The words hit me like little slaps. “Of course I can. After we get dressed, we can have breakfast before we go down to see him, okay?” I looked down at the small girl in my arms. Her tiny princess pajamas were a stark contrast to her sad little face.
“Okay.” She pulled away and grabbed my hand and pulled me to her room. We just reached her door when Toya stepped out of her room.
“Good morning.” Toya patted Carly’s head. “How about pancakes for breakfast?”
Carly thought for a minute, and then she nodded. “Can we have chocolate chips in them?”
Toya smiled softly. “Of course we can.” She looked at me. “I’ll get breakfast ready. Come down when you’re ready.” I gave her a thankful smile, and we went to pick out her clothes.
We walked into her closet and I could tell she had been in here before coming to get me. Little clothes were thrown around in piles. “Okay.” I got to my knees and started picking through the clothes, refolding them or hanging them back on to their hangers. “Let’s see what you chose so far.”
Carly grabbed the smallest pile of clothes. “These are the nicest dresses I have.” She handed me the dresses, pretty pink and white little fluffy things. “But these aren’t right.”
I nodded. “These are beautiful, but you are right. Not for today.” I got to my feet and started to hang everything up as she pulled drawers out.
“Maybe I have nice pants.” She searched through another drawer, and I smiled.
I spotted the box as I hung up the last dress, and I brought it down. Carly was still digging in her drawer and I let her be for a minute. I opened the box to find a frilly black dress with tiny ribbons for her hair and black shoes. A letter was left on top of the dress, and I swallowed the heavy lump in my throat.
“I have nothing good enough.” She looked up at me with tears trailing down her face and her lip quivering.
“It’s okay.” I sat down with the box. “Daddy took care of it for you. Now come on over and shut your eyes.” She came over to me and she scrunched her face up, closing her eyes, making me laugh. I pulled off her top and pulled the dress over her head before tugging down her pants off from under it. I grabbed the small black dress socks and slid them on to her feet, then her shoes. “Wait here and don’t open your eyes yet, okay?”
I waited for her to answer. “Okay.” I grabbed her hairbrush and two elastics from her bathroom and rushed back to fix her hair. I pulled her hair into two pigtails and wrapped the black ribbons around them. There, she was done.
“You are perfect.” I patted her head and stood her in front of her mirror. “Open your eyes.” Carly looked at herself and her little lip poked out. She twirled, and I could tell she felt pretty, but she couldn’t be happy right this minute. I pulled the letter and opened it. “My darling baby girl.” I started, and her little eyes snapped to mine. “If Amy is reading this to you, then I’m gone.” A tear fell as she came over to me. “I need you to know, baby girl, that I am right here with you today, and every day for the rest of your life.” I looked at her and opened my arms. She dove against me. “You look beautiful in your dress, baby.It’s okay to think you’re pretty even when you’re coming to say goodbye. Love you always, Daddy.”
Tiny sobs racked her body. She cried herself out before she looked up into my face. “Did daddy really say that?” I nodded and showed her the letter.
“You’ve seen your dad’s hand writing right?” I asked softly, but she shook her head. “Well, this was written by him.” I watched her tiny finger trace the words.
“I can’t read it.” I leaned my head against hers.
“I’ll teach you.”
She took the letter gently. “Is this mine?”
I kissed her head. “Your daddy wrote you a ton of letters, and you get to keep them all.” I was going to push up from the ground, but Carly stopped me.
She handed it back to me. “I don’t want to lose it.” I took the letter and folded it back up. “Can you keep it for me?” She sniffled and then stood. She made her way over to the mirror and twirled in a circle. “My daddy is right.”
“Oh?”
“You made me beautiful.” She gave me a tiny smile as I got up off the floor.
“No, Carly girl. You are already beautiful. I just did your hair.” I tucked the letter into my sweatpants. “Do you want to head downstairs? I’m going to go get dressed so I can be ready.”
“Okay, Amy.” She walked back to me. Then she gave me a hug. “Hurry, so the pancakes don’t get cold.” I patted her hair and she turned and ran out of her room.
I smiled before I made my way back to my room, and grabbed clothes for the day. I threw my hair up in a ponytail and stepped into my slippers. Then I headed to the door, but something in the mirror caught my attention. Something I overlooked last night. I turned back to the closet and made my way to the random door in the back wall. “Now, why would you be here?”
I opened the door to find…nothing. It was a short hallway to nowhere. I went in, spun in a circle and then came out. “What the hell are you doing?” I spun to see Wendy standing in my doorway, watching me with a confused face.
“I don’t know where this is supposed to go?” I stood back and pointed to the door to nowhere.
Wendy came over and opened the door herself. She went in, and closed the door, then came back out with a letter. She handed it to me. “I think this is for you.” I grabbed it.
“Thanks.” I went to open it, but Hanna came in. “Hey.”
