“You’re right. Again, I’ll say that how he handled things wasn’t the correct way. You are my best friend, you are in love with that man, and he is in love with you. While trust has to be rebuilt, it can’t be if you won’t even hear what he has to say.” There it is, the thing I needed to hear straight from the one person who knows me better than anyone else.
“I’m scared.” I pause, taking a deep breath, “I’m scared that if I hear him out, my resolve will break. That I’ll let myself get wrapped up in him again in his love and kind words and gestures and then he will break me all over again.”
“It’s okay to be scared, the best things in life come from taking a chance when you’re scared. Wouldn’t you agree?” She nods her head in the direction of Bella lying with her head on the outside of Hayden’s baby tot watching Lion King as he sleeps, his little hand wrapped around her thumb.
“I guess I do. I’ll talk to him. I think he’s coming over today.”
“Yep, should be on the elevator…” She glances at her phone, “Now actually. Bella baby, it’s time to go see Daddy.”
Kodi and I stand, and I wrap my arms around her, “thank you Kodi. For everything, love ya.”
“Love ya.”
A few minutes later I’m pacing the living room, Hayden transferred to his crib and when Tatum crosses the threshold, my body tingles in his presence. His mouth opens and closes a few times but words fail him.
“Let’s sit outside?” I offer, hoping that transitioning out of this area will help him gather his thoughts. I can’t be the one to start this conversation because he needs to get out his thoughts first. He nods his head and follows me to the patio, I sit facing inward first bringing my legs beneath me then patting the cushion next to me, giving him the permission he needs to be in close proximity with me.
“Darcy.”
“Tatum.” I quirk a brow at him, waiting but not pushing him to speak until he feels ready.
“I know that I’ve said this more times than you can count but I’m going to tell you again that I’m sorry.”
“Thank you.” I have to give him something, starting with acknowledging an apology he’s tried to give over and over again.
“It’s not okay, none of it was okay.” He sucks in a deep breath, his frustration and sadness palpable between us.
“I know it wasn’t okay but I’m telling you that I accept your apology.” I give him an encouraging nod and find myself reaching for his hands, his engulf mine but I want him to know I’m here and I’m listening.
“Thank you.” A tear slips free from his eye. “You and Hayden mean everything to me; you both are my world. I tore that apart and there’s been a gaping hole in my heart where you both belong. I want,” He starts, before shaking his head, “no, I need you both back in my life. I can’t express to you how sorry I am. I can’t tell you enough that I love you but I’m going to try. These past two weeks have been my rock bottom and I will do whatever it takes to bring us back together.”
“It might take me some time to fully trust you again or to not clam up when I feel like you’re pulling away. I think we need to communicate better though. When it’s hard, when we need to tap out, or when we need more from the other person.” His grip on my hand tightens as I speak, a quick glimmer of hope passing over his eyes.
“Ma-” He stops himself but I find myself vehemently shaking my head then pressing my forehead to his.
“Say it.”
“Mama, tell me that means what I think it means.”
I don’t say anything, I instead crawl into his lap, straddling him in broad daylight, wrapping my hands around the back of his neck and pulling his lips to mine in a desperate clashing of tongues and teeth.
Tatum pulls back first, panting, “I promise you that I will never do that again. I’ve been self reflecting, I’m trying to do better. I need you in my life Darcy, I can’t do life without you. I love you.”
“I love you.”
“Fuck, I missed hearing you say that.” He brings his lips to mine again but it’s cut short by Hayden’s small cries coming through my phone.
Epilogue- Vitamin You
Tatum || 12 months old, February
Gathered at the beach house, surrounded by our loved ones, my hands are shaking violently in my pockets around the little velvet box I’ve been carrying around all day.
“Ready for this?” Nik’s strong hand comes down on my shoulder as we watch Hayden waddle at high speed around the living room with Bella.
“Ready as I’ll ever be. I gotta go get him changed.” Proposing here by the beach seemed like the best fit, in our happy place celebrating our son's first birthday with all of our favorite people. I go and scoop Hayden up, “Alright little man outfit change time.”
Darcy catches me as I’m headed to Hayden’s nursery and I almost spit it out at the way she looks up at me, eyes wide, lips parted and baby blue dress clinging to her chest perfectly.
