“I mean it literally. Four killed themselves when he found his mate. One plucked out her eyes. The rest had to be shipped out of the country so they would stop chasing him.”
“Holy.”
He nodded. “One of the women actually snuck back to America. And when the man and his mate were rushing to the pack doctor to deliver their first pup, they were hit by her car. She made sure the mate was dead and then dragged the man from the crash. She took him, and when he refused to mate her, she killed him and then herself.”
I leaned my head in my hand. “Seriously?” He nodded.
“It shaped how I see mating, and scent sharing. My mother made sure I understood how much it could ruin someone.” He took a deep breath. “That’s why I always held myself back from you. I have scented you, and I knew you weren’t my mate.” He met my eyes. “I prayed to the Goddess that I was wrong.” He shook his head. “It was silly, but true.” He groaned as he sat back. “I’ll never be able to let myself be free around you. Never share everything with you. And you deserve that. Even from a chosen mate.”
His words hit me. “Rowan.”
He waved me off. “You do.” He stood up from the table. “I have spent these last few years, getting close to you as Thoth, and I know that was a cruel thing to do. But I had no other way to talk to you. Your father made sure of that. But when he came to me with a compromise, I jumped at it.”
“Rowan.”
“I’m sorry, okay?” He started to pace. “I’m sorry I listened to your father and stayed away. I’m sorry I made you feel abandoned. I’m sorry that I pretended to be Thoth to be able to talk to you.”
I stood and grabbed my bottle of wine and chugged it. Nix stood up on her feet.Are you doing what I think you are doing?
I ignored her questions and finished my bottle. “Rowan.”
“Amy please, I know I have treated you like a piece of shit. And to be fair, I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but I am asking for it.” He had walked halfway across my room, and I followed him. “Even if you can’t forgive me fully. Can you please just give me an inch? Can we be friends?” He whirled to find me behind him and he jumped. “Fucking hell.” He settled. “I need you in my life, Amy. In any form you will give me.”
“Rowan.” I grabbed his face.
“What?” He looked confused.
“You have never scented me.” I dropped my hands as his face fell.
“Yeah, I have.” He shook his head.
“Rowan. No, you haven’t.” I shook my head as I stepped back. “You always scented me and said I smelled wrong, because you were right. I had to hide my scent from Brandon. But you can’t be selective about how your scent is shared.” He nodded.
“I know.” He shook his head. He wasn’t understanding what I was saying.
I snorted. “Do you?” I raised an eyebrow. “Because I don’t think you do. A wolf without a scent is an abomination, so I couldn’t just stop my scent all together.”
“Smart actually. I figured you stopped it around Brandon.” He still looked confused.
“You know that isn’t true. You have been around me when Brandon was.” I poked his chest. “I need you to use that big brainof yours and think. If I needed to hide my scent, but couldn’t not have a scent, what option did I have left?”
He stared at me for a second. “I don’t know.”
I smiled and poked his forehead this time. “I had to change my scent so that he couldn’t recognize me as his mate.”
He shook his head, “I know…”
I threw my head back and laughed. “That means that I had to use the same scent for everyone…” I dragged out my words and he nodded.
“Okay…” He trailed off and finally a spark of understanding was in his eyes. “But we were alone, a lot.”
I nodded. “I know, but I never changed my scent so that my real one didn’t cling to anything.”
He staggered back a step. “You have never scented me…and I have never scented you.”
“Bingo.”
“So you could be my mate?” His voice held raw need when he asked me.
