I nod.
“Nice memories?”
“Yeah. She used to braid my hair every morning for school. She was also a teacher like my dad.”
“Sounds very ordinary. Average teacher. Average family.”
“It was. It is. We are average.”
Connor throws his cigar into the pit. “Declan likes average. He thinks that if he can keep the monster at bay, he will be average. An ordinary citizen.”
“And you?”
“I try too. But we couldn’t be average even if we wanted to. Even at work, Declan is not average. Declan is superb. I know he thinks he butchered this job with our dad, but it’s one of his best.”
“You love your brother.”
Connor snickers. “Love? I wouldn’t call it that.”
“What would you call it?”
“Declan doesn’t count. He’s… He just is. There. With me. Always. Constant. Even when he trained for ninjitsu, he took me with him to the temple in the middle of fucking nowhere.”
Ninjitsu? As in ninja? They were assassins, weren’t they? I turn my head to see if Declan will join us again.
“He’s not coming back out,” Connor says.
“Oh.”
“He probably won’t talk to me for a week now.”
“Why not?”
“Because I made you parent me.”
I frown. “Parent you?”
“Feel sorry for me. Hug me. Mommy me.”
“That’s not what I was doing.”
“Isn’t it?”
“No. Feeling sympathy for someone’s loss and hugging a person when I feel they could use a hug is not parenting them.”
“Declan thinks it is. He doesn’t want your hugs. Or your pity.” Connor pours his drink into the fire. “And neither do I.” He pulls out a gun and taps my forehead with it. “I love nobody. My brother doesn’t count in the love equation because he’s the constant in my life. He’s the only one who is always going to be around for me. And I will always be around for him. I would do anything for Declan. Anything at all. Including the things he must do but can’t do himself.”
I don’t breathe. He doesn’t strike me as someone who bluffs. His blue eyes are cold, devoid of humanity, telling me he could pull the trigger and not feel remorse. Connor Crossbow is his father’s son.
“You’re a coward,” I say.
Connor’s eyes widen.
“That’s right. I said it.” I had no idea a bottle of beer and a cigar would make me suicidal, but they did, and I can’t stop. “You could push back against the label your parents gave you. You don’t have to accept their failed and faulty rhetoric. I’m not telling you to go do good and be good, but don’t make excuses for yourself either. I don’t care either way. You point that thingat me and tell me you’re doing it for your brother. You have no idea what Dec and I went through when he was injured, with the whole city looking for him. And he placed his trust in a stranger. He didn’t have to. He could’ve shot me when we got to my apartment. He didn’t. You know why?”
Connor shakes his head.
“Me either, but since he spared me, I did my best to keep him alive. You can call me stupid if you like, but you can’t tell me you can’t trust me. Or that I’m not a woman of my word.”
