“Probably an hour or so.”
“When did you shower last?”
“The other night, it’s been rough. We’ve been trying our best, he was doing his best.” I say again as another sob escapes me.
“Why don’t you go shower and take a nap? You need it and he will be okay with me. You have bottles in the fridge right? I know how to heat them.”
“That would be really great actually thank you. He’s been gassy though so he needs to be fed at that weird angle and just keep him upright for a bit.”
“We’ve got you both Darcy. Go, love you.”
“Love you,” Sin says from behind the couch where she’s collecting tissues, chocolate wrappers, and diapers.
“Love you both.”
I head to our room, turning on the shower at the highest temperature. Once the bathroom is filled with steam, I strip and step under the water, just letting it run over my body as the adrenaline from the past few hours wears off and the exhaustion kicks in. Throughout my shower, salty tears stream down my face, my body shaking with each sob that leaves my throat. When I’ve cried all the tears I have left, I step out of the shower, grab one of Tatum’s shirts, and pull the covers of our bed up to my neck. Before I let my eyes close, I pull my phone out and send one final message to him. If he doesn’t answer this one then I’m going to give up.
Me
Tatum, please. Please don’t do this to us. We need you, you didn’t even tell me you were leaving. You left me, our son without a word. Why? Why did you do this? We love you and want you to come home.
* * *
Now I sit herewith his parents and sisters, a week later, wondering what went so horribly wrong that he would just disappear on us like this. My three-week-old son and I that he claimed to want and love.
“This doesn’t make sense. He’s never been one to just run off like this,” Rose sighs. Tessa and Tinsley sit in the corner of the couch with Hayden between them since they couldn’t make up their minds about who should get to hold him first.
“All he said was that he was headed to the gym. I figured he needed to get away for a bit, we had a few rough nights with Hayden.” I shrug, my legs tucked beneath me, one of our fuzzy blankets covering my body and providing me some semblance of comfort. Not the kind that I wish I was experiencing and comes in the form of Tatum’s arms wrapped tightly around me.
“There’s not anywhere that you can think of that he might have run off to?” Walter asks for the third time since they arrived two hours ago.
“I don’t think so.”
“No place of peace or comfort that he likes to escape to?” He expands on his previous question. An epiphany punches me in the face right then of the one place that he always says he goes to when he needs to think. A place that we’ve escaped to multiple times over the last nine and half months when life got to be too overwhelming or pregnancy got to be too hard.
“Oh my god. The beach house!” I scream, scaring Hayden into tears. Tinsley quickly scoops him up, softly hushing him back to sleep before leaning back and letting him sleep on her chest. Tessa side eyes her, probably assuming that it’s going to be a while before she gets some nephew snugs.
Rose and Walter are up on their feet as soon as the words leave my mouth, slipping on their shoes and quickly telling the twins, “Behave, help Darcy, and share your nephew's snuggles or Darcy has the right to step in.” In an instant they are rushing out of the condo.
I silently will Tatum to be at the bungalow and pray his parents will be able to knock some sense into him. I know that if he does come back, he has a lot of making up to do. I refuse to just go back to normal and act like he didn’t crack my heart in two when he walked out on me and his son.
Chapter29
You think?
Tatum || 3 weeks old, February
The front door of the beach house slams open and I’m swiftly slapped on the back of the head by, as it turns out, none other than my mother. I’ve seen my parents angry, and I’ve been scolded and grounded more times than I can count, but the pure rage radiating off of my mom tells me all that I need to know. I fucked up, and I fucked up bad. It hasn’t left my mind since I drove away last week but it’s time to face the music.
“Tatum Michael Reed, are you even listening to me right now?” My mother snaps her fingers in my face far more aggressively than necessary. I honestly don’t remember how long she was rampaging or anything that she said to me.
“Rose honey, I know this is going to put me in the dog house but why don’t you take a breather and we sit down and talk to him.” My dad says as he gently guides her to the loveseat across from where I sit.
“I’m sorry.” I don’t know what else to say at this point but it’s worth a shot.
“What were you thinking, son?” My dad asks, I catch him rubbing soothing circles on my Mom’s shoulder and wonder who’s been doing that for Darcy over this past week.
“I…” I choke on my words, emotions I haven’t wanted to face getting stuck at the base of my throat. “I am the worst dad to ever exist. Hayden cries every time he’s in my arms, Darcy resents me, and I’ll never be as good as you.” I let the tears stream freely down my face, not bothering to hide my hatred for myself from my parents.
