“Just listen to me.” She huffed out and I slammed my shovel into the ground.
“Fine. Say what you came out to say and be done with it.” I glared up at her and she shook her head.
“You’re angry at him because he kept his wolf hidden from you.” She said it as a statement, not a question, so I didn’t say anything. She raised her brow and then continued. “But you and Nix did the same to him. If you were both honest with each other, none of this would have happened. I get that you’re mad that he didn’t tell you, but-”
“No.” I yelled, surprising her. “I’m not mad that he turned out to be Erubus. Goddess, if it was just that, I would have been happy. Ecstatic even. Nix had set her eyes on him, and I…” I trailed off as I felt my tears burn behind my eyes. “I wanted Rowan. I wanted him so fucking desperately, I begged him. Begged him to help me.” I felt a traitorous tear fall, and I slapped it away, smearing dirt onto my face. “But he left me. They left me. The male that we both chose, turned his back on me, and even then I would have still been excited.” I leaned against the wall of the hole.
“But?”
“But now, the man I loved—because yes, I was in love with him, as stupid as it sounds—and the wolf that Nix was set on had just told the entire kingdom that he is engaged.” I looked up at her and I felt more tears fall. “He said I was his. I was his, but his wolf was set on another. And I was sad, but understood because Nix felt the same way. But the man I want and the wolf she wants are the same fucking person and instead of getting to have my happily ever after, I get to find out that he is engaged?”
Toya looked down at me. “It’s been years.”
“Yes.” I wiped the tears again. “It has, and I know in my head I can’t be mad. Okay. I know this is stupid.” I grabbed the shovel. “But he was supposed to wait.” There I said it. “He was supposed to follow the plan and wait. He was supposed to pretend to date these fucking women and then we were supposed to take down the corrupt and then figure everything else out.”
“Amy.” I watched as she looked down at me and I felt my anger bubble again.
“Look, I already told you I know it’s stupid. My head is saying one thing, but my heart is saying another.” I started to dig again. “That’s why I walked away from him. I couldn’t face him. Not that second. At that moment, I felt like he had lied to me all over again. That he walked away from me when I needed him, again.” She made a noise. “You are supposed to be on my side. You’re supposed to be my friend.”
She stood. “And I am. But I wouldn’t be your friend if I didn’t question you.” She turned. “You both have your own things going on. And you both have your own plans.” She looked over her shoulder back at me. “Maybe, just maybe, think on that before you write him off completely.” Then she walked away from me, and my hole.
I snarled as I started digging again. Fuck her. Fuck her and him and everyone else.
She has a point.Megan whispered to me, earning a snarl from both Nix and I.You can be mad at me if you want, but think about our plans.
Shut it.Nix snarled.
But Megan shook her fur out and moved closer to Nix.No. You always taught me to stand up for my opinion. To make sure you two listen. So that’s what I’m doing.
I closed my eyes and leaned against the end of the shovel. “Go ahead.” I was over this night, and I still had to dig a few more feet before I could bring Carl over.
You are planning to use Brandon to get closer to Vince. You have been laying the groundwork for months. Letting him closer. Talking to him more.She sat on her haunches and glared at Nix and I.
What’s your point? We need to get close to him so we can do what we have to.Nix snarled.
That is my point. We are doing what we have to do. We will use my ex mate to get what we need to figure out who is behind the attacks on the packs. So that our father, Toya’s father, can come out of hiding. So that our mother can be with her mate.
“And?” I tilted my head back and stared up at the moon, glared really. She was above me, staring down at me and, in that moment, laughing at me.
And maybe that is exactly what Rowan is doing.
I sighed. “But what if he’s not?” The question hung there.
Megan looked between us again, only this time, her gaze was softer.Then he’s not, and he has moved on. Found his fated mate and we will do the same.Her words were soft, but firm.I gave up my mate for this and for what happened in another life because you two were right. He didn’t deserve us. But the same can be said about Rowan. If he doesn’t deserve us, then we move on. We are still young. We have a whole long life ahead of us.
“I still love him.” Another truth I didn’t want to admit.
I know, and that’s okay. Just like you told Carly early, the pain won’t be easy, and it won’t fade for a while. But it will get easier. Megan, in all her wisdom, turned around and stalked off into the forest, leaving Nix and I alone with ourselves.
I kept my gaze on the moon. “She’s right, you know.”
Nix sighed as she laid herself against the barrier.I know…I just don’t like it.
I laughed then, because what else could I do? “Yeah, I don’t like it either.”
We will have to speak to him eventually.She whispered.
“Yeah, but it doesn't have to be today, or any time soon.” I started to dig again. “But for now, I think we have to focus on our own shit first.”
