“What?” I asked, turning my attention from her.
“Your name? What is it?”
“Roman,” I told him, wondering why he was so insistent on my giving him my name.
“Alright,” he said, shoulders falling. “She said you were coming for her. Took you long enough.”
“She failed to tell me where she was. I had to go to every bar and club in a twenty-five-mile radius,” I muttered.
He just lifted his brows and let them fall. “You might wanna come with her next time.”
“There won’t be a next time,” I told him, grabbing her phone and sliding it into my pocket. “Does she have anything else with her? A purse or coat?” I looked around her, but didn’t see anything.
He shrugged. “No idea, man. I just watched to make sure she wasn’t scooped up by someone she didn’t know.” He crossed his arms over his chest and cocked his head slightly.
I sighed and reached into my back pocket for my wallet. I could tell he wanted to be paid for his good deed. I pulled out a hundred and slipped it over. “Thanks for keeping her safe.”
He took the cash with a nod of his head and a smile. “No problem.” He tuned away, and I picked her up.
She stirred a little, even mumbled my name, but she never did wake fully. I carried her outside and to my car, where I set her on the passenger seat before buckling her seatbelt. I was happy for the cold, night air. My worry had my body was overheating. My anger wasn’t helping matters either.
I climbed behind the wheel and started pulling on my own seatbelt as I grumbled under my breath.
“How could you be so irresponsible? Where the fuck are your friends?” I shifted into drive and checked traffic in my mirror before pulling onto the street.
“How many times do we have to have this conversation?” I asked, even though I knew she wouldn’t answer, but the grumbling helped to release some anger, so I kept with it. “Do you even know how dangerous that was? Luckily, the bartender has some hero complex; otherwise, anyone could have scooped you up and carried you away, never to be seen or heard from again.” I tightened my hand on the wheel and stepped on the gas a little harder when I thought about that happening.
“How are you supposed to show a child how to be responsible when you can’t even be responsible yourself?” I glanced at her, but she was blissfully unaware of anything that was going on. “If I wanted my kid to grow up with a drinking problem, I’d raise her myself.”
If she were to come to while I was ranting and raving, she probably would’ve thought I was crazy. I felt crazy about saying anything to her at all, since she wasn’t awake to hear it, but it needed to be said. At least it made me feel a little better to say it. I had no idea if saying the shit I said needed to be heard, but I didn’t care. There were very few things left in life that made me feel any relief at all, so I was going to continue to talk until I had nothing left to say.
Then it hit me: I could say anything I wanted, and she couldn’t hear me. Just voicing my thoughts was making me feel better, so maybe confessing would do the same.
“You drive me fucking insane,” I told her as she slept. “I’m used to getting what I want, but with you…” I clenched my jaw and shook my head slightly. “I can’t allow myself to take what I want. Not from you.”
It occurred to me that I couldn’t even say what I wanted out loud. That’s how wrong it was. But the fact that it was wrong almost made me want it more, made me want her more. I dared myself to say it. I knew the only way to fix any of it was to admit it out loud. I couldn’t fix a problem without first admitting I had one.
“The problem is that I want to make you mine.” I glanced at her again, but her eyes were still closed in the darkness of the car. “I want to do every dirty thing my imagination can come up with, and I want you screaming for more, begging for it.” Just thinking of it made my cock stiffen. “But that’s wrong,” I forced the words out. “Chloe would…” I shook my head as my throat grew thick with emotion. I hated myself for what I wanted. I hated myself on my wife’s behalf.
The rest of the ride was silent. I couldn’t get words out. They were all stuck on that lump in my throat. When we made it home, I had to carry her to her room. Again, she stirred from being jarred. Her eyes rolled beneath her lids, then they fluttered and opened. I glanced down and saw how bloodshot they were.
“Go back to sleep. You’re safe now,” I told her, bending down to put her in bed. After laying her on the mattress, I went to step away, but she grabbed my arm.
“Wait.” She sat up straight, her nails digging into my arm.
“What?”
“Don’t go.” She bit her bottom lip as her eyes found mine. “Stay with me.”
“It’s not a good idea.” I tried to turn away, but she didn’t release me, forcing me to turn back to her, and when I did, I wasn’t prepared for what happened next.
She was no longer sitting on the bed. She’d managed to get herself onto her knees. Her free hand moved to wrap around the back of my neck, and she slammed her mouth against mine.
Before I could process what was happening, she was pushing her sweet tongue into my mouth. My eyes rolled to the back of my head as my body surrendered, but my brain began screaming at me, telling me to stop her. She was young, drunk. She had no idea what she was doing.
I broke the kiss and pried her arm from my neck, causing her to fall onto her butt on the bed.
“Get some sleep,” was all I said, turning for the door.
