Bunny just holds me tight, and when I’m ready, she says, “We’re going to be fine. I promise we’re going to befine. We just need to get out of here, and thenwe’ll be fine.”
But what if we’re not, the worst parts of my mind whisper. I can’t give in to the worst parts of myself. So, instead, I give in to her embrace. Wrapping my arms around her, I match her breathing, steadying my heart so I can come back to her—the way she needs me to.
“I got you,” I swear I fucking do, Bunny. I fucking promise I got you. Or I’ll die trying.
“Until the end?”
Until the very last second.
It doesn’t take long for us to collect what little we have. Everything fits into two bags. It should have been easy for us to slip out, but it’s like Susie was waiting—like she knew what we would do.
“What are you doing?”
“Susie,” Bunny breathes, hair wild, arms held helplessly at her sides as we stand in the hallway. I tower over the two of them in the back, hands full of our belongings. Gently, I nudge Bunny forward with the plastic bag.We have to go.
“I’m sorry.” Bunny pushes past Susie’s taut frame, casting a sorrowful glance before the two of us race out the back. I listen to her feet trailing behind us, racing to keep up. If I turn around, I’ll stop, because I’ve grown to see how much she cares for us. I’ve come to care, too. I’m too damaged for that, though. We both are. In order to finish this, I have to stay angry.
I can’t look back.
I can’t let Bunny look back either.
Keeping one bag pressed against her, I drive her further ahead.
We’ll come back. I know we will.
When we’re outside, Susie takes her opportunity to rip Bunny away from me. She slips away faster than I can catch her. So, I’m forced to watch the sadness enter both their eyes.
“What’s going on?” Susie asks, tears welling. “What did you two do?”
Bunny’s blackout flashes in my mind—all the blood and teeth. Susie will find out eventually what we’ve done, but for now, I can’t allow her to sit here and make Bunny feel bad. We don’t deserve to feel bad.
Right?
With more force than I intended, I tear the license plates from the vehicle and snap, “What they deserved!” We didnothingthey didn’t ask for.
Right?
Bunny, thrown by my sudden mood, holds her hand out, the silent question on her face:What’s wrong with you?Fuck. Shit. Okay. Calm down, Cade. Needing to get a grasp on my sudden burst of anger, I spin around and throw our stuff in the car. I don’t try to listen in on their conversation, but I’ve grown used to listening to all the sounds around me. I can’t help but keep one ear turned in their direction.
“None of this will fall back on you. None of this. I swear.”
“Honey, I don’t care about that,” Susie sniffles, holding back the tears. “What about you? You two need to stop this andgo!Go far away from here andlive.”
“We will,” Bunny soothes. In my periphery, I see her turn toward me. “After.”
In a flash, the somber tone in Susie’s voice fades. A sharp, scolding squeal replaces it. “Bernice,” she snaps, shocking us both with the use of her real name. “This is stupid! You two,”she reprimands, pointing between the two of us, “are going to get yourselves caught! Orworse.”
“You know what they did,” Bunny hisses against the wind, bringing her top up to flash the scars. She gestures for me to do the same, so I show her my side, all of the slashes that ruin me. “They need to be punished for what they did to us—for what they’restilldoing to others!”
“Shh! Shh!” Susie glances around the empty alley along with me, knowing that anything—or anyone—can linger in the shadows. “I understand that,” she utters when she’s sure we’re alone, “and I agree! No one deserves to die more than they do. Bu?—”
“Yes!” Bunny interrupts, “So, you see?—”
“But not by you… Oryou,” she cries, holding her hands out to the both of us. Bunny lets her hold on, anchoring her to the sadness. “Let the police handle this. You two have done enough.”
A look crosses Bunny’s face that Susie completely misses. Had she paid enough attention, she would have seen the twitch in the corner of her mouth, the only sign Bunny would give to signal she was going to disappoint her. Over time, I watched Bunny grow close to Susie. I think she saw a mom in her—something she always craved, but could never have. I know what it’s like to be a disappointment to a mother… I can’t let Bunny feel that.
I pull Bunny out of Susie’s hold and replace it with my own, weakening myself before her. “No,” I mutter, hoping Susie can see the regret in my eyes, too. “I was his pawn for years. I did… fucking awful things. Things that will never leave me, for years. I’m going to kill him, Susie. And then everyone is going to know what he and the others did to us. They’re going to know because of me. They’re going to know because of her!”
