He leaned forward. “I came because I was really worried about you. A phone call wasn’t going to change that. Is it really that hard to believe?”
“After the way you ended things? Yes.”
“I didn’t want to hurt you.” He let his head sag forward.
“Fooled me,” I mumbled, my eyelids heavy.
He lifted his head, and his eyes locked on mine. “Are you serious right now?”
I shrugged, even though it hurt. “Just admit it, Roman. You never had any feelings for me. I was just someone you had easy access to. Why go out looking for someone to sleep with when you have someone already in your house? I get it, OK? You said what you said, and that explained it all. You got what you wanted, and I learned my lesson.”
“That isn’t true.” The tone of his voice got a little deeper. More frantic. Almost… desperate.
“It has to be, because if you had any real feelings for me, you never would have been able to end things the way you did.”
“I did that for you!” he said, a little too loudly as he sprang from his chair. “I’m not good for you, Sasha. The only thing I’ll ever do is ruin you. Not to mention, I’m ruined, myself. I’m pretty goddamn broken in case you haven’t noticed.”
“You kissed that other woman. Slept with her,” my voice cracked at the memory of seeing him with her.
“I didn’t want to hurt you. I didn’t want to let you go. I wanted to be selfish and drag you alongside me, no matter how beat up you got, but I couldn’t do that. I let you go for your own sake. I-I kissed her to make it easier. I didn’t fuck her. I went home and drank myself unconscious that night.” He wiped at his eyes. “I’m sorry I had to hurt you in the process, but we both know you wouldn’t have accepted it any other way.” His brows knitted together in anger, and his jaw was set. “I’m sorry. I am.”
“I don’t accept it,” I threw back, my chest aching. I winced. I was too tired, breathless, and in pain to fight more. “You hurt me.”I paused before deciding to just come out with it since I knew it tortured him. “M-My parents know. I told them. They were OK with it. You’re the one who wasn’t, Roman.”
With those words, his jaw relaxed, and his facial features smoothed out. His shoulders fell and bowed inward a little, like he was finally allowing himself to relax.
“What the fuck am I going to do with you?” he muttered, shaking his head.
“You could tell me how you really feel.”
“You really wanna know?” He looked at me with his dark eyes, his voice trembling.
I nodded my head once.
“I’m so fucking in love with you that I can’t think of anything else. I can’t sleep without dreaming of you. I can’t. I can’t distract myself to keep you off my mind. All I can do is be miserableand kick myself for pushing you away. I want you more than life itself. I want you so fucking much that it’s slowly killing me. You have become a piece of a puzzle I’ve been trying to solve for the last few years. I-I can’t be without you, Sasha. I get it now. I love you so much, and I’m so goddamn sorry for what I’ve done,” his voice cracked as his body shook with his soft cry.
Using my good hand, I reached for his. He didn’t pull away. He let me take it, and I drew him closer.
“I’m so in love with you, too,” I admitted softly.
He sat down on the edge of my bed, twisting his upper body to face me. “So, what are we supposed to do with that?” He sniffled and wiped at his eyes again.
“We’re supposed to stop ignoring it. We’re supposed to give in, stop fighting it.”
“And your parents? Do they really know?”
I nodded tiredly. “They know.”
“And what about your friends? And what about?—”
That’s when I had enough.
I didn’t care what anyone thought. I only wanted him, and I knew that he would be the only person I’d ever want.
I tugged his hand weakly, bringing him to me. I pressed my lips to his once he was near enough.
Even though he was surprised, his lips parted, and he allowed me to slide my tongue into his mouth. Even better, he moved his hands to cradle my face gently, and he leaned forward, kissing me harder. He eased me back, but he didn’t break our kiss. Our kiss was hard, full of emotion and need. He was moving slowly, savoring every second with me.
“I’m so fucking sorry,” he whispered against my lips. “I didn’t want to hurt you. I never wanted to hurt you.”
