She took it easy on me, never getting annoyed that I didn’t want to get off the couch. She even went along with the silly games I made up while lying down. Eventually, though, I had to get up and fix some lunch.
I felt better than I had, but I still didn’t feel great. I was ready to try eating some real food, so I put in more effort than I had for breakfast. Sophia wanted some chicken strips, so I made enough for both of us. I made her some fries as a side, but I wrapped my strip up in lettuce and a tortilla with some ranch.
I diced up some fruit and served the meal with a cup of juice. She dug in while watching cartoons, and I polished off my two wraps faster than I thought possible.
After lunch, I got her settled down long enough to fall asleep. As much as I wished I could join her for a nap, I had too much stuff to do around the house. Laundry needed to be done, and I had to start planning out dinner.
I didn’t know if Roman would come home for dinner. Actually, I wondered where he even was since it was a Sunday and the office wasn’t open. I thought about texting him to see,but then I figured he’d ignore me as he had been, so I dismissed the thought. Wondering where he was left me thinking more about the night before, and before I knew it, I couldn’t get him off my mind.
I didn’t know what was going on between us, or how we’d ended up where we’d been the night before. All I knew was that I liked it, but did he? Would it happen again? Could more happen? And what exactly did I mean by more anyway? As I stood at the dryer, folding clothes, my mind wandered.
It went back to that night. I thought about the way I felt when he carried me to my room. How hot his skin was against mine, how soft and gentle with me, even though I could tell he was struggling to be that way.
It was the first time in a long time that I actually felt relaxed. If I wanted to lie to myself, I’d blame it on the alcohol, but deep down, I knew it didn’t have anything to do with the amount I had to drink, and it had everything to do with him. He’d always had a way of relaxing me and amping me up at the same time… Even back then. I knew I could trust him, and that helped calm me, but I was also excited to have his attention.
That hadn’t changed.
I remembered throwing my leg over him, my knee grazing against the hardness in his pants. My heart raced and pounded against my chest because it was in that moment that I realized what I was doing to him.
Did I turn him on, or was he just turned on by holding any woman against him? The moment my knee grazed him, his hot hand flew to my thigh, squeezing it like he was going to stop me. He didn’t do either. I fell asleep with his hand there.
My stomach tightened with excitement as I thought back on the night before. My heart hammered away, and I became flushed with a sheen of sweat breaking out across my forehead. I liked the way I felt with him, but I had no idea how to explorethose feelings. The tingling that was warming my body faded away, quickly replaced by something else—shame, confusion, disappointment.
What was wrong with me?
How could I even think those things about the man who was married to my sister? A man who was many years older than me. Who was a total asshole most days, treated me like crap, and was clearly an alcoholic without the meetings. I was a mess. I felt like an embarrassment to my family, letting them all down.
My phone chimed from inside my pocket, so I pulled it out and read the screen.
ROMAN: I’ll be home for dinner tonight.
One sentence, and my heart grew wings and took off flying out of my body. All negative thoughts were gone. I had forgotten all about the embarrassment I was feeling. All I could think of was seeing him again, wanting to explore the darkest parts of my desire, and wondering if he’d allow it.
Hours later,Roman, Sophia, and I were all gathered around the table with the dinner I had prepared in front of us. Roman was quiet and refused to make eye contact with me. Even Sophia could feel how tense things were with him in the room. She kept looking at him and frowning like she was trying to figure it out. Then she’d take a bite and look at me. I’d offer her a smile, and her face would smooth.
“How’s your chicken?” I asked Roman, watching him as he slowly picked at his food.
He nodded. “It’s good.” He lifted his glass. “I’m not much for chicken, but it’s good.” He took a sip and resumed eating.
“You know, you could let me know what it is you do like eating. I wouldn’t mind making things specifically for you,” I offered softly.
“Don’t worry about it. I never know if I’ll be home. Just make whatever Sophia likes. She’s what’s important.”
I didn’t like the cold shoulder he was giving me after the night we’d spent together. It made me want to lash out by asking him exactly what Sophia liked, because I knew he didn’t know. Doing that wouldn’t do anything but start an argument, though, so I bit the inside of my cheek and kept my thoughts to myself.
“Daddy is having dinner,” Sophia said, smiling at him.
He chuckled. “That’s right, princess.”
Sophia gasped, causing both Roman and me to look up at her. Her eyes were wide with excitement, and her brows were lifted. “It’s like I have a mommy and a daddy!”
It felt like the air had been sucked from the room in that instant.
Roman dropped his fork, and it clattered to his plate. He stood from his chair and grabbed his drink. He was gone in a flash, leaving the two of us alone.
Sophia’s eyes immediately filled with unshed tears.
“Daddy’s done?” she asked, watching the doorway he walked through.
