I laughed and then nodded. “I’ll do my best.” Then the nurse grabbed me by my shoulder and hip and rolled me. The pain was blinding, and I screamed as she forced me into the position the doctor needed. Breathing became hard, and my vision flickered. “Sorry. I'm so sorry.” She whispered to me.
Luke took another breath, and then he put a hand on my side. “Take a deep breath and exhale.” He waited for me to do it. “Good, focus on your breathing. I want to say that this will help, but I won’t lie to you.” I nodded once and closed my eyes to focus on my breathing.
That worked for maybe a minute before he sliced into me. The pain turned from a burning hot pain to being the center of the universe. My vision was gone, my breathing was ragged intakes that my body forced me to take. The burning hot pain was like a million insect bites. The burning of silver. I white hot poker being pressed into my side.
He leaned in. “It’s okay to scream. Just don’t move.”
I shook my head. “If I start I won’t stop.”
I could feel his eyes on me, but I couldn’t actually tell. But then he just blew out another soft breath. “That’s fine. Scream. I don’t mind, and neither does Jenn here.”
“No Miss Amy, I don’t care.” She was a sweet girl, even if she was older than me.
“See. Just scream.”
“Why?” I stuttered out through clench teeth.
“Because you are holding your breath, some long enough to turn purple. And this way, I know you’re breathing. And honestly, your jaw is clenched so hard that I’m worried you might break it. Let it out. We won’t judge you.” I shook my head again. He sighed. “I haven’t even freed one bone. You are tensing up and it’s about to get a lot worse.”
I cracked open my eye, and it burned, but I could see. I looked at him and he was very serious. “If I start…” I tried again.
“Then you scream, and we listen.”
I shook my head. “I’ll cry.” I shuddered. “If I scream, I’ll cry.”
He shook his head. He nodded to the nurse, who covered my face with a sterile cloth. “No one will even know.”
His next slice was deeper, and the pain was back. This time, I didn’t hold back. I drew in a breath and screamed. I screamed the pain out; I screamed my anger out. I swore to the goddess, to my father, to my mother. I swore to my ancestors. I swore so much the nurse giggled.
The tears fell. I don’t know why these tears mattered…but they did and there was no way I could hold them in. It wasn’t the pain that was causing them.I don't know if it was a release that I needed, or a purging of all the bullshit I've endured the last few years. But somehow, all of my rage was bleeding out with these tears. The pure anger I had cooped up for my dad, for Rowan.
For myself.
Everything poured out of me, and by the time Luke pulled away, I was cracked open, bleeding but focused. I knew everything I had to do.
“We’re done.”
I furrowed my brows. “My ribs?”
Luke laughed. “Already in place. Stitches too. We just have to wrap your chest and you should be ready to head home.” He turned to the nurse. “I’m going to wash up and grab a wrap. Can you wipe her down?” He turned to me. “I’ll be back with an extra shirt for you.”
“Thank you.” He helped me up, and the nurse used the buttons on the bed to sit me up.
“You are welcome.” He looked pointedly at my bag. “You received quite a few phone calls and notifications while you were out cold or screaming. You have a few minutes to answer while Jenn cleans up our mess and gets the stuff to clean you up.”
I nodded my thanks. Jenn leaned in. “You did amazing.” I smiled and just leaned against the bed, trying to catch my breath. I waited for a second before I pulled my phone out of my bag. There were a few calls, but Rowan’s name surprised me. I don’t know why.
It’s been a long time since he’s called. Nix stalked out of the trees. I could tell she was pissed at me, but at least she wasn’t screaming at me anymore.
Megan walked out behind her.It’s also because this is the first interaction since you read the letters.
I can’t even think about the letters right now.I rubbed my eyes. I did not want to make this call, but I needed him to send his permission anyway. I stared at the screen for another minute before I sighed. A ding from my laptop gave me another reason to stall. I pulled it out and opened it.
Thoth:I’ve been thinking a lot and I really think we need to meet in person.
My stomach clenched at the thought. I would really want that…but I don’t have time.
Thoth:Hello?
