benefit of escaping his moody wife.”
“Aw, poor man. They mean well, but they just don’t know what it’s like. Don’t worry. Ry won’t hold it against you. You are carrying his child.” Elaine grabbed Lia’s empty glass of water and brought it to the kitchen to refill it. When she returned to the couch, Lia was regarding her through sheepish eyes. “What’s on your mind?”
“Elaine, I’ve been feeling guilty about something.”
“What do you mean?”
“I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I haven’t exactly been overenthusiastic about you and Connor.”
Elaine shrugged it off. “It’s okay. I didn’t expect anyone would be. I barely know what to think about it myself.”
“I didn’t mean anything by it.”
“I know, and you’re entitled to your thoughts.”
“You know I support you, and I hope Connor knows it too. Maybe I’m just emotional because of the baby, but for some reason, I’ve had trouble adjusting to the idea.” Lia’s eyes flooded with tears.
Elaine hugged her. “Oh, don’t cry. You shouldn’t feel bad. I know how much Lloyd meant to you.”
Lia wiped her eyes. “It’s just…he died protecting me and Charlotte. I suppose a part of me feels very protective about his memory too.”
“Of course.”
“But I don’t want you to think I’m not happy for you because I am. You and Connor are so good together. I guess I just needed a bit of time to get used to the idea.”
“Me, too. Trust me. I still have lots of questions, but with everything going on, I haven’t had a chance to talk about them with Connor.”
“Are you having second thoughts?”
“It’s not that. I guess I’m worried about jumping from one man’s life right into another’s. Sometimes I think I should take a bit of time to myself before making a commitment. A few months ago, I thought Lloyd’s death would kill me. Now I’m starting to see that doesn’t have to be my fate. I’ve learned I might be able to survive his loss, but I want to be able to say I survived it because of my own strength, not Connor’s. Does that make sense?”
“Yeah.” Lia smiled. “You don’t want to jump into Connor’s bed prematurely.”
She laughed. “In fairness, I think he jumped into mine.”
They were both quiet for a time.
“He loves you,” said Lia. “You do know that, right?”
Elaine nodded.
“Do you love him?”
“I love so much about him. Do I love him romantically, the way I loved Lloyd? I don’t know. Maybe, or at least I think I’m getting there. Am I ready to put it into words?” Elaine glanced at her lap. “No.”
“You need time.”
“I do, but I don’t want him to hate me because I can’t give him what he needs right now. I’ve spent so much time pushing him away. I’m scared if I tell him my feelings, I’ll lose him.”
“You will never lose Connor. He’ll understand better than anyone could.” Lia grabbed her hand. “Elaine, when you were in Alaska, he didn’t even date.”
“He didn’t?”
