“Unrealistic and impractical. Quixotic.” Harley supplies before Darcy can answer.
“I told y’all that my woman would wipe y’all with this game,” Tatum speaks as he walks by dropping a fresh glass of wine to his girlfriend.
“I mean she is the author of the group.” I shrug.
“Words are hard for everyone, Collins. I don’t think you understand how many words I have to google synonyms or definitions for when I’m writing.” Darcy responds casually.
“Chili is just about ready.” Dale’s gruff voice carries from the kitchen area where he and Victoria have been working since earlier this afternoon.
“Smells great!” Kodi acknowledges from where she, Stu and Bella play Go Fish on the living area floor.
“It does, Mr. Dale,” Bella adds excitedly.
Today has been a relaxed day, we all gathered late in the day for Dale’s famous chili and all the fixin’s prepped by Victoria. We’ve had Christmas music playing in the background while playing different board and card games, each of us taking turns playing something with Bella. Harley and I played about fifteen rounds of Hungry Hungry Hippo with her earlier today. Bella giggled the whole time, Harley smiling fondly at her each time she declared she won a round–even though there were a few rounds she didn’t win.
“Alright, let’s eat,” Dale says about ten minutes later. We all plate up some food after cleaning up the pieces of our game.
“Everyone ready for Christmas?” Stu asks the table and receives a chorus of nods and mmms as we devour dinner.
“I cannot wait to spend the morning in our matching pajamas and eating breakfast casserole,” Grace says. We learned that the recipe she uses is one that Rose, her and Mavericks mother used to make for them every Christmas morning. Stu’s smile is soft yet you can see the sadness behind his eyes that his wife isn’t here to experience this with him.
“I love how we are merging old and new traditions together,” Maverick adds happily, pulling Kodi closer into his side.
If I wouldn’t have found this family with my team and Kodi’s friends then I don’t know what my Christmases in Florida would look like. My parents don’t really celebrate and I think they only did it after Jordan passed for me. I find myself squeezing Harley’s hand gently under the table, a reassurance to myself that it may be time for me to share the hurt I’ve kept inside for years. As if she can read my mind, she squeezes mine back twice.
“I...” I start to speak, clearing my throat before feeling another squeeze around my fingers. “I have something that I’d like to share.”
The weight of everyone’s eyes turning to me–watching and waiting causes the pressure building in my chest to feel like it might explode.
“Go on.” Harley encourages softly, just for me. “It’s time they know, they love you.”
“When I was a teen, I lost someone very important to me. It’s the reason I don’t drink to this day. Umm... I had a twin brother, Jordan, he was taken from us when we were sixteen because of a drunk driver. He was my best friend. I’m… I’m just really glad I have you all to spend the holidays with, I don’t know what they would look like without you all. I’m sorry that I kept it from you guys.” I can’t bring myself to rehash it the way I did with Harley after our accident but sharing–even just this much is a good step for me. It’s a step in healing, in letting Jordan’s passing be something that I can talk about, something that I don’t need to hide from the people who care about me most. The people that I guarantee Jordan hand picked for me.
There’s a moment of silence before Nik speaks, “I’m sorry that you’ve been holding onto that. Please know you can talk about him whenever you want, however much or little it is that you want to share.”
Maverick adds, speaking to me but looking toward his sister and father, “Grief is a long and hard journey. Sometimes it hits us when we least expect it and we don’t know how to express that to others. Including the ones we cherish most in the world.”
“We’re here for you, bro.” Dom pats me on the shoulder from my side.
“I really don’t know why I spit all of that out right now.” The dam holding back my watery eyes threatening to break.
“Because you wish he was here and even though he’s not, you’ve found other brothers in your team,” Harley speaks with her almighty wisdom.
“Amen.” The guys say in unison. No one looks at me with pity in their eyes as I wipe my tears away, no one offers me condolences or shames me for not sharing this with them sooner. All I feel is the love and support from the people around me along with this lingering feeling that Jordan brought these people to me somehow.
Chapter 10
We’re Stuck
Collins
Iwake to the sounds of howling winds and shaking trees. Turning my phone over, I see that it’s only 4:00 AM and entirely too early for me to be up. Groggily, I peer over Harley’s body to see what’s happening outside. I can’t see farther than five feet from the window, fresh white snow layers everything and continues to come down heavily. The winds continue to hit the side of the cabin. Snowstorm… Fucking wonderful.
I huddle closer to Harley, laying my arm over her middle and attempt to fall back to sleep for a few hours. It takes a bit considering all the noise but it eventually lulls me back into a slumber.
“Holy shit.” These are the words that wake me up for the second time today.
“What is it?” I grunt without opening my eyes to face the sun.
