“Roman, wait!” she called out.
I froze. My back was straight, and my hands were tightened into fists at my sides. I didn’t turn around to face her. I was afraid that I’d look into those big, green eyes of hers and give her anything she wanted, even if the logical side of my brain knew it wasn’t good for her.
“Please, stop. Don’t go.” I heard the quiet squeak of the mattress as she moved. “I don’t want to be alone, and I know if I let you leave now, I’ll be alone for who knows how long.” She had been walking closer, and she finally stepped directly in front of me.
Her green eyes were bloodshot, but they were burning with heat. She lifted herself onto her tiptoes and scratched my neck with her nails as she hooked her hand around the back of my neck.
“Stay with me,” she whispered, moving her lips to mine. “Please. I need you.”
My body was rigid as I held myself back. I had turned her down once already, and it had taken every ounce of my strength.I didn’t know if I could do it again. I was absorbing her warmth, and it was making me weak—like she was somehow unthawing my frozen body. Her lips were against mine, soft yet firm, and her tongue was sweet as she pushed it into my mouth.
I didn’t want to kiss her back. At least, that’s what I told myself. Deep down, I wanted so much more than just a kiss. It was wrong, and I knew that if I let it go on, it would only get harder to stop. I had to work up the strength to stop her. In the meantime, I let her kiss me, and I savored every moment.
When I didn’t give in to her desires, she slowed the kiss and broke away.
“What’s wrong?” she asked, looking up at me.
“I told you. We can’t.”
“Why not? You’re the one who started this, remember?”
“That was a mistake.”
“No, it wasn’t.” She glared at me. “We both want this. Why are you resisting?”
“If Chloe?—”
“She’s dead, Roman. Dead. She can’tanything, anymore. She doesn’t care what happens between us because she’s gone. It’s impossible for her to care about anything anymore.”
My jaw clenched. I hated being reminded of what I’d lost, and I hated it when anyone did it without any sensitivity. “You’re drunk. Get some sleep.” I pushed past her and headed for the door.
“Fuck you, Roman.” Her tone was harsh. I could hear the pain in her voice, and I could tell she was holding back tears.
I couldn’t stop myself. I turned around to take in the tears as they won the fight. They were rolling down her red face.
“Fuck you for making me feel something for you, for making me want you so that you could knock me down a peg. Is this what you wanted? Did you want me to be hurt and broken? Because this is what you’ve caused.”
“You really think this is what I wanted?” I asked, walking toward her.
“Why else did you kiss me like that and then go and pretend I didn’t fucking exist? Why else would you be pushing me away now?”
“Because. It’s. Wrong.” I said each word clearly. “I fucked up when I kissed you, and I’ve been staying away from you so I don’t go and do something ten times worse, something I can’t fucking take back.” I was only a foot away from her, glaring into her eyes to get my point across. “You have everything going for you. Don’t you see that? You’re young with your whole life ahead of you. This is the best time of your life, being in college, hanging out with your friends, starting to plan your future.”
I moved my hand to cradle her cheek.
“You’re smart and gorgeous… so fucking gorgeous,” I whispered as I tried to hold myself back. “You want to know what I want, Sasha? What I really fucking want?”
She didn’t reply, so I answered.
“I want to wrap the entire world up so I can hand it over to you in hopes of making you want me as badly as I want you, but I can’t do that. I’m not good for you. I won’t do anything but fuck up your life. So if you know what’s good for you, you’ll start avoiding me just as hard as I’ve been trying to avoid you. I just hope you have better luck at it.” I ran my thumb along the line of her bottom lip, feeling its softness one more time. Then I let my hand fall, and I turned away.
“If you really wanted me, you wouldn’t be able to walk away.”
I stopped with my hand on the door. “I’m walking away because I’m a fucking saint. If I were anything less, I’d strip your drunk ass bare and fuck every hole in your body until my dick was raw and bloody. Or until you were.” I opened the door. “Now get some sleep. Early day tomorrow.” I used the last bit of my strength and stepped out of her room, closing her door behindme. I pushed myself forward, walking to my room at lightning speed because I needed to get as much distance between us as possible.
I meant every word I said, and I didn’t even care that I had to open myself up to her in ways I never wanted to. I didn’t care if she knew how badly I wanted her. What I cared about was making her see how bad I was for her. Based on her silence there at the end, I think I got my point across. I wasn’t the guy she needed. I wasn’t the person who would court her or make her fall hopelessly in love. I wasn’t the man she’d marry and start a family with. I was just the sick bastard who had her sexy virgin ass in my sights, and if she weren’t careful, I’d tear her to shreds, leaving very little, if anything, for anyone else.
I hoped that she listened. Actually, I prayed for it because I knew I had spent the last of my reserve, and there was no way I’d be able to stop myself the next time she offered herself up on a silver platter.
