Prologue
Harley || 11 months ago
Slamming doors. Name-calling. Refusing to speak to me. Isolation.Despite knowing that I deserve better, I willingly put myself through all these things. My friends are right, he’s a horrible man, he doesn't love me, he just wants someone to control.
Today was the final straw.
I’m getting ready for Darcy’s baby shower and Benji stands behind me as I freshen my curls and throw on my mascara. I turn to exit the room only for him to physically block my exit. My pulse immediately quickens, while my throat clogs.
“Where are you going?” He asks, leaning causally against the door frame—as if I haven’t reminded him every day for the past week that I will be gone for a few hours today.
“Darcy’s baby shower, I’ll be back this afternoon and I’ll text you, babe.” I try to remain calm, inching my way towards the door, hopeful he will move out of my way. He doesn’t.
“Just females right?”
“Yep, the guys have Huggies and Chuggies with the team.” I have to physically keep my shoulders from bunching while Ianswer the question; if he senses my anxiety, he’ll feed on it. Benji will sulk or make me feel like I’m abandoning him for spending time with the people I consider my family.
“Good, you know I don’t want you aroundhimanymore.” His jaw ticks, refusing to say Collins’ name. When he found out that Collins and I had been hanging out in my free time, Benji blew a gasket, throwing around words like cheater and whore, ‘forbidding’ me to be in his presence unless we were in a group setting, which I’ve stuck to… For the most part.
“I know, Benji, and I haven’t been around him unless I had to be.” I gently place my hand on his chest, lifting to place a kiss on his lips before attempting to move out of the bathroom and into the hallway of his apartment. I don’t make it far before his large hand is wrapped around my wrist, and I’m pinned against the hallway wall by his broad body. The slight moment of peace I thought I was experiencing shatters immediately.
“Listen to me, and you better listen fucking well.” His voice is dark and low in my ear. “If you come back here looking like you’ve been touched, smelling like another man, or a minute later than you say you will be… Well, I think you know how angry that will make me.” Benji’s grip loosens, one hand moves to my hip, and the other gently strokes my cheek. “And you don’t want me to be angry, do you, Baby?”
“No, I never want to make you angry.” I try to smile, but I’m sure it’s more of a grimace.
“Well, you do make me angry, most days, I need you to stop doing that. I can’t be with someone who doesn’t consider my feelings.” I fight not to throw his words back at him, as he’s never considered my feelings once over the past year. The gentle hand on my cheek moves to my chin and becomes a firm grasp, holding me in place.
“You’re hurting me.” I manage the anxiety coming back full force as I look into the dark eyes of the man who has had control over my life for the past year.
“Do you think I care? Like I said, you make me angry every day, and, Harley, right now I’m pissed because I know that you’re lying.” His grip tightens a little more as he glares down at me. Benji has never hit me, but he will hold me tightly in place while he seethes and screams in my face. Something that I’ve unfortunately become accustomed to.
“Benji, babe, I promise that I wouldn’t do that to you.” I try to push on his chest, but he’s too strong for me, keeping me firmly where he wants me.
“Oh, but H, I know better, and that’s why I’ve decided you’re going to stay here with me.” He backs away from me, giving me a little space in this tiny apartment hallway.
“No.” I rebuke, surprising even myself with how firm my tone is. I’ve never once told him no, but I’m tired and want to celebrate my friend. “I’m going to the baby shower and I will come back afterward.”
“What?” He snarls but doesn’t close in on me again. I take this opportunity to scurry down the hallway toward the apartment door. “You’re. Not. Leaving.”
“I am going. If you try to stop me, I will not come back.” As I’m unlocking the front door, Benji’s large hand presses against it, holding it shut.
“Baby, come on. I asked you not to go.” His voice is suddenly smooth and sweet again, attempting to manipulate me into staying with him.
“No, you demanded that I stay.” I sigh, but don’t turn to face him. However, I do notice that his palm is no longer flat against the door. It’s clenched into a fist, and his breathing is getting heavier. “I’m going now, I will text you when I get there and let you know when I’ll be back.”
His fist thwacks against the door, causing me to jump before it drops back to his side, “Harley. Please don’t leave, I just want to hang out with you.”
I take the opportunity to swing the door open, but before I can make it through the door frame, his arms are banding around my waist in what a passerby might assume was a hug if they didn’t know he was trying to keep me in his apartment.
“Benji, let go, please.” I attempt to soothe his temper by running my hands up his arms, it’s worked before, but this time, it doesn’t. I don’t struggle because it won’t do anything to keep him semi-tolerable.
“I’m just going to miss you.” I can hear the tension in his voice, the way he’s holding onto his last string of control before he begins fully throwing a tantrum.
“I’ll miss you too, babe. The sooner I go, though, the sooner I can be back in your arms.” He doesn’t respond, instead taking a step back and kicking the door closed before setting me on my feet and spinning me to face him.
“Promise me that you’re coming back to me?” He begs, and I know he means it. He’s scared I’m going to leave and never return, despite knowing that every other time I’ve threatened not to come back, I end up right back here. With him.
“Promise.” I smile softly at him, then I’m pushed back against the wall, and his hands are all over me, his lips on my neck. With anyone else, I would love that, but his tongue feels scratchy against my skin. “Benji, I’ve got to go.”
