The room is too small, suddenly caving in on me as my heart falters in my chest. I can feel the sweat beading around the corners of my eyes as my vision fades in and out of focus.
Where is the air? It’s hot in here.
Out, out.
I need to get out.
Stumbling away from Amira, I head out the door, fumbling with the lock until I feel like punching a hole through the goddamn wood.
Finally getting it open, I rush from the room, not bothering to slip shoes on. I just need to get the fuck out.
I trip over a crack in the pavement as I dart across the parking lot. I don’t know where I’m going, letting my feet guide me as I focus on the thumping of my heart. It pulses against my ribcage, doing its best to split my chest in half.
Crashing into a black metal gate, I let my head slam against the bars and breathe. The air smells of chlorine, musk and gasoline, fumes that do nothing to help combat my oncoming headache.
Fidgeting with the latch, I open the gate just enough to slip through, stopping at the edge of the motel's community pool. I stare at the crystal-clear water, taking in my reflection as my heart begins to slow.
I don’t know what brought on that panic attack, but it’s taken everything out of me. Forty-two degrees is too cold for anyone to be swimming, so I take advantage of my isolation and drop on my ass.
Sliding my feet into the chlorinated water, I lie back, letting the motion of the water bring me relaxation.
I don’t want to make a mistake, but for some reason, it’s hitting me all at once that bringing Amira home seems to be just that. In the back of my mind, I know what I’m doing is right, but so much could go wrong, and I don’t have a plan in case things do.
I can’t lose her, that’s for fucking sure.
But that may happen no matter what.
“Fuck me.”What do I do?
“Are you okay?”
Tilting my head back, I stare at Amira’s concerned upside-down face. Sleep is still etched into the contours of her skin, her hair is knotted in wild curls around her head, and her clothes are too fucking big.
That’s because they’re mine. But fuck me if she doesn’t take my breath away.
“Just needed some air.”
I watch her slink through the opening of the gate, stopping at my head before she crosses her feet at the ankles and drops down. Her fingers tenderly massage my temples. Amira’s touch is the balm I need to recover from my anxiety.
She’s always been my healer.
“You were asleep for almost twelve hours,” I say, creating waves as my feet kick through the water.
“Yeah… I was tired.”
I bet since you rarely fucking sleep.
I’m about to rise off the floor when Amira’s hand holds me down. “Stay. Talk to me… what’s wrong?”
My pride doesn’t want to admit to Amira that fear is running through my veins. I’m her man. I’m supposed to be strong at all times.
I’m her protector, defender.
My job is to carry Amira’s worries so she doesn’t have to fucking think about them.
But fuck, I’m tired, and any strength I had inside me is slowly dying the closer we get to home.
Just as I’m about to open my mouth and reassure her that I’m okay, she shakes her head, eyes peering into mine before saying, “No more lies. Right?”
