I jolted and scribbled my last shaky answer. “Almost. Uh, where do I go after this?”
She gave me a look that said I’d just asked if fish could swim. “It’s Hell. You go back to your job and wait.”
“Wait for what?”
“To hear if you made it through to auditions, obviously.”
TheCaptain Obviouswas implied.
I sat there fuming. I wasn’t stupid. I was a goddamn lawyer, for crying out loud. I’d survived courtrooms full of sharks and mafia crime lords in thousand-dollar suits. But here? I was a slug trying to rub off my clipboard bruise.
“Don’t mind her,” a deep voice said at my side.
I looked up and saw a tall black guy about my age, smiling, who set me at ease. He held out a hand. “Kevin.”
I shook it. “Max.”
“First day?” he asked.
“How could you tell?”
Kevin chuckled, teeth flashing. “Your look of abject horror is a dead giveaway. Come on—I’ll show you where intake is. You can skip to the front of the line for your housing. They won’t worry about an occupation until they decide if you’re show material or not.”
I followed him through the door, grateful for the lifeline. “You’ve auditioned before?”
“This is my second time,” he said with a sigh. “You only get three tries. Last time I made it to the finals but lost to some Crusader.”
I blinked. “Like… chainmail and swords, Crusader?”
“Yeah. Accent got him the win. Judges are suckers for medieval French.”
I laughed out loud. “Hell really is rigged.”
“Welcome to eternity, man.” He clapped me on the shoulder.
We wound through a maze of stone corridors that looked equal parts DMV and college dorm.
I shook my head. “I hadn’t thought about people down here who died that long ago.”
“Oh, it’s a trip,” Kevin said. “The timeline’s all mashed up. You’ll find Vikings arguing with mobsters, Quakers and Shakespeare playing craps on their free days, disco dancers learning from TikTokers how to twerk.”
“That’s… horrifying.”
“That’s Hell.”
He pointed me down another hallway. “See, the way it works is, there are levels you climb depending on your deeds, service, or luck. At level fifty, you get a chance at rebirth.”
“Reincarnation?”
“Not for everybody,” he warned. “If you were pure evil, you would get tossed into the outer darkness plains with demons who think flaying is foreplay. But for guys like us? There are options.”
“Options?”
He nodded. “Rebirth, or—if you’re really lucky—you join the HHB and possibly even imprint with a demoness.”
My stomach dropped. “And that’s good?”
Kevin’s smile softened. “The best. Fated mate, eternal bond, live in happiness, have demoness babies—the whole thing. I’ve only seen it once, but they say it’s like fireworks and earthquakes rolled into one. Erotic as leather and lace, too.”
