Aweek had passed, and I still felt as haggard as I had previously. I just felt… exhausted, with everyone and everything. I needed an out, and I knew it. And the only thing I could think of to get that out was to do what my mom suggested.
So, I filled out the application to be my niece’s live-in nanny. I did, however, change my name on the application. I just left off my last name and used only my first and middle name. I didn’t want to flat-out lie, but I knew if my last name were on there, he’d take one look at my application and toss it, and I needed that job to get away.
I didn’t want to risk running into Steven and Nikki again, so I switched coffee shops. I was sitting in the back corner booth with my back against the wall and my knees in the air as I kept my feet on the seat. I scrolled through social media on my phone while sipping my hot chocolate when an email came through. I didn’t recognize the address, so I swiped on my screen until I could pull up the latest email in my inbox.
I skimmed the message and saw I was being asked to come in for an interview for the nanny position. I was floored that I’d even gotten that far in the process until I saw that the email wasn’t sent from Roman but from his assistant.
I quickly typed out a reply and sent it, confirming that I would be able to make it to the interview that was set for just a few days later, giving me plenty of time to pack my things and talk to my guidance counselor about switching my classes to online until I could transfer to another school to do in-person learning. It was time I moved on. I’d been nothing but miserable, even before all the shit happened with Steve and Nikki. I didn’t feel like I belonged. I told myself it would get better, but I was deceiving myself. It was time that I admitted that maybe if I didn’t feel like I was home, then perhaps I wasn’t in the right place.
Realizing this felt like I was finally able to set down all the weight I’d been carrying around. I felt lighter, as if I could breathe more deeply. I even felt a little happier, and that’s when I knew that making this move was right for me. I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn’t realize that I was no longer alone.
Someone cleared their throat, and I gasped as my head popped up, finding Steve in front of me. He wet his lips and nervously ran a hand through his dark hair.
“Can we talk for a minute?”
I swallowed, knitting my brows. “What? No.”
He rolled his eyes. “I guess I deserve that.”
I opened my mouth in shock.
He guessed he deserved that?“
Did I deserve getting to walk in on my boyfriend and best friend having sex?”
It looked like guilt washed over him; even his eyes changed somehow.
“No, that’s what I wanted to talk with you about.” Without waiting for permission, he slid into my booth, making me pull my feet back to keep him from sitting on them. He twisted his upper body to face me as my back straightened off the wall.
“I want you to know how sorry I am. I know I fucked up. I treated you like shit, and I’m sorry for that. This isn’t who I am. I honestly don’t know what’s gotten into me. I’ve never been the cheating kind. My head is just all fucked up lately.” He fisted his hair, tugging at the root.
I was frozen in place, unable to believe he was sitting next to me again, saying these things.
“Wait… What do you think is going to happen here?” I asked, motioning between the two of us. “Did you really think that you could just sit down, say a few words, and I’d forget everything that happened between us?”
His Adam’s apple bobbed in his throat as his jaw clenched. “Well, no… But I was hoping that maybe it would be the first step in fixing things.”
“Fixing things?”
He nodded and shrugged one shoulder.
“There’s nothing to fix, Steve. You fucked my best friend. There’s no coming back from that.”
He sighed.
“Sash…” he breathed my name like he used to. It used to be the key to my undoing, hearing him say my name like that. Suddenly, it no longer had the same effect.
“Move.”
He turned his head to look at me in confusion. “What?”
“I said move. I’m leaving. Let me up.”
“Don’t do this, Sash…”
“Move, or I’ll scream,” I warned.
“Alright, fuck,” he mumbled before standing. He motioned with his arm for me to stand and walk ahead of him, and I took advantage of that opportunity.
