I held him that night, tracing his swollen, red flesh as I am now, listening to the rhythmic thumping of his heart until I fell asleep wrapped up with the love of my life.
Roman deserves so much, and I’ve given him nothing.
Maybe he’s right…
Maybe I do need this.
“You look deep in thought.”
I didn’t realize I had zoned out or that he had opened his eyes until Roman’s throaty rasp drifts into my ear.
Refocusing, I lock eyes with his sleepy smile. Something about that drowsy smirk pulls at my heartstrings, making me feel empty and whole all at once.
I want to drown in that smile and lose myself in this brief moment of happiness before we set on the road again. I want to sink down on my belly and pleasure him the way he did me.
I want to show him I can be better… for us.
“What’s wrong, angel?”
“I just want us to be okay,” I whisper, letting a single tear fall from my lids onto the sculpted muscle of his shoulder.
“We will be,” he promises, positioning himself on his elbow, extending his neck to brush his warm, silky lips against my chapped skin.
“What’s that smell?” he asks as our lips come apart, nose scrunching up in disgust as the overwhelming scent of smoke filters in through the walls.
“The neighbors.”
Shuddering with repulsion, Roman springs over my seated body, stumbling on his feet as he makes his way to the bathroom. “Let me piss and take a quick shower, and then we’ll go. Is all your stuff packed?”
Bobbing my head, I point to the packed luggage sitting near the door. “And yours.”
Roman mumbles his thanks and departs into the bathroom, locking the door behind him so he can do his business.
The water doesn’t kick on until fifteen minutes later. Thankfully, Roman’s showers don’t last very long, and at ten-thirty, we’re packing the car to head out on the road again.
“Fuck. It’s hot,” Roman claims as we trek to the car.
This warmer weather is definitely different from what we’ve gotten used to, but it’s a nice change from the frosty bite.
Unlike the other motels we’ve stayed at before, this one doesn’t require us to go inside and drop off the keys personally, which is great because I don’t feel like exiting the car this late at night. Instead, there is a drop box on the side of the office, advising us to leave the keys in there.
“You ready?” Roman asks once he gets back into the car, wiping the sweat from his brow while buckling himself in before putting the car in drive and peeling out of the congested parking lot.
Not really, I want to say, sinking down in my seat until the top of my head barely pokes over the bottom of the window.
I itch to ask him to turn the car around and drive us home, promising to try harder and make being with me a little easier. But a hopeless inkling keeps me quiet, having me wallowing in the passenger's seat until daylight burns and dusk begins to settle over our heads.
It's funny how time can fly in a blink of an eye. You don’t have to move or keep yourself busy. It just keeps going, whether you’re ready or not. Although, that’s not how I felt at home.
The men would hunt me down, chasing me through the thick foliage of the forest, and somehow, time was forgotten. It slowed until it was a nonexistent event, and I lost. No matter what.
So as the night flies by, I curse time because it always seems to fail me whenever I need it the most.
Cracking the window, I stick my hand outside and wave it through the wind, letting the breeze cool the fever I can feel rising inside of me.
I can smell rain in the air as I lean out of the window, freshly cut crops of hay mingling with the scent of thunderstorms and muggy humidity.
My body is sticky as the damp air suffocates my skin, and no matter how many times I push the hair away from my face, tiny tendrils remain stuck to the sweat around my eyes and forehead. The thin fabric of my leggings bunches uncomfortably around my thighs as I draw my feet under me.
