“I think you should stay with your parents, you can come to see him whenever you want but I need space. I can’t share a bed with you, have conversations with you, or work on building a life with you right now.”
Her words are frantic yet firm. I hold Hayden close to my chest, whispering soft affection to him before handing him to Darcy and packing a duffle of my things.
Heading out, I promise, “No matter what, I’m going to fight. Fight for you and Hayden. For our family. I love you.”
“Goodbye, Tate.” Her sniffles echo, following me down the hallway and into the elevator.
Chapter30
My Heart on the Kitchen Floor
Darcy || 4 weeks old, March
True to his word, every day since Tatum showed back up at the condo and apologized, he’s been making time to see Hayden. I want to think that he’s coming to see me, but I refuse to let myself believe it. His week-long vanishing act lingers in the back of my head and the idea he might do it again when things get hard roils within me.
When he arrives, he’s never empty handed. Some days he comes with lilies, and he’s brought lasagna—he even asked if we could eat together but I wasn’t ready. I can’t sit across from him and have a conversation, when my heart has hardly even healed from last week.
I’ve been using Rose as a way to get me out of talking to him. She’s been helping me with Hayden and holding me when I cry, she validates my fear and anger towards her son. While I know that deep down she wants to shake us both and tell us not to throw this all away. On the other side of the coin, my mother won’t leave me alone. She calls everyday and when I don’t pick up, she calls three more times. I know she’s fine because she texts afterward, but I can’t deal with her on top of this.
Today, though, it’s just me and Hayden, so when the elevator dings open I take a deep breath and steel myself to face Tate unassisted. Hayden sleeps quietly in his crib so I turn from the kitchen counter to find Tate standing there and looking at me with trepidation in his eyes, a box of diapers in hand.
“Hi. I brought more diapers, I noticed they were getting low.” He sets them on the island and waits.
“Thank you.”
“Could we talk before he gets up?”
“I was actually going to shower before he wakes up if you want to watch him on the monitor app.” I still don’t feel ready to have this conversation, the one where he sits in front of me and tells me all the things I believe and know in an effort to bring us back together.
“Ma-” He stops himself, “Darcy please.”
“I… I can’t Tatum.” I turn on my heel to head down the hallway but before I can breach the entranceway, he’s in front of me. His desperate, hazel eyes shout a million truths that I don’t want to hear right now. I squeeze my eyes shut, warding off the tears and eye contact threatening to break me at this moment.
“Darcy please,” pleads Tate, his voice breaking. I let myself take another deep breath before opening my eyes, but he is no longer standing in front of me. He’s fallen to his knees, his shoulders rising and falling aggressively as he bawls, “Please just talk to me. You don’t have to forgive me today, tomorrow, or even next week. Please just have a conversation with me, my heart can’t handle being iced out by you. I miss you just as much as I missed him. I love you more than I ever imagined was possible and it’s eating me from the inside out that you can’t look at me without disgust in your eyes.”
My resolve is rapidly dwindling as I look down into his eyes, bearing witness to the pain trapped behind them, but something is still preventing me from giving in to him. I can’t bring myself to say anything, just gently shaking my head and continuing down the hallway leaving Tatum and my heart behind on the kitchen floor.
Chapter31
You Big Idiot
Tatum || 6 weeks old, March
It’s been three weeks since my world was shattered when I broke my family. Every day since my return to reality, I’ve been going and seeing Hayden and Darcy. She still won’t speak to me. I’ve brought lilies and lasagna a few times, hoping Darcy will at least have a conversation with me over dinner but instead the lilies are thrown unwatered into a vase and the lasagna slid into the fridge.
Now I’m banging on my best friend's front door because he won’t speak to me and I know Kodi and Bella aren’t home because they are with my girl and my child. He’s given me the silent treatment since I left Darcy and I can’t blame him for ignoring me, I deserve it. I don’t deserve any of my friends but almost all of them continue to reach out checking in on me… And standing by Darcy’s.
When the door swings open, a red-faced Maverick appears and I hear a crunch before I feel it.
“Fuck!” I scream.
Barely able to process that Maverick just punched me in the nose, blood trickles down my face and my eyes are watering so hard I can barely see.
“Get your ass in here, and sit the fuck down,” Maverick orders. “You’re going to listen and not say a fucking word because if you open your mouth, I will punch you again,” Mav says, softer this time as he throws a black rag at my face for me to hold over my nose. Unwilling to be punched again, I just nod along as I nurse my still-leaking nose. “Why the fuck would you do that shit? You know what I went through with Bella, you witnessed me panic firsthand about whether Lily would just randomly show up and the struggles that come with being a single parent. Then that woman,mywife’s best friend walks into your life and you run. Bolting without a word, and leaving us to all think we are going to do this all over again. You ran without even coming to me, Tate. I’m supposed to be your fucking best friend. I could’ve talked some sense into you. You can’t seriously expect me to just be okay with this.”
“Can I speak now?” I ask, it’s muffled by the rag and angle of my head to stop the bleeding.
“Yes.” His pacing has slowed but his arms remain crossed over his chest.
