Glancing down at my phone clenched in my hand, ignoring the dozens of missed calls from Amira, I check the remainder of my route, sighing in fucking relief when I see I only have another ten minutes left.
I’ve been so stuck in my head that I didn’t even realize the scenery had become familiar.
Willowy trees line the sidewalks as I walk down the dark and quiet residential street. At three in the morning, everyone is asleep at this time, or mostly everyone. There’s a single light shining from the house at the end of the street.
Once my feet hop up on the curb, the door opens, and out pops Amira, her swollen, bleary, tired eyes meeting mine as she walks out of the door.
“Hey. What are you doing up, angel?” I ask, pulling her into a tight hug.
I can feel her shaking underneath the throw blanket she has wrapped around her.
“Why are you out here? Let’s go inside. It’s fucking freezing,” I say, spinning her around to guide us into the house, but I’m met with resistance as she pushes back.
“It’s a pretty night. Sit down with me,” she says, dipping under my arm and planting herself down on the first step.
I’m fucking tired, and all I want to do is throw myself down onto the couch and fall asleep, but her wish is my command, and I won’t leave her out here by herself. So, I push down my exhaustion and join her on the stairs.
“Are you okay?” I ask her, watching her eyes stare unblinking at the glowing moon.
“Ash left a little while ago. He came by without you. I was worried, but all he said was you needed some air, and you’ll be fine. I knew I couldn’t sleep until you got home, and since I was already awake, I figured I would wait for you.”
“You didn’t need to do that, love,” I mumble, feeling like the biggest dick in the world because she gave up a night's sleep to wait on my stupid ass.
“Are you okay?” she asks when the silence between us grows uncomfortable.
There’s something about Amira that makes you want to rip yourself open and divulge your problems.
Maybe it’s because she’s dealt with so much, and you know she won’t judge you for whatever goes on in your head. But, whatever it is, I’ve always felt comfortable expressing to her all the shit that’s been crowding my mind tonight.
“I don’t like what’s going on between us. This fucking tension… the hostility. I fucking hate it.”
“Yeah… I know what you mean,” she says, distress clogging her tone as her eyes swell on mine.
“I don’t know what to fucking do, Amira. Some days it seems like we’re moving forward, but then we take a dozen steps back and end up worse than where we started.”
Her stare widens under the moonlight, tears welling in her eyes as she takes in what I said. She bobs her head to the rhythm of her tapping foot. Her gaze trained past my face.
“I know,” she agrees softly, lips clenched tightly together as she
attempts to hold back her tears.
Shit.
I didn’t want to make her cry tonight.
Wrapping my arm around her quaking shoulder, I pull her against my sternum, resting her head against my chest so she can listen to the heart that only beats for her.
“I love you. We’ll make this work.”
Because it’ll kill me if it doesn’t.
Amira leans back into my arms and stares up at the greyish-black sky, eyes running over the faint, distant constellations hidden behind the clouds. She used to try to count all the stars lighting up the sky when we would sneak away into the night and would grow quiet when she lost track.
As I stare into the side of her face, I’m wondering if that’s what she’s trying to do now; count the stars.
“You know, I lied to you the other night,” Amira says softly, her warm breath leaving puffs in the chilly breeze.
Pressing my lips against her frosty temple, I ask, “And what did you lie about?”
