She tilted her head at me. “Is that all you are mad at?”
“YES.” I screamed. “I trusted them and they played me. Everyone played me.”
She crept closer. “So you attacked the tree?” She asked, and I swore she raised her eyebrow at me.
“So?” I whirled to face her. “Why can’t I attack a tree?”
“I never said you couldn’t, but the tree you are attacking is a figment of our imagination. The pain, the blood, you are trying to chase. The distraction you are so desperate for…you won’t find it here.” She closed the rest of the space. “You can’t hurt yourself. So attacking the tree in here won’t do anything other than maybe give you a headache.” I felt my knees wobble. “You won’t get the physical pain to distract you from the pain you are running from.” She pressed herself against my side.
My voice dropped to a low whisper. “It’s not fair.”
“What’s not fair?” She licked my hand, tickling me, but I was too numb to feel it.
“He forced my mom to leave. He forced me to live without him for most of my life. He asked me to go into computer science. He told me to get close to Brandon.” A tear escaped. “I talkedyou into getting close to him. I had to kiss him, hold his hand, I had to treat him like he mattered, even knowing he was your mate.” I finally looked down at Megan. “And I did it, because he was my father. I tortured you because he asked me to do it and made it seem like it was important. But when everything happened between Rowan and I… he pretended to care that Rowan broke my heart. He shattered me and they helped me pick up my pieces. Mom held me through my pain, but within a month, dad had introduced me to Thoth.” My knees finally gave out. “He said that Thoth could help me.” I laughed then, but it was hollow. “But it was just Rowan.”
Megan pressed her face into the crook of my neck. “And that’s bad?” She pulled back to look at me, like she was genuinely confused about my answer.
“I told him so much.” I reached out to her face. “Thoth became my friend, my confidant. I told him everything…” Another tear fell. “I told him about my heat. I told all about Rowan…my pain, my love, my hate. Everything.”
She nodded. “And it turned out to be him.”
A sob broke from my chest. “I feel betrayed.”
“As you should.” Nix called back. “But I don’t think that’s why you are this mad.”
I sighed. “Why then?”
Nix was silent for a moment. “I think the reason you are so mad that Thoth turned out to be Rowan isn’t because they lied, but because you fell in love with him. And I know the letters shifted how you look at Rowan…but in truth, you had fallen for Thoth or the man that Thoth stood for. He was your escape. A listening but not judgemental ear. Your friend who took the time to get to know you. Someone not forced on you by circumstance or bond. Someone who didn’t know who you were. Someone that didn’t care how much power we had, or what rank we were. Someone who you thought cared about you. Not me, not Megan,just you.” Another sob bubbled up, but her next words broke me. “Megan got to have her love, even if he was a bastard in the end. And eventually I will find my mate. But Thoth was the one man that could have loved you for you…and finding out he was Rowan, stole that from you.”
We ran for hours. I stayed well away from the pack house and the dead caves. Nix and Megan kept me company as I worked through everything that was bouncing away in my head. Megan laid her head on my lap as I sat against the tree that I attacked earlier. “Do you think they are still looking for us?” Her question was soft.
“Probably not.” Nix called back. “I haven’t heard anyone in a long time, and they probably figured we needed space.”
I shook my head. “They have to keep a low profile. No one can find out they are still alive.” I ran my fingers through her fur.
She cocked her head to stare up at my face with one eye. “How does no one know the pack is alive?” She twisted, getting to her feet. “I’ve been thinking about this for a while and I have no idea how no one has figured out that the pack survived.”
Nix slid to a stop. “I’ve never thought about it until right now. But Megan is right. You would think someone would have checked, right?”
I snorted. “Hubris.”
“What?” Both my wolves sounded confused.
“I can’t be certain, but knowing the players…Aurora, Verity, Vince. Without ever meeting Garith, I can honestly say they all are the same. They are cocky. Full of themselves. And searchingfor a dead person is a waste of their time.” I looked at Megan. “Someone saw my dad die, and they took it and ran with it.” I raised a shoulder. “There is a ninety percent chance my dad is using magic to cover up his tracks, but it all boils down to the fact that they are too full of themselves to double check someone they think is dead is really dead.”
Megan snorted. “Stupid.”
I nodded. “But it works in our favor.” I sighed as I pushed up from the ground.
Megan followed me. “Are you ready?”
I nodded. “Spending a few hours pitying myself is enough.” I sighed. “It’s time to face the music.”
Nix chuckled. “I doubt it’s music waiting for you back home.”
I pushed forward. “You are probably right.” I started running back to the pack house. “But if we are lucky, Rowan will be back at his castle, and I just have to deal with my father and Ronnie.”
Both my wolves growled. “I can understand not telling us the truth for a bit. But to keep all this hidden away, and then to push us towards Rowan to at the very least forgive him, is where I draw the line.” Nix stalked toward the clearing.
