But I wasn’t just a hired hitta, and the Sullivan family wasn’t just associated with illegal activity. We all owned legitimate businesses as well, mine being Sullivan and Co., a cleaning service that specialized in residential housekeeping, cleaning of office buildings, and laundry services for different wedding venues within the five boroughs. I also had a VIP cleaning service that was… off the books. Whether legal or illegal, I was a busy man. And even though I still made time to be a present father, EJ needed more.
My mother disappeared into the guest bedroom, while I made my way down the hall, stopping at EJ’s room across from mine. Pushing the door open quietly, I smiled. My lil’ man wasknocked out with his feet hanging off the side of his car themed bed. By the way he slept, I could tell he’d run himself ragged. He looked nothing like the Tasmanian Devil that my mother described. He looked innocent. Peaceful.
His durag was neatly tied over a fresh set of twists, just as I’d left it earlier in the day. Walking into the room, I carefully pushed him up so that his body was on the bed fully and covered him with his comforter. Satisfied that he was snuggled enough, I stared down at him. God hadn’t just given me a son but the greatest responsibility of my life. I’d been raising EJ alone since the day he was born – since the day his mother decided that if I didn’t feel that she was good enough to be my wife, she wasn’t going to reduce herself to just being my child’s mother. She gave me the ultimatum only a few hours after our son was born in an effort to force me to propose.
Kennedy didn’t know it, but her actions proved why she wasn’t cut out to be the wife of a man of my caliber, let alone the mother of my son. She didn’t deserve us, so I freed her of her duties before they even began. I thanked her for birthing a legacy she’d never get to see grow and promised that if she ever came back around, trying to disrupt my son’s quality of life, I’d be sure to end hers. It was just that simple to me then.
Now, as I watched him sleep, I felt a mixture of love and anger. I loved my son more than I loved myself, but my anger came from a small part of me believing I’d done him a disservice by depriving him of a mother. Sometimes I wondered what the last two years would’ve looked like had I made her stay. If I’d sacrificed my happiness for a life of contentment and a forced marriage, would things be different now? Then, I could hear my mother’s words the day we brought EJ home.
“Just because Kennedy selfish ass gave birth, it doesn’t make her a mother. She made her decision. And you may be sparingyour son a lifetime of heartache by letting her go. A son’s first heartbreak is usually by his mother.”
I bent down and kissed the crown of his head.
“Daddy got you,” I whispered. “Always.”
Straightening, I looked around his room once more before heading to mine. The shower was my next stop. I stepped into the hot water and let it wash away the sins that I could never speak on out loud. Closing my eyes, I lifted my head, and the water poured down my face. Pressing my hands to my face, I recited my nightly prayer for God to forgive me for any area in my life that wasn’t pleasing to him. While I knew God knew my heart, I also knew there was that side of me that he wanted to deliver me from. He was just waiting on me to be ready.
After twenty minutes, I got out of the shower, dried off, and pulled on a pair of pajama pants. Setting the temperature in my room to 74 degrees, I turned the ringer off on both of my phones and slid into bed. The woman from the Care.com ad crossed my mind. I hoped that she responded soon and even more that she’d be a good fit for me and EJ. Exhaling, I closed my eyes, sleep coming almost immediately. Something told me that tomorrow would bring good news that would shift things for us.
I wokeup to the sounds of my TV and EJ sitting on the foot of my bed with his robe on, his legs crossed, and his eyes glued toCars. It was his favorite movie and his ritual to watch it at least once a day. His durag was still on his head but slightly crooked, indicating he’d had a good night’s rest. Rubbing sleep from my eyes, I tapped his back with my foot.
“Good morning, lil’ man.”
He didn’t respond back but turned around and looked down at my foot like he was trying to figure out why I had it on him.
“My bad, dawg.” I chuckled, sitting up. “Good morning, man.”
“Daddy, Lighten Mc-Keen. Look.” Mispronouncing the words proudly, he pointed to the TV.
“It’s McQueen, EJ,” I corrected, stretching. “Say, McQueen.”
“McKeen,” he repeated incorrectly.
“Shiiiddd, if you wanna go around sounding crazy, that’s on you. They may let you slide cause you two though. You might be straight.”
Nodding like he understood and was completely fine with my logic, he turned back to the TV and turned the volume up by exactly one bar. I chuckled inwardly. Last week, I’d told him that the TV couldn’t be too loud in the morning and showed him how many bars the volume could be on to make sure it wasn’t. And EJ followed directions as he normally did – like he normally did with me anyway.
Propping up on the headboard, I watched him watch TV, getting excited by the same scenes he’d seen countless times. The door to my bedroom opened, and my mother walked in fully dressed in a turtleneck, jeans, and shoe boots.
“You look nice, Ma,” I complimented.
“Thank you, baby.” She pointed to EJ. “His oatmeal is on the counter cooling off, and his chocolate milk is in the fridge.” Walking into the room, she leaned over and kissed his forehead. “Grandma love you, bad ass.” She then kissed my cheek. “I made enough for him to have two bowls and you to have one. I gotta get going.”
“Rushing to leave your two favorite guys is crazy. We gon’ be aight though. Ain’t that right, EJ?”
EJ looked at his grandma, then to me, then back to the TV.
“Exactly.” She giggled. “He don’t give a damn. I gotta get out of here. We’re carpooling, and I don’t wanna be late.”
“Aight.” I laughed and reached for my personal phone on the nightstand. “Have a good time. I love you and check your CashApp when you get a chance.”
“What you done sent me, Enzo?” Pulling her phone out of her purse, she shook her head. “I told you I didn’t have to pay for nothing today.”
“I know that. Just consider it a thank you for you coming through last minute yesterday and watching EJ. I appreciate it.”
She gave me a soft smile. “Y’all my babies. That’s my job. No thanks needed for loving what’s mine. But I appreciate you too, son. I’ll put this money to good use at the ‘sino.” Waving, she left the room.
My mother always had good luck at the casino, so there was no doubt in my mind that she’d double the $500 I’d sent her.
