“You wouldn’t have been able to talk sense into me, I was too deep in my head. I know that what I did was fucked up, I don’t deserve any of you guys to forgive me. I don’t deserve her, either. She’s too kind and loving for me. She’s too good for me.”
“Well…” He huffs. “I could’ve knocked you out and stopped you from leaving at least. Dude you still don’t believe that she will forgive you?”
“It’s been weeks and I haven’t gotten so much as four words or a smile from her. Most of the time my mom is at the condo and Darcy only comes into the room to feed Hayden. The other day I got on my knees, begging her to talk to me and she just left me there.”
“Are you putting in the work? Like truly.” He’s sitting now, the anger dissipating from the space.
“I’m showing up, Hayden smiles at me now but she still won’t talk to me aside from a few words here and there. I’ve tried bringing her dinner and flowers, and while I know I can’t buy her love, I was hoping at least to buy myself a conversation. I’ve been doing some reading too, trying to help myself become more in tune with my emotions and what to do when the self-doubt creeps in.”
Harley recommended the books to me after swearing me to secrecy along with urging me to find a therapist. Harls is supposed to be mad at me but she knows that Darcy will appreciate that she did that someday. At Harls’ suggestion, I’ve reached out to a few offices in the area and am waiting to get my first appointment scheduled. For now, the books Harley recommended will have to do.
“It’s going to take more than some flowers and food to get her to talk to you.”
“I just… I don’t know what else to do.”
“What have you not said to her that you think she needs to hear?” Maverick asks and I have to take a moment to think about it.
“I wish I could tell you, man. I feel like I cut my own chest open and spread my heart on the floor for her when I came back.” I find myself rubbing my sternum, the pain from that day seeping back in.
“Do you think that maybe because the emotions were high, she didn’t believe you meant it and instead assumed you were saying it because you wanted her to forgive you?”
“I don’t know, Mav.”
“I think maybe you should go to her, try and tell her again. She might still need space but you can lay it out again. Just like she continued to tell you that you were enough, you can tell her that you will continue to fight for her, and fight for your family.” Maverick’s words sink in, and it isn’t long before I’m thanking him and heading to the condo.
The elevator dings and I step out, coming face to face with Kodi and Bella.
“Bye, Uncle Tater Tot!” Bella waves rambunctiously beside Kodi.
“Don’t fuck this up. She’ll kill me if she finds out I told you this, but she loves you, you big buffoon.” Kodi whispers, squeezing my arm gently and stepping into the elevator.
Chapter32
Say It
Darcy || 6 weeks old, March
“Darcy, you are my best friend and I am very rarely on anybody’s side except yours,” Kodi says and I brace myself for the truth bomb she is about to drop on me. I know exactly where this conversation is going—I’ve been moping for the past two weeks and I could very easily solve my own problems but I’m choosing to avoid them, too afraid to open myself to heartbreak.
“And yet it would appear that today you are not on mine,” I sulk.
“You would be correct in assuming that.”
“I really don’t want to do this Ko.”
Again. I know where this is going and if someone else tells me to talk to him, then I’ll cave to my burning desire to hear him say he loves me and needs me again.
“Just hear me out.” Her hands wringing in her lap tell me she’s bracing herself for me to be angry with her.
“Out with it, I know exactly what you’re going to say. Hit me with the bestie bomb so I can finally come to my senses.”
“I have never seen you so miserable in your life—not even when your parents made you end things with Kent. I know that what Tatum did was messed up but I also hate to tell you that you used to run too. When life got hard, when your parents were being extra controlling, when you got too close to a man, where did you run to?”
“The beach.” Fucking hell, she’s right.
“So what did Tatum do when life got hard, when his mind became too much?”
“Ran to the beach. This is different though Kodi, I didn’t leave my partner and child behind.”
