“Rowan sent you a letter every week since your heat.” He looked out the windshield, avoiding my gaze. “I lost track after seventy.” He looked away. “That’s a lie.” He wiped his face on his shoulder. “I stopped counting because every day I saw the pile grow bigger, the guiltier I felt.”
I sighed as I looked down. I grabbed another letter and noticed there was a tiny number on the top of this one. Fifty-six. I dropped it and grabbed another. Thirty-five. “The numbers?”
His eyes darted to the letter in my hands. “A system Jora came up with after the second letter.” He squeezed the wheel. “He thought that if we ever got to give you them, this way you could keep track of their order. So anytime he gave us a letter for you, we numbered it and dropped it into a pile. Once the pile got too big for the drawer, we dumped them into a box.” He lookeddown at the box between my legs. “We upgraded to an even bigger box a few months ago. We thought he was going to keep sending them…” He trailed off as he looked at the open letter on top.
“But then he stopped.” My throat hurt. I sat back and felt the truth cascade down on top of me. My heart felt like my ribs were crushing it. Everything grew blurry, and my breathing became labored.
“Yeah.” His voice was so far away I barely heard him.
My mind flashed back to the night Carl died. Rowan kneeling in the dirt and blood. Hurt and bleeding from the fighting, but still he stared at me. I felt the cold take over my body as I remembered his eyes begging me. ‘Let me explain.’ But I didn't let him. I looked down at the letter and the truth hit me.
I was mad because he was supposed to wait for me. My eyes snagged on the bottom line.Remember, I love you and only you.My heart squeezed. He had waited. The sob broke free faster than I thought. Sterling’s head snapped towards me, but then he turned away, leaving me alone with my pain.
“This can’t be happening.” My voice was ragged as another sob broke free. I smacked my hand over my mouth to stop another from breaking free. I needed to wait. I couldn’t break down yet.
Oh goddess, what have I done?
“I’m sorry.” Sterling’s voice was soft as he slid one of his hands off the wheel and wrapped his fingers through mine. “I’m sorry I had to keep this from you.”
I sniffled as I chuckled. “This wasn’t your fault. You had no choice.” I felt him squeeze my fingers. “My father made sure of that.”
He sighed. “I know. But I’m still sorry. And believe me, I’ll be going to tell Rowan as soon as I drop you off.”
“Please don’t.” I pulled his hand.
He pulled into my driveway, and I hadn’t even realized we were on pack lands. “What do you mean, don’t?” He turned in his seat. “Amy, he doesn’t know the truth. He thinks you have been ignoring him for over a year. It’s killing him.”
I nodded. “I know. I know.” I looked down at my box of letters. “And I felt the same way.” I looked at him, almost imploring him to understand.
“You are still mad.” He sighed. “But he didn’t-”
I nodded. “I know.” I sighed. “But I don’t know if I can get past it.”
“But he didn’t do anything.” Sterling tried to argue.
“Exactly.” I leveled him with a look. “And I know that doesn’t make any sense, and it honestly doesn’t have to.”
He groaned. “You sound like my mate.”
I snorted. “She sounds smart.” But I wiped my eyes. “I know it’s stupid. But I need to read everything first.”
“But why?”
I sighed. “Because…I don’t know if what’s in these letters is going to change anything.”
He exploded. “What the hell do you mean? How could they not?” He was so sure that the letters would change my opinion.
“It’s been two years.” I felt my stomach tighten. “Two years since he broke my heart and then cut me off.”
“But he didn’t.” He pointed to the letters. But I watched as his words registered. “But you didn’t know that…”
“Exactly.” I nodded once. We sat in silence for a moment before there was a knock on the window. We turned to find Brandon standing outside. I wanted to groan, but I forced a smile to my face. I turned back to Sterling with a warning glare. “Thank you for the ride back.”
His eyes flicked between Brandon and me. “You are welcome. I was happy to help.” His eyes tightened a little when Brandon stared at him. “Next time, you shouldn’t wait for me to call youto come get your mail.” He nodded to the box and I could have kissed him. He gave me an explanation.
I mouthed thank you, and he smirked a little. “I shouldn’t have any more mail coming to the building, so we should be good.” I smiled, and it was genuine until Brandon knocked on the window again. Nix growled, and it slipped from my lips. Sterling smiled and his eyes danced with amusement as I slammed the door open, making Brandon stumble back or be hit. “Have a nice drive back.” I stepped out and then bent for the box.
Brandon was at my side in seconds, trying to take it from me, but again I growled. He held up his hands and then looked back to the car. “Hey baby.”
